September 2, 2014

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar. ~ Robert Brault

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 2nd – TUESDAY

245th day of 2014 with 120 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National “Grits for Breakfast” Day

*National Blueberry Popsicle Day

*National Beheading Day

*VJ Day – Official surrender ceremony aboard the USS Missouri formally ends WWII

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TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:

  • 1661 Georg Böhm, German organist (development of the chorale partita)
  • 1838 Liliuokalani, [Lydia Paki], Honolulu, Kingdom of Hawaii, last queen of Hawaii (1891-93)
  • 1850 Woldemar Voigt, German physicist (Voigt notation, Voigt profile, Voigt effect)
  • 1850 Albert Spaulding, Bryon, Illinois, baseball player (founded Spaulding sports company)
  • 1853 Wilhelm Ostwald, Baltic German chemist (Ostwald process, Ostwald viscometer)
  • 1877 Frederick Soddy, English chemist (Nobel / research in radioactive decay and particularly for his formulation of the theory of isotopes)
  • 1884 Frank Laubach, Benton, Pennsylvania, missionary in the Philippines (“Apostle to the Illiterates: developed the “Each One Teach One” literacy program)
  • 1915 Meinhardt Raabe, Watertown, Wisconsin, actor (Munchkin Coroner on The Wizard of Oz)
  • 1917 Cleveland Amory, American author (The Cat Who Came for Christmas, The Cat and the Curmudgeon, Cat Tales)
  • 1918 Allen Drury, Houston, Texas, author (Advise and Consent,The Throne of Saturn, The Roads of Earth, Pentagon, Public Men)
  • 1934 Grady Nutt, Amarillo, Texas, humorist & Southern Baptist minister (“The Prime Minister of Humor”)
  • 1938 Mary Jo Catlett, Denver, Colorado, actress (Diff’rent Strokes, Mrs. Puff in Spongebob Squarepants)
  • 1940 Jimmy Clanton, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, singer, known as the “swamp pop R&B teenage idol”
  • 1948 Sharon Christa Corrigan McAuliffe, Boston, Massachusetts, teacher/astronaut (STS 25/ Challenger disaster)
  • 1948 Terry Bradshaw, Shreveport, Louisiana, NFL quarterback (Pittsburgh Steelers)/announcer (CBS, FOX NFL Sunday)
  • 1951 Mark Harmon, Burbank, California, football player (starting quarterback for the UCLA Bruins football team in 1972 and 1973) and actor (Eleanor and Franklin: The White House Years, Reasonable Doubts, Chicago Hope, NCIS)
  • 1952 Jimmy Connors, Santa Barbara, California, tennis player (former #1 World player), coach, and sportscaster
  • 1964 Keanu Reeves, Beirut, Canadian actor (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Speed, The Matrix series as Neo, Constantine, The Lake House, John Wick)
  • 1976 Erin Hershey Presley, Seattle, Washington, actress (Port Charles)

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Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive. ~ Anaïs Nin

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1666 The Great Fire of London breaks out and burns for three days, destroying 10,000 buildings including St Paul’s Cathedral.
  • 1752 Great Britain adopts the Gregorian calendar, nearly two centuries later than most of Western Europe.
  • 1789 The United States Department of the Treasury is founded.
  • 1859 A solar super storm affects electrical telegraph service.
  • 1862 American Civil War: President Abraham Lincoln reluctantly restores Union General George B. McClellan to full command after General John Pope’s disastrous defeat at the Second Battle of Bull Run.
  • 1901 Vice President of the US Theodore Roosevelt utters the famous phrase, “Speak softly and carry a big stick” at the Minnesota State Fair.
  • 1925 The U.S. Zeppelin named the USS Shenandoah crashes, killing 14.
  • 1945 V-J Day; formal surrender of Japan aboard USS Missouri (WWII ends).
  • 1945 Ho Chi Minh declares Vietnam independence from France (National Day).
  • 1963 CBS Evening News expands from 15 to 30 minutes.
  • 1970 NASA announces the cancellation of two Apollo missions to the Moon, Apollo 15 (the designation is re-used by a later mission), and Apollo 19.
  • 1990 Transnistria is unilaterally proclaimed a Soviet republic; the Soviet president Mikhail Gorbachev declares the decision null and void.
  • 1991 The United States recognizes the independence of the Baltic states: Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania.
  • 1992 An earthquake in Nicaragua kills at least 116 people
  • 1998 The UN’s International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda finds Jean Paul Akayesu, the former mayor of a small town in Rwanda, guilty of nine counts of genocide.
  • 2013 The new eastern span of the San Francisco–Oakland Bay Bridge opened to traffic, being the widest bridge in the world.

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My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.

“Honey!” he called excitedly. “You’ve got to come here and see what I found.”

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet.

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Harold’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?”

Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five.”

“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Harold interrupted. “I haven’t added them up yet.” (and that’s when the trouble started. . .)

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ONE-LINERS: Signs Found In Kitchens

1. Kitchen closed – – this chick has had it!

2. Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!!

3. I’m creative; you can’t expect me to be neat too!

4. So this isn’t Home Sweet Home… Adjust!

5. Ring Bell for Maid Service…If no answer do it yourself!

6. I clean house every other day…. Today is the other day!

7. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!

8. I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!

9. My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

10. A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.

11. COOK CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

12. I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

13. If you don’t like my standards of cooking…lower your standards.

14. You may touch the dust in this house…but please don’t write in it!

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A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter.

He received the following reply: “Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don’t like my way of doing business, I won’t even put your bills in the hat.”

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pic of the day:


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”

To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.”

And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of the supplies.”

He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.”

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian,

“Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”

The Italian replies, “I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”

The Scotsman replies, “Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin’ him either.”

The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy …

Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells . . . . . .

“SUPPLIES!”
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Bring a sock puppet with you to the restaurant. When asked for your order, consult the sock and talk to the sock throughout the meal. When you get the check, argue with the sock about who should pay.

Then say, “Fine! You pay,” throw the sock on the table and walk out.
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Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late – again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon’s quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial.

My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, “Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned.”

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Bumping into a woman on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look- alike apologized, “Pardon me!”

“That’s quite all right,” the woman replied. “You look just like my fourth husband.”

“Wow!” he said. “How many times have you been married?”

She winked at him and said, “Three.”

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My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won’t understand what we’re saying. I didn’t realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle. An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, “Boy, is she r-u-d-e!”

“Yeah,” he replied, “and I’ll bet she can s-p-e-l-l.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The biggest argument against democracy is a five minute discussion with the average voter – Winston Churchill

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .“When it comes to happiness, I think a lot of effort is spent to have tomorrow what just slowing down a little would get you today.”

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