Jokes and Trivia for February 28, 2013

The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can do, well. – Henry W. Longfellow

TODAY – FEBRUARY 28th – THURSDAY

59th day of 2013 with 306 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Floral Design Day

*Public Sleeping Day

*National Tooth Fairy Day (and/or August 22)

*National Chocolate Soufflé Day

*Rare Disease Day (last day of February)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1683 René Antoine Ferchault de Réaumur, Paris,  scientist (study of insects)
  • 1820 John Tenniel, England, cartoonist/illustrator (Alice in Wonderland)
  • 1896 Philip Showalter Hench, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,  physician (Nobel / hormones of the adrenal cortex, their structure and biological effects)
  • 1901 Linus Pauling, Lake Oswego, Oregon,  chemist and activist (among the first scientists to work in the fields of quantum chemistry and of molecular biology)
  • 1906 Bugsy Siegel, Brooklyn, New York, gangster (created casinos in Las Vegas)
  • 1907 Milton Caniff, Hillsboro, Ohio, cartoonist (Terry & the Pirates; Steve Canyon)
  • 1915 Peter Medawar, Petrópolis, Brazil,  scientist  (graft rejection and the discovered acquired immune tolerance )
  • 1930 Leon Neil Cooper, New York City,  physicist (developed the BCS theory of superconductivity)
  • 1931 Gavin MacLeod, Mount Kisco, New York, actor (Murray / Mary Tyler Moore Show, Captain Merrill Stubing / Love Boat)
  • 1939 Daniel C. Tsui, Henan, China, physicist (Quantum Hall effect)
  • 1940 Mario Andretti, Italian-American race-car driver (1969 Indianapolis 500)
  • 1948 Steven Chu, St. Louis, Missouri, physicist. (Nobel 1997: laser cooling & trapping of atoms; biological systems at the single molecule level.)
  • 1942 Frank Bonner, Little Rock, Arkansas, actor (WKRP in Cincinnati )
  • 1944 Kelly Bishop, Colorado Springs, Colorado,  actress (Gilmore Girls, Dirty Dancing, A Chorus Line)
  • 1969 Patrick Monahan, Waterford, Pennsylvania,  singer (Train)
  • 1970 Daniel Handler, San Francisco, California, writer, best known for his work under the pen name Lemony Snicket
  • 1971 Maxine Bahns, Stowe, Vermont,  actress (Cutaway )
  • 1974 Tangi Miller, Miami, Florida,  actress (Felicity)

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Happiness resides not in posessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul. – Democritus

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1784 John Wesley charters Methodist Church.
  • 1787 The charter establishing the institution now known as the University of Pittsburgh is granted.
  • 1827 Baltimore & Ohio Railroad incorporated: first railroad in America offering commercial transportation of both people & freight.
  • 1844 A gun on USS Princeton explodes while the boat is on a Potomac River cruise, killing eight people, including two United States Cabinet members.
  • 1849 Regular steamboat service from the west to the east coast of the United States begins with the arrival of the SS California in San Francisco Bay, 4 months 22 days after leaving New York Harbor.
  • 1854 The Republican Party of the United States is organized in Ripon, Wisconsin.
  • 1861 Colorado is organized as a United States territory.
  • 1883 The first vaudeville theater opens in Boston, Massachusetts.
  • 1885 The American Telephone and Telegraph Company is incorporated in New York State as the subsidiary of American Bell Telephone. (American Bell would later merge with its subsidiary.)
  • 1922 Egypt regains independence from Britain, but British troops remain.
  • 1933 The England cricket team led by Douglas Jardine wins the acrimonious Bodyline
  • 1942 The heavy cruiser USS Houston (CA-30) is sunk in the Battle of Sunda Strait with 693 crew members killed, along with HMAS Perth (D29) which lost 375 men.
  • 1953 James D. Watson and Francis Crick announce to friends that they have determined the chemical structure of DNA; the formal announcement takes place on April 25 following publication in April Nature (pub. April 2).
  • 1958 A school bus in Floyd County, Kentucky hits a wrecker truck and plunges down an embankment into the rain-swollen Levisa Fork River. The driver and 26 children die in what remains the worst school bus accident in U.S. history.
  • 1972 Sino-American relations: The United States and People’s Republic of China sign the Shanghai Communiqué.
  • 1974 After seven years, the United States and Egypt re-establish diplomatic relations.
  • 1983 Final TV episode of “MASH” airs (CBS); record 125 million watch.
  • 1986 Olof Palme, Prime Minister of Sweden, is assassinated in Stockholm.
  • 1991 The first Gulf War ends.
  • 1997 The North Hollywood shootout takes place, resulting in the injury of 19 people and the deaths of both perpetrators.
  • 1997 A postmodern coup takes places in Turkey.
  • 1997 GRB 970228, a highly luminous flash of gamma rays, strikes the Earth for 80 seconds, providing early evidence that gamma-ray bursts occur well beyond the Milky Way.
  • 2001 The Nisqually Earthquake measuring 6.8 on the Richter Scale hits the Nisqually Valley and the Seattle, Tacoma, and Olympia area of the U.S. state of Washington.
  • 1993 US Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF) attempted to execute a search warrant at the Branch Davidian ranch near Waco, TX. An exchange of gunfire resulted in the deaths of four agents and six Davidians, and a subsequent 51-day siege.

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On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.

He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.

“Mostly baloney,” said the proprietor.

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On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: “Broken.”

A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car’s owner rushed out of a nearby building.

“What are you doing?” he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. “There’s plenty of time left!”

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ONE-LINERS: Thoughts to Ponder

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “oneslice”? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

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pic of the day: Nature’s Floral Design

picture of wild trillium

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A daring vacationer in Vienna is walking through a graveyard when all of a sudden she hears music. No one is around, so she starts looking to see where ita ™s coming from.

She finally locates the source and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads, a oeLudwig van Beethoven.a

Then she realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward. Puzzled, she leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with her.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but it is also being played backward.

Curious, the ladies agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing and the expert concludes that the symphonies are in fact being played in reverse order.

By the next day the word spread and a huge group gathered around the grave to hear the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard’s caretaker approaches the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker. “He’s just decomposing!!”

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A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password. No, it’s not the usual caps-lock problem.

“The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says.

“Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains, “so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password.”

“Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”

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There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, “What were the people doing on the bus?”

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, “Yeah, but what else were they doing?”.

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, “Oh! They were drinking, huh??!” The chief continues, “Okay, were they doing anything else?”

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?”

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: SLEEPING trivia

~A PERSON will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. TRUTH: Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.

~Charles Dickens was an insomniac who believed his best chance of sleeping was in the centre of a bed facing directly north.

~You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

~The “natural alarm clock” which enables some people to wake up more or less when they want to is caused by a burst of the stress hormone.

~The record for the longest period without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, 40 minutes during a rocking chair marathon. The record holder reported hallucinations, paranoia, blurred vision, slurred speech and memory and concentration lapses.

~Experts say one of the most alluring sleep distractions is the 24-hour accessibility of the Internet.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you choose not to decide – you still have made a choice! – Neil Peart

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The secret to changing your life is in your intentions. Wishing, hoping and goal setting cannot accomplish change without intention. What is needed is a shift from the inert energy of wanting to the active energy of doing and intention. – Wayne Dyer