September 26, 2014

Learn to smile at every situation. See it as an opportunity to prove your strength and ability. ~Joe Brown

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 26th – FRIDAY

240th day of 2014 with 119 to follow. The moon is waxing. Morning stars are Jupiter, Uranus and Venus. Evening stars are Mars, Mercury, Neptune and Saturn.

Holidays for Today:

*Johnny Appleseed Day

*National Pancake Day

*European Day of Languages

*Native American Day (4th Friday of the month)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1749 Jean Baptiste Joseph Delambre, French mathematician (director of the Paris Observatory, and author of well-known books on the history of astronomy from ancient times to the 18th century)
  • 1774 John Chapman [Johnny Appleseed], Leominster, Massachusetts, frontier nurseryman
  • 1888 T.S. Eliot, St Louis, Missouri, poet/dramatist/critic (Waste Land-Nobel 1948)
  • 1898 George Gershwin, Brooklyn, New York, composer (Rhapsody in Blue, Porgy and Bess)
  • 1900 Ricardo Cortez, New York City, New York, actor (Montana Moon, The Maltese Falcon, The Big Shakedown)
  • 1909 Bill France, Sr., Washington D.C., founder of NASCAR
  • 1910 Jack Dunham, Bismarck, North Dakota, animator and television producer (worked for Walt Disney Animation Studios and Walter Lantz Productions)
  • 1914 Jack LaLanne, San Francisco, California, exercise mogul (Father of Fitness)
  • 1925 Marty Robbins, Glendale, Arizona, country-western singer (Cool Water, Ballad of the Alamo)
  • 1926 James Lipton, Detroit, Michigan, actor, writer and host of Inside the Actors Studio
  • 1927 Patrick O’Neal, Ocala, Florida, actor (Kaz, Alvarez Kelly, King Rat)
  • 1928 Adam West, Walla Walla, Washington, actor (Batman TV series , The Fairly OddParents, Family Guy. )
  • 1934 Brian Epstein, Liverpool, England, musical group manager (The Beatles)
  • 1940 Paul Williams, Omaha, Nebraska, composer (Three Dog Night’s “An Old Fashioned Love Song”, Helen Reddy’s “You and Me Against the World”, and the Carpenters’ “We’ve Only Just Begun” and “Rainy Days and Mondays )
  • 1947 Lynn Anderson, Grand Forks, North Dakota, country singer (I Never Promised you a Rose Garden)
  • 1948 Olivia Newton-John, English born Australian, singer / actress (I Honestly Love You, Physical / Grease)
  • 1956 Linda Hamilton, Salisbury, Maryland, actress (Sarah Conner / Terminator; Catherine / Beauty & the Beast; Mary Bartowski / Chuck)
  • 1962 Melissa Sue Anderson, Berkeley, California, actress (Mary Ingalls / Little House on the Prairie, Which Mother is Mine?, 10.5 Apocalypse)
  • 1964 Trisha Yearwood, Monticello, Georgia, singer (She’s in Love with the Boy )
  • 1981 Serena Williams, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, tennis player (ranked World #1 five times)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. – Chinese proverb

