Jokes and Trivia for March 26, 2013

Your life is an occasion. Rise to it. – Suzanne Weyn

TODAY – MARCH 26th – TUESDAY

85th day of 2013 with 280 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

*Spinach Day

*Prince Kūhiō Day (holiday in Hawaii)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1753 Benjamin Thompson, Woburn, Massachusetts, physicist and inventor (known for Thermodynamics)
  • 1773 Nathaniel Bowditch, Salem, Massachusetts, mathematician and navigator (credited as the founder of modern maritime navigation; his book The New American Practical Navigator)
  • 1874 Robert Frost, San Francisco, California, poet (The Road Not Taken, Mending Wall, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening)
  • 1911 Bernard Katz, Leipzig, Germany,  German-born biophysicist (noted for his work on nerve biochemistry)
  • 1904 Joseph Campbell, White Plains, New York, author (best known for work in comparative mythology and comparative religion)
  • 1911 Tennessee Williams, Columbus, Mississippi, playwright (The Rose Tattoo, A Streetcar Named Desire, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof)
  • 1916 Christian B. Anfinsen, Monessen, Pennsylvania, chemist (known for Ribonuclease, Anfinsen’s dogma)
  • 1930 Sandra Day O’Connor, El Paso, Texas, jurist (1st woman on Supreme Court of U.S.)
  • 1931 Leonard Nimoy, Boston, Massachusetts, actor and director (Spock on Star Trek; Mission Impossible, In Search Of.., Civilization IV; Sentinel Prime voice on Transformers: Dark of the Moon)
  • 1934 Alan Arkin, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Wait Until Dark, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Catch-22, Edward Scissorhands, Marley & Me, Little Miss Sunshine)
  • 1938 Anthony James Leggett, Camberwell, London, England, UK, American physicist, recognized as a world leader in the theory of low-temperature physics, and his pioneering work on superfluidity
  • 1940 James Caan, The Bronx, New York, actor (The Godfather, A Bridge Too Far, Brian’s Song, Elf, El Dorado, Big Ed on Las Vegas)
  • 1944 Diana Ross, Detroit, Michigan, singer (Supremes)
  • 1946 Johnny Crawford, Los Angeles, California, actor (The Rifleman, Mouseketeer, Indian Paint, El Dorado)
  • 1948 Steven Tyler, Yonkers, New York, American singer (Aerosmith)
  • 1949 Vicki Lawrence, Inflewood, California, actress and singer (The Carol Burnett Show, Mama’s Family)
  • 1950 Martin Short, Canadian comedian and actor (Three Amigos, Mars Attacks!, Father of the Bride)
  • 1957 Leeza Gibbons, Hartsville, South Carolina, television host (Hollywood Confidential; Dancing with the Stars 2007)
  • 1960 Jennifer Grey, New York, New York, actress (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Dirty Dancing; Dancing with the Stars season 11)
  • 1962 Eric Allan Kramer, Grand Rapids, Michigan, actor (Little John in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, The Hughleys, Good Luck Charlie)
  • 1966 Michael Imperioli, Mount Vernon, New York, actor (The Sopranos, Law & Order, Life on Mars)
  • 1973 Lawrence E. Page, Lansing, Michigan, search engine designer (co-founder of Google)
  • 1981 Jay Sean, Harlesden, Brent, London, England, British R&B singer
  • 1992 Haley Ramm, Collin County, Texas, actress  (X-Men: The Last Stand)

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Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift. – Regina Brett

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1830 The Book of Mormon is published in Palmyra, New York.
  • 1839 The first Henley Royal Regatta is held.
  • 1881 Thessaly is freed and becomes part of Greece again.
  • 1958 The United States Army launches Explorer 3.
  • 1967 Ten thousand people gather for one of many Central Park be-ins in New York City.
  • 1971 East Pakistan declares its independence from Pakistan to form People’s Republic of Bangladesh and the Bangladesh Liberation War begins.
  • 1979 Anwar al-Sadat, Menachem Begin and Jimmy Carter sign the Israel-Egypt Peace Treaty in Washington, D.C..
  • 1982 A groundbreaking ceremony for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial is held in Washington, D.C..
  • 1997 Thirty-nine bodies are found in the Heaven’s Gate cult suicides.
  • 1999 The “Melissa worm” infects Microsoft word processing and e-mail systems around the world.
  • 1999 A jury in Michigan finds Dr. Jack Kevorkian guilty of second-degree murder for administering a lethal injection to a terminally ill man.
  • 2001World Championship Wrestling is purchased by the World Wrestling Federation.
  • 2005 The Taiwanese government calls on 1 million Taiwanese to demonstrate in Taipei, in opposition to the Anti-Secession Law of the People’s Republic of China. Around 200,000 to 300,000 attend the demonstration.

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A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard.

“That’s certainly a proud-looking rooster,” the minister commented.

“Yes, sir,” replied the farmer. “He has reason to be proud– one of his sons just entered the ministry.”

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Well now, you see it’s like this….

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd.

In much the same way the human brain only operates as quickly as the slowest of it’s brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, as we all know, and naturally the alcohol attacks the slowest/weakest cells first….

So it is as plain as the nose on your face that regular consumption of Guinness will eliminate the weaker, slower brain cells thus leaving the remaining cells the best in the brain.

The end result, of course, is a faster more efficient brain.

If you doubt this at all, tell me, isn’t it true that we always feel a bit smarter after a few pints?

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ONE-LINERS: CHILDREARING Q&A

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

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pic of the day: A Tree Full of Cloud

picture of bare branch

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. “What are you doing in there?” she asked.

The rabbit replied: “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?”

“Yes …”

“Well, I’m westing.”

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A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.

Seeing God, she asked “Is my time up?”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you!”

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While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”

“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: SPINACH

~Spinach is a native plant of Persia (modern day Iran).

~Introduced to China in the 7th century, widely known as “the Persian Green” even today

~Silver Beet is commonly sold as spinach. They are closely related and the nutritional properties are almost identical.

~ In 1870, Dr. E von Wolf measured the iron content of spinach, but placed the decimal point in the wrong position. The myth of the high iron content of spinach is still being wrongfully yet widely circulated today.

~Spinach is best eaten fresh.

~ The spinach growing town of Crystal City, Texas, erected a statue of Popeye in 1937.

~’Birds Eye’ was the first company to advertise frozen spinach. It did so in “Life” magazine in 1949.

~California is today the US’s #1 grower/supplier of spinach.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: There are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something. – Thomas A. Edison

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones. And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. – Victor Hugo