September 25, 2014

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. – Francesca Reigler

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 25th – THURSDAY

268th day of 2014 with 97 to follow.

The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn.

Holidays for Today:

*Crab Meat Newburg Day

*National Comic Book Day

*National Food Service Workers Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1866 Thomas Hunt Morgan, Lexington, Kentucky, geneticist (discovered the role the chromosome plays in heredity)
  • 1893 Harald Cramér, Stockholm, Sweden, mathematician (one of the giants of statistical theory)
  • 1897 William Faulkner, New Albany, Mississippi, author (Nobel / The Sound and the Fury, As I Lay Dying, A Fable, The Rivers)
  • 1930 Shel Silverstein, Chicago, Illinois, poet & author (The Giving Tree, Where the Sidewalk Ends, A Light in the Attic, Falling Up, Grab Your Socks!)
  • 1943 Robert Walden, NYC, New York, actor (Joe Rossi on Lou Grant, Brothers, Happily Divorced)
  • 1951 Mark Hamill, Oakland, California, actor (Luke Skywalker in Star Wars original trilogy, voice of Joker in Batman: The Animated Series, Mayor in Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind)
  • 1952 Christopher Reeve, NYC, New York, actor (Superman, quadriplegic founder of Christopher Reeve Foundation)
  • 1955 Luanne Rice, New Britian, Connecticut, author (Crazy in Love, Blue Moon, Follow the Stars Home, Silver Bells, Beach Girls)
  • 1956 Danny Hillis, Baltimore, Maryland, inventor, entrepreneur, scientist, engineer, and author (co-founded Thinking Machines Corporation)
  • 1961 Heather Locklear, Los Angeles, California, actress (Dynasty, T.J. Hooker, Melrose Place, Spin City, Franklin and Bash)
  • 1967 Melissa De Sousa, New York City, New York, actress (The Best Man, Miss Congeniality, 30 Years to Life, Reed Between the Lines)
  • 1968 Will Smith, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor and rapper (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Ali, The Pursuit of Happyness, Men in Black, Independence Day, Enemy of the State, Hitch, I Am Legend, After Earth)
  • 1969 Catherine Zeta-Jones, Welsh actress (The Mask of Zorro, Entrapment, Traffic, Ocean’s Twelve, Red 2)
  • 1976 Charlotte Ayanna, San Juan, Puerto Rico, American actress (The Insatiable )
  • 1977 Robbie Jones, Oxnard, California, actor (One Tree Hill, Hurricane Season, Helicats, Necessary Roughness)
  • 1991 Emmy Clarke, Mineola, New York, actress (My House in Umbria, Monk)
  • 1994 Jansen Panettiere, Palisades, New York, actor (Everybody Hates Chris, The Last Day of Summer, The Perfect Game)

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The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~ Scott Hamilton

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1690 Publick Occurrences Both Foreign and Domestick, the first newspaper to appear in the Americas, is published for the first and only time.
  • 1890 Sequoia National Park is established by the U.S. Congress.
  • 1906 In the presence of the king and before a great crowd, Leonardo Torres Quevedo successfully demonstrates the invention of the Telekino in the port of Bilbao, guiding a boat from the shore, in what is considered the birth of the remote control.
  • 1911 Ground is broken for Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts.
  • 1957 Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, is integrated by the use of United States Army troops.
  • 1969 The charter establishing the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation is signed.
  • 1970 Cease-fire between Jordan and the Fedayeen ends fighting triggered by four hijackings on September 6 and 9.
  • 1977 About 4,200 people take part in the first running of the Chicago Marathon.
  • 1978 PSA Flight 182, a Boeing 727-214, collides in mid-air with a Cessna 172 and crashes in San Diego, California, resulting in the deaths of 144 people.
  • 1981 Sandra Day O’Connor becomes the 102nd person sworn in as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States and the first woman to hold the office.
  • 1992 NASA launched a $511 million probe to Mars in the first U.S. mission to the planet in 17 years. Eleven months later, the probe would fail.
  • 2008 China launches the spacecraft Shenzhou 7.
  • 2009 U.S. President Barack Obama, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy, in a joint TV appearance for a G-20 summit, accused Iran of building a secret nuclear enrichment facility.

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These two persons are discussing whether the state of Hawaii is pronounced “Havaii” or “Hawaii.”

So there they stood arguing and arguing, until they decided to ask a person that was walking by. So they asked a gentleman: “Excuse me sir, is Hawaii pronounced ‘Hawaii’ or ‘Havaii?'”

The gentleman said, “Havaii.”

So they both looked at each other, and as the gentleman was leaving, one of the two said to him, “Thank you.”

The gentleman replied, You’re velcome.”

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On a visit to my wife’s native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London’s Gatwick Airport. Tania headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners’ line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit.

“Pleasure,” I replied. “I’m on my honeymoon.”

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other. “That’s very interesting, sir,” he said as he stamped my passport. “Most men bring their wives with them.”

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ONE-LINERS: Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids

It doesn’t take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter.

Dogs cannot lie.

Dogs never resist nap time.

You don’t need to get extra phone lines for a dog.

Dogs don’t pester you about getting a kid.

Dogs don’t care if the peas have been touched by the mashed potatoes.

Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.

Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.

Average cost of sending a dog to school: $42

Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000

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Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful.

To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.

As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, “There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor.”

His attorney advised him to plead guilty.

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pic of the day:Wild Morning Glory Flowers

picture of morning glories
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

During Nicaragua’s war between the Sandinistas and the Contras, an American speech therapist decided to help the Contras.

After his arrival, he spoke with an officer in the army and asked, “What can I do to help?”

“You’re in speech therapy?” was the reply. “How about helping with some Contra diction?”
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A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.

An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.

“How did you know I was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked.

The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.

“You mean,” asked the motorist, “that even He is against me?”

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

“Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

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Late Night Quips. . .
#1. There were some major security issues at the White House over the weekend. On Friday, a guy got to the front doors of the White House, and on Saturday another guy jumped over the White House fence. Officials are wondering why it’s so easy to get in, while Obama is wondering why it’s so hard to get out. – Jimmy Fallon

#2. The White House has re-evaluated its security and today they announced they’ll start locking the front door. They’re also going to start asking who’s there when someone knocks. – Conan O’Brien

#3. The Secret Service is under scrutiny after a man jumped a fence and entered the White House. In their defense, when they saw a crazed maniac running down the White House lawn, they assumed it was Biden. – Craig Ferguson

#4. The Secret Service is under investigation after two different men made it onto the White House grounds this weekend after jumping the fence. Said President Obama, “Jumping the fence, huh? Why didn’t I think of that?” – Seth Meyers

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” – Mark Twain

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful. – Buddha

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