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 46 BC Julius Caesar dedicates a temple to his mythical ancestor Venus Genetrix in accordance with a vow he made at the battle of Pharsalus.
  • 1789 Thomas Jefferson is appointed the first United States Secretary of State, John Jay is appointed the first Chief Justice of the United States, Samuel Osgood is appointed the first United States Postmaster General, and Edmund Randolph is appointed the first United States Attorney General.
  • 1820 Colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson proved tomatoes weren’t poisonous by eating several on the steps of the courthouse in Salem, New Jersey.
  • 1872 The first Shriners Temple (called Mecca) is established in New York City.
  • 1908 Ed Reulbach becomes the first and only pitcher to throw two shutouts in one day against the Brooklyn Dodgers.
  • 1914 The US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is established by the Federal Trade Commission Act.
  • 1934 British liner Queen Mary is launched.
  • 1960 First televised presidential debate aired from a Chicago TV studio with candidates John F. Kennedy and Richard M. Nixon.
  • 1960 Fidel Castro announces Cuba’s support for the U.S.S.R.
  • 1962 TV comedy series “The Beverly Hillbillies” premiers on CBS.
  • 1984 Britain & China initial agreement return Hong Kong to China in 1997 .
  • 1990 Motion Picture Association of America adopted the NC-17 rating — no children under 17 allowed — to replace the X rating exploited by the porn industry.
  • 1991 Four men and four women entered the huge, airtight greenhouse Biosphere II in Arizona. (They remained inside for two years, emerging on this date in 1993.)
  • 1996 Space shuttle Atlantis landed, returning astronaut Shannon Lucid to Earth. At the time, her six-month tour aboard the Mir space station was the longest stay in space for an American.
  • 2011 U.S. Army announced a plan to reduce its number of soldiers by nearly 50,000 during a five-year span. Lt. Gen. Thomas P. Bostick, the service personnel chief, said the reductions would bring the total to 520,400 active-duty soldiers by Sept. 30, 2016.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Standing in line at the grocery-store checkout, I was pleased to hear a snippet of classical music. But the store’s sound system didn’t seem to be working properly, as the music would begin to play, then stop quickly then start again from the beginning.

Turning to the woman standing behind me in line, I commented, “I hope the store will get their sound fixed so we can enjoy the nice music.

As the music started up again I smiled at the lady and said, “There it is again! Isn’t it lovely?”

“Uhhhh … Your cellphone is ringing.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

When I visited the West Coast I was looking forward to sampling seafood from the Pacific Ocean. At a small open-air restaurant, I selected the clam chowder. I asked the waitress, “Is it fresh?”

“Oh yes! We opened the can just this morning.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Two snowmen talking: “Looks like you put on a little weight over the holidays.”

“Yeah, but it’s mostly water.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: MIXED METAPHORS

“Beware, my friend, you’re skating on hot water.”

“Keep your ear to the grindstone.”

“He swept the rug under the carpet.”

“She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends.”

“He’s up a tree without a paddle.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

Remember to put the glass down.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Stormy Skies


~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded

I tried looking for gold, but it didn’t pan out.

I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.

I used to be a hotel clerk, but then I had reservations.

I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn’t my racket.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“In news from the capital, there’s a bill to have voter registration when licensing cars.”

“The Motor Voter Bill!”

“An amendment would including people licensing watercraft.”

“The Motor Boater Voter Bill!”

“And another includes those with trailers.”

“The Motor Boater Toter Voter Bill!”

“They might even include hot air balloonists.”

“The Motor Boater Toter Floater Voter Bill.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Late Night Quips. . .

#1. In an interview, Bill Clinton hinted that his daughter Chelsea’s baby is due in early October. Though it got weird when reporters asked if it’s a boy or a girl, and Hillary said, “I haven’t decided yet.” – Jimmy Fallon

#2. People are still talking about this guy who hopped the fence and ran into the White House. President Obama is calling for a security crackdown. In fact, today he announced a new punishment for anyone who breaks into the White House: Now you have to be president. – Conan O’Brien

#3. This guy gets all the way to the front porch of the White House. So they beefed it up. The security people added to the front door one of the sliding chain things. – David Letterman

#4. According to a new report, Nigeria owes New York City over $500,000 in unpaid parking tickets for its foreign diplomats. Nigeria apologized and said they’ll pay the fines right away if they we send them our bank account number, our PIN, and our mother’s maiden name. – Seth Meyers

#5. At San Francisco’s airport last Tuesday, customs officials confiscated 20 giant millipedes. You should never bring a millipede on an airplane. There’s just not enough leg room. – Craig Ferguson

#6. A fake ad on Twitter suggested that Apple iOS 8 users could charge their phones in the microwave. Apparently some people have tried. And somewhere Darwin is weeping. – Janice Hough

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his friendships in constant repair. – Samuel Johnson

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *