Jokes and Trivia for July 16, 2013

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

TODAY – JULY 16th – TUESDAY

197th day of 2013 with 168 follow. 

Holidays for Today:

*National Corn Fritters Day

*Fresh Spinach Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1722 Joseph Wilton, London, English sculptor (one of the founding members of the Royal Academy)
  • 1731 Samuel Huntington, Windham, connecticut, patriot & politician (3rd Governor of Connecticut, signer of the Declaration of Independence)
  • 1821 Mary Baker Eddy, Bow, New Hampshire, author (Science & Health with Key to the Scriptures), founder of Christian Science religion
  • 1872 Roald Amundsen, Norwegian explorer (led Antarctic expedition to discover South Pole)
  • 1907 Barbara Stanwyck, Brooklyn, New York, actress (Night Nurse, Union Pacific, The Lady Eve, The Big Valley, The Thorn Birds)
  • 1907 Orville Redenbacher, Brazil, Indiana, businessman (popcorn!)
  • 1911 Ginger Rogers, Independence, Missouri, actress, dancer (Fred Astaire’s dancing partner in 10 films, Kitty Foyle, Lady in the Dark, Storm Warning)
  • 1926 Irwin Rose, Brooklyn, New York,  biologist (Nobel / ubiquitin-mediated protein degradation)
  • 1936 Buddy Merrill, Torrey, Utah, musician (The Lawrence Welk Show)
  • 1943 Jimmy Johnson, Port Arthur, Texas, football coach (Oklahoma State University, University of Miami, Dallas Cowboys, Miami Dolphins), Fox NFL Sunday analyst
  • 1946 Richard LeParmentier, Pennsylvania, British actor (Admiral Motti in Star Wars IV: A New Hope; Santino in Who Framed Roger Rabbit; Superman II, Octopussy)
  • 1956 Jerry Doyle, Brooklyn, New York, talk radio host / actor (The Jerry Doyle Show / Michael Garibaldi on Babylon 5)
  • 1958 Michael Flatley, Irish-American dancer, choreographer, and actor (Riverdance, Lord of the Dance, Celtic Tiger)
  • 1967 Will Ferrell, Irvine, California, comedian (Saturday Night Live, Talledega Nights, Blades of Glory, The Other Guys)
  • 1963 Phoebe Cates, NYC, New York, actress (Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Gremlins)
  • 1968 Larry Sanger, Bellevue, Washington, philosopher, co-founder of Wikipedia, founder of Citizendium
  • 1969 Daryl Mitchell, The Bronx, New York, actor (The John Larroquette Show, Veronica’s Closet, Ed)
  • 1971 Corey Feldman, Los Angeles, California, actor (Friday the 13th, The Goonies, The Lost Bogs, Gremlins, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
  • 1979 Jayma Mays, Bristol, Tennessee, actress (Glee, Ugly Betty, Heroes, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, The Smurfs)
  • 1987 Andrew James Allen, Redmond, Washington, actor (The Lovely Bones, Hyena, Smiley)
  • 1990 James Maslow, New York City, New York, singer and actor (Big Time Rush, Big Time Movie)
  • 1991 Randall Bentley, Marietta, Georgia, actor (Heroes, Love’s Unfolding Dream)
  • 1994 Mark Indelicato, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer and actor (Ugly Betty )

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“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” ― Oscar Wilde

