September 24, 2014

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. – The Eagles, “Already Gone”

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 24th – WEDNESDAY

267th day of 2014 with 98 to follow.
The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn.

Holidays for Today:

*National Cherries Jubilee Day

*Our Lady of Mercy (Roman Catholic feast day)

*National Courtesy Month

*National Mushroom Month

*National Papaya Month

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1501 Gerolamo Cardano, Pavia, Italian mathematician (His gambling led him to formulate elementary rules in probability, making him one of the founders of the field)
  • 1725 Arthur Guinness, Irish brewer (Founder of Guinness brewery business)
  • 1755 John Marshall, Germantown, Virginia, 4th Chief Justice of the United States (1801-1835)
  • 1801 Mikhail Vasilievich Ostrogradsky, Ukrainian scientist (researches of the motion of an elastic body and the development of methods for integration of the equations of dynamics)
  • 1870 Georges Claude, Paris, France, chemist and inventor ( industrial liquefaction of air, the invention and commercialization of neon lighting)
  • 1896 F. Scott Fitzgerald, St. Paul, Minnesota, author (The Great Gatsby, Tender is the Night)
  • 1912 Donald Porter, Miami, Oklahoma, actor (Gidget, Top Sergeant, Eagle Squadon)
  • 1925 Autar Singh Paintal, Indian medical scientist (made pioneering discoveries in the area of neurosciences and respiratory sciences)
  • 1930 John Young, San Francisco, California, retired NASA astronaut (9th person to walk on moon, 6 spaceflights (Gemini 3, Gemini 10, Apollo 10, Apollo 16, STS-1, STS-9), handled 4 different classes of spacecraft: Gemini, Apollo Command, Apollo Lunar Module, Space Shuttle)
  • 1936 Jim Henson, Greenville, Mississippi, puppeteer (The Muppets, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, Dark Crystal, Labyrinth)
  • 1945 Lou Dobbs, Childress, Texas, journalist & author (Fox Business Network, CNN’s Lou Dobbs Tonight)
  • 1946 Charles “Mean Joe” Greene, Temple, Texas, football defensive tacker for Pittsburgh Steelers (considered one of the greatest defensive linemen)
  • 1958 Kevin Sorbo, Mound, Minnesota, actor (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Andromeda, Kull the Conqueror)
  • 1958 Steve Whitmire, Atlanta, Georgia, puppeteer (Kermit the Frog, Ernie, etc.)
  • 1965 Robert Irvine, Salisbury, England, celebrity chef (Dinner: Impossible, Worst Cooks in America, Restaurant Impossible)
  • 1969 Megan Ward, Los Angeles, California, actress (Freaked, Party of Five, Dark Skies, Boomtown, The Invited, General Hospital)
  • 1971 Mike Michalowicz, Boonton, New Jersey, entrepreneur and author (small business columnist for The Wall Street Journal, The Pumpkin Plan, The Toilet Paper Entrepreneur)
  • 1979 Justin Bruening, Chadron, Nebraska, actor (All My Children, Knight Rider, Ringer)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.” – William Shakespeare

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1789 The United States Congress passes the Judiciary Act which creates the office of the United States Attorney General and the federal judiciary system, and orders the composition of the Supreme Court of the United States.
  • 1929 Aviator James Doolittle demonstrated the first blind takeoff and landing, using only instruments to guide his aircraft.
  • 1946 Cathay Pacific Airways is founded in Hong Kong.
  • 1948 The Honda Motor Company is founded.
  • 1962 United States court of appeals orders the University of Mississippi to admit James Meredith.
  • 1968 60 Minutes debuts on CBS.
  • 1968 Swaziland joins the United Nations.
  • 1973 Guinea-Bissau declares its independence from Portugal.
  • 1979 Compu-Serve launches the first consumer internet service, which features the first public electronic mail service.
  • 1852 The first airship powered by (a steam) engine, created by Henri Giffard, travels 17 miles (27 km) from Paris to Trappes.
  • 2007 Between 30,000 and 100,000 people take part in anti-government protests in Yangon, Burma, the largest in 20 years.
  • 2008 The Trump International Hotel and Tower in Chicago is topped off at 1,389 feet (423 m), at the time becoming the world’s highest residence above ground-level.
  • 2009 The G20 summit begins in Pittsburgh with 30 global leaders in attendance. It marks the first use of LRAD in U.S. history.
  • 2014 At 7:41a.m. Indian Standard Time, as part of the Mars Orbiter Mission (MOM) the Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) successfully inserted a probe, named Mangalyaan (Sanskrit for “Mars Craft”), into orbit around Mars.  This was the end of a 10-month space journey that began with the spacecraft’s launch on November 5, 2013.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim.

“It takes considerable time and technique.” replied the guard. “First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly…”

“This is certainly most helpful.” said the member. “I know that my kid sister will appreciate it.”

“Your sister?” said the lifeguard. “In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She’ll learn in a hurry.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A client called to report an accident and ask if her insurance rates would go up.

“Our underwriting department determines that”, I said. Then I asked for her license number. Verifying her information, I asked, “NMF? Is that N as in Nancy, M as in Mary, and F as in Frank?”

“Well… yes,” she said. “But could you please tell your underwriters that it’s also N as in Not, M as in My, and F as in fault?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: You Know You’ve Booked a Cheap Flight When?

~ As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an “I’m with Stupid” T-Shirt.

~ The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys.

~ The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.

~ The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tire wear.

~ A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline’s C.E.O.

~ A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion.

~ Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.

~ A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.

~ A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Recently, the “Love Bug” Virus circled the globe, damaging computers in it’s path. There have recently been some new mutations or variations of this virus that you should be aware of.

* The “I Love You, But I’m Shy” virus never actually invades your computer, but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.

* The “Love The One You’re With” virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.

* The “Happily Married” virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.

* The “Unhappily Married” virus spends a long time negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.

* The “I Want A Divorce” virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer isn’t working and takes half of your computer’s best data in an ugly network session.

* The “Stalker” virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and tries to record all of its functions. And it writes rude messages to any other computer with which yours connects on any regular basis.

* The “Forever Single” virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers with which it is totally incompatible or prove generally unavailable.

* The “Deadbeat” virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

 

pic of the day:Rhododendron Blooms

rhododendron_4390
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ The divers had to be careful, the octopus was heavily armed.
~ The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.
~ The hairless goat wished that it had mohair.
~ The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored.
~ Does working for UPS make you a professional boxer?
~ What was the leader of Russia’s favourite food? Czardines!
~ When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker.
~ Cartoons produced by the Japanese government are animes of the state.
~ I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray.
~ The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The lawyer was cross-examining a witness.

“Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you were I given $500.00 to throw this case?”

The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question. The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction – no response.

Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”

“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I thought he was talking to you.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .

#1. Today is my 40th Birthday. And I’m not the only one having a birthday. This week, Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley celebrated his 81st birthday by going on a 6-mile run. Seriously? I just got winded walking out here from backstage. – Jimmy Fallon

#2. During a speech this week, Joe Biden referred to Asia as the “Orient,” just hours after he apologized for using another term that offended Jewish people. The White House calls Biden’s remarks “unfortunate,” while Obama calls them “a welcomed distraction.” – Jimmy Fallon

#3. That’s right, Joe Biden referred to Asia as the “Orient,” and also offended Jewish people. Which means he’s one “pull my finger” away from being my grandpa on Thanksgiving. – Jimmy Fallon

#4. This is true. In L.A. we’re having something called “Vegan Oktoberfest.” Man, we really know how to take the fun out of everything! Do you have beer with kale in it? Do you have organic schnitzel? – Craig Ferguson

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.

“Does the hole go all the way through?” “Yes.”

“Did it hurt?” “Just a little.”

“Did they stick a needle through your ears?” “No, they used a special gun.”

Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, “How far away did they stand?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Whatever it is!

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *