September 9, 2014

I always pass on good advice. It’s the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself. – Oscar Wilde

TODAY – SEPTEMBER 9th – TUESDAY

252nd day of 2014 with 113 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Teddy Bear Day

*Wienerschnitzel Day

*National I Love Food Day

*National Steak Au Poivre Day

*Statehood Day in California

*Better Breakfast Month

*National Organic Harvest Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1828 Leo Tolstoy, Russia, author (War and Peace, Anna Karenina)
  • 1868 Mary Hunter Austin, Carlinville, Illinois, author (The Land of Little Rain, The Basket Woman)
  • 1890 Colonel Harland Sanders, Henryville, Indiana, colonel/CEO (Kentucky Fried Chicken)
  • 1899 Neil Hamilton, Lynn, Massachusetts, actor (Commissioner Gordon on the Batman TV series of the 1960s)
  • 1899 Bruno E. Jacob, Valders, Wisconsin, Founder of the National Forensic League
  • 1903 Phyllis A. Whitney, Yokohama, Japan, American mysteryauthor (The Mystery of the Hidden Hand, The Mystery of the Haunted Pool, Domino, Silversword, The Singing Stones)
  • 1919 Jimmy “the Greek” Snyder, Steubenville, Ohio, bookmaker and sports commentator
  • 1920 Robert Wood Johnson III, New Brunswick, New Jersey, philanthropist (president and chairman of Johnson & Johnson)
  • 1922 Hans Georg Dehmelt, Görlitz, Germany, physicist (Development of the ion trap, Precise measurement of the electron g-factor)
  • 1925 Cliff Robertson, La Jolla, California, actor (Charly, Spiderman, spokesman for AT&T for 10 years)
  • 1923 Daniel Carleton Gajdusek, Yonkers, New York, virologist (Nobel / Prion)
  • 1924 Jane Greer, Washington, D.C., actress (Out of the Past, Prisoner of Zenda, Clown)
  • 1941 Otis Redding, Dawson, Georgia, singer / songwrite (Try a Little Tenderness, Sittin’ On the Dock of Bay)
  • 1941 Dennis Ritchie, Bronxville, New York, computer scientist (developed C language, work with Multics & Unix)
  • 1945 Dee Dee Sharp, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, R&B singer (Best Of Dee Dee Sharp)
  • 1946 Doug Ingle, Omaha, Nebraska, musician (Iron Butterfly)
  • 1951 Tom Wopat, Loda, Wisconsin, actor and singer (Luke-Dukes of Hazzard, Cybill)
  • 1952 Angela Cartwright, England, actress (Make Room for Daddy, Lost in Space)
  • 1954 Jeffrey Combs, actor (Weyoun, Brunt / ST: DS9; Shran, Krem / ST Enterprise)
  • 1966 Adam Sandler, Brooklyn, New York, actor and comedian (Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds)
  • 1980 Michelle Williams, Kalispell, Montana, actress (Brokeback Mountain, Wendy and Lucy, Blue Valentine)

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The antidote for fifty enemies is one friend. ~ Aristotle

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1513 James IV of Scotland is defeated and dies in the Battle of Flodden Field, ending Scotland’s involvement in the War of the League of Cambrai.
  • 1543 Mary Stuart, at nine months old, is crowned “Queen of Scots” in the central Scottish town of Stirling.
  • 1739 Stono Rebellion, the largest slave uprising in Britain’s mainland North American colonies prior to the American Revolution, erupts near Charleston, South Carolina.
  • 1776 The Continental Congress officially names its new union of sovereign states the United States.
  • 1791 Washington, D.C., the capital of the United States, is named after President George Washington.
  • 1801 Alexander I of Russia confirms the privileges of Baltic provinces.
  • 1830 Charles Durant, 1st US aeronaut, flies a balloon from Castle Garden, NYC to Perth Amboy, NJ
  • 1839 John Herschel takes the first glass plate photograph.
  • 1850 California is admitted as the thirty-first U.S. state.
  • 1850 The Compromise of 1850 strips Texas of a third of its claimed territory (now parts of Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Wyoming) in return for the U.S. federal government assuming $10 million of Texas’s pre-annexation debt.
  • 1926 The U.S. National Broadcasting Company is formed.
  • 1940 George Stibitz pioneers the first remote operation of a computer.
  • 1942 Japanese floatplane drops bomb on Mount Emily Oregon during WWII, first bombing on American soil.
  • 1956 Elvis Presley appears on The Ed Sullivan Show for the first time.
  • 1965 The United States Department of Housing and Urban Development is established.
  • 1965 Hurricane Betsy makes its second landfall near New Orleans, Louisiana, leaving 76 dead and $1.42 billion ($10–12 billion in 2005 dollars) in damages, becoming the first hurricane to top $1 billion in unadjusted damages.
  • 1966 The National Traffic and Motor Vehicle Safety Act is signed into law by U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson.
  • 1969 Allegheny Airlines Flight 853 DC-9 collides in flight with a Piper PA-28 and crashes near Fairland, Indiana.
  • 1971 1,000 convicts seize Attica, NY prison, the start of a 4-day riot which eventually results in 39 dead, most killed by state troopers retaking the prison.
  • 2004 2004 Australian embassy bombing: A bomb explodes outside the Australian embassy in Jakarta, killing 10 people.

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Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, “Okay, I’m ready to hear the evidence…I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

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It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.

As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.

“It sure is,” I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van.

Finally he said, “What’d he do?”

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ONE-LINERS: Americans Are Wacky

– We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

– In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

– We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

– We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.

– We’re supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can’t deliver payrolls without an armored car.

– We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

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A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this:

Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.

Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.

Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer – do you have a locker room in the police station – a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.

Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.

Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.

Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

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pic of the day: Butterfly Bush Blooms

picture of butterfly bush blooms
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Late Night Quips:
~ ABC announced that Rosie Perez will join Rosie O’Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg as the new co-hosts of “The View.” Which explains the show’s new sponsor: Bose noise-canceling headphones. (Jimmy Fallon )
~ It is a sad day for us in the comedy community. We lost Joan Rivers, one of the all-time greats. It is terribly sad. I just hope that when Joan meets the man upstairs, he’s wearing something she can insult. (Craig Ferguson )
~ Rosie O’Donnell is going to be on “The View” and today they announced they hired Rosie Perez. So the show has two Rosies. That’s unprecedented in television. I was hoping for another Whoopi. (David Letterman )
~ The NFL season kicked off officially tonight. It’s that magical time of the year when millions of Americans transition from checking Facebook all day at work to checking their fantasy football lineups all day at work. (Jimmy Kimmel )
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

cow-pn
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A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet.

“Are you hurt?” he asked.

“Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”

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Father O’Brian, a young priest, was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.

Father O’Brian said “this is a very lonely job and I don’t think that I could have made it this long without my Rosary and two martinis each day.”

“What?!” Exclaimed the Bishop. “You’ve taken to drinking? What kind of example is that to set for the community? This doesn’t reflect well on the church.”

“But the loneliness, I just couldn’t stand it. If it weren’t for my Rosary and those two martinis a day, I would surely have gone insane.”

The Bishop thought a moment, then said “I guess that is understandable considering…”

With that the priest said to the Bishop, “Would you like to have a martini with me?”

The Bishop said, “well, I really shouldn’t but…Yes, that would be nice. I think I will, but just this once.”

The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, “Hey Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way – Henny Youngman.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. – C.S. Lewis

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