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1769 Father Junipero Serra founds California’s first mission, Mission San Diego de Alcalá. Over the following decades, it evolves into the city of San Diego.
  • 1779 American Revolutionary War: light infantry of the Continental Army seize a fortified British Army position in a midnight bayonet attack at the Battle of Stony Point.
  • 1790 District of Columbia established as the capital of the United States after signature of the Residence Act.
  • 1861 By order of President Abraham Lincoln, Union troops begin a 25 mile march into Virginia during the Civil War for what became The First Battle of Bull Run, the first major land battle of the war.
  • 1862 David Farragut is promoted to rear admiral during The Civil War, becoming the first officer in United States Navy to hold an admiral rank.
  • 1927 Augusto César Sandino leads a raid on U.S. Marines and Nicaraguan Guardia Nacional that had been sent to apprehend him in the village of Ocotal, but is repulsed by one of the first dive-bombing attacks in history.
  • 1931 Emperor Haile Selassie I signs the first constitution of Ethiopia.
  • 1935 The world’s first parking meter is installed in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
  • 1941 Joe DiMaggio hits safely for the 56th consecutive game, a streak that still stands as a MLB record.
  • 1956 Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus closes its very last “Big Tent” show in Pittsburgh, due to changing economics all subsequent circus shows will be held in arenas.
  • 1957 United States Marine major John Glenn flies a F8U Crusader supersonic jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds, setting a new transcontinental speed record.
  • 1960 USS George Washington a modified Skipjack class submarine successfully test fires the first ballistic missile while submerged.
  • 1965 The Mont Blanc Tunnel linking France and Italy opens.
  • 1969 Apollo 11, the first manned space mission to land on the Moon, is launched from the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral, Florida.
  • 1973 Watergate Scandal: former White House aide Alexander P. Butterfield informs the United States Senate that President Richard Nixon had secretly recorded potentially incriminating conversations.
  • 1999 John F. Kennedy, Jr., piloting a Piper Saratoga aircraft, dies when his plane crashes into the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard. His wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and sister-in-law Lauren Bessette are also killed.
  • 2004 Millennium Park, considered Chicago’s first and most ambitious early 21st century architectural project, is opened to the public by Mayor Richard M. Daley.

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“Hello”
“Hello”

“Is that you, Larry?”
“Yes, this is Larry.”

“Are you sure this is Larry.”
“Yes I’m sure, this is Larry !”

“This is Pete… can you lend me twenty dollars ?”
“I’ll tell Larry when he comes in.”

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Most people assume WWJD is for “What would Jesus do?” But the initials really stand for “What would Jesus drive?”

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because “the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.”

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to “pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.”

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses’ followers are warned not to go up a mountain “until the Ram’s horn sounds a long blast.”

Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John’s gospel where Christ tells the crowd, “For I did not speak of my own Accord.”

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring, “the roar of Moses’ Triumph is heard in the hills.”

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: “Joshua’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.” And, following the Master’s lead, the Apostles car-pooled in a Honda: “The Apostles were in one Accord.”

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ONE-LINERS: Men & Women

LONGEVITY – Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY – Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION – There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

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A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”

The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.”

And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”

The owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”

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pic of the day: Bactrian Camel at The Wilds in Cumberland, Ohio

picture of Bactrian Camel

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Warning! Pun Zone! FUNNY NAMES!

~ a driving school in the Merseyside area called ‘L Passo’.
~ Fruit, vegetable and flower shop called ‘Meloncaulie Rose’.
~ Barbers shop named ‘Herr Kutz’.
~ mobile snack bar which goes by the name of, ‘The Star Chip Enterprise.’
~ A van company in Kent called “Van Gough”.
~ horticultural nursery boasting a sign reading: “Your fuchsia is in our hands.”
~ In Havant, Hants, UK a greetings card shop can be found that goes by the name of “Havant Forgotten”.

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An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.

“The front row please,” she answered.

“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No,” he said.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“No,” she said.

“Good,” he answered.

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Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?

Student: The wrong answer.

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Just To Think About. . .

~ Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
~A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
~How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
~If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
~What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Spinach, one of the world’s healthiest foods!

~The 3 most common types of spinach are:

  1. Savoy has crisp, creased curly leaves that have a springy texture.
  2. Smooth-leaf has flat, unwrinkled, spade-shaped leaves, while semi-savoy is similar in texture to savoy but not as crinkled.
  3. Baby spinach is has a delicate texture and taste, making it great for use in salads.

~Spinach is full of vitamins and minerals and also health-promoting phytonutrients such as carotenoids (beta-carotene, lutein, and zeaxanthin) and flavonoids to provide you with powerful antioxidant protection.

~Glycoglycerolipids from spinach can help protect the lining of the digestive tract from damage — especially damage related to unwanted inflammation.

~You get almost 200% of the Daily Value of Vitamin K in one cup of fresh spinach leaves and over 1000% of the Daily Value in one cup of boiled spinach (which contains about 6 times as much spinach).  This is important for maintaining bone health.

~Buying Spinach in stores: baby spinach in clear plastic containers that is exposed to constant light is higher in overall nutrient richness than baby spinach leaves that are kept in total darkness.

Source:

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ― Albert Einstein

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ― H. Jackson Brown Jr.

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