Jokes and Trivia for February 27, 2013

Everyone has a fair turn to be as great as he pleases. – Jeremy Collier

TODAY – FEBRUARY 27th – WEDNESDAY

58th day of 2013 with 307th follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Polar Bear Day

*No Brainer Day

*National Strawberry Day

*National Kahlua Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1807 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Portland, Maine, poet (Paul Revere’s Ride, The Song of Hiawatha)
  • 1877 Walter Briggs, Sr., Ypsilanti, Michigan, entrepreneur (Briggs Manufacturing Company) and sports team owner (part-owner Detroit Tigers, helped found Detroit Zoo)
  • 1899 Charles Best, West Pembroke, Washington County, Maine, Canadian medical scientist (one of the co-discoverers of insulin)
  • 1902 John Steinbeck, Salinas, California, author (The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden, Of Mice and Men/ Nobel for literature in 1962)
  • 1910 Clarence “Kelly” Johnson, Ishpeming, Michigan, aerospace engineer (1st team leader of Lockheed Skunk Works, leading role in design of over 40 aircraft, winner of Collier Trophy)
  • 1913 Irwin Shaw, New York, New York, author (The Young Lions; Rich Man, Poor Man; Beggarman, Thief)
  • 1926 David H. Hubel, Windsor, Ontario, Canadian neuroscientist (Visual system)
  • 1930 Joanne Woodward, Thomasville, Georgia, actress (The Three Faces of Eve; Rachel, Rachel; Summer Wishes, Winter Dreams; Sybil; Empire Falls)
  • 1930 Paul von Ragué Schleyer, Cleveland, Ohio, organic physical chemist (as of 1997  world’s third most cited chemist, with over 1100 technical papers produced)
  • 1932 Elizabeth Taylor, British-American actress (Lassie Come Home, National Velvet, Butterfield 8, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?)
  • 1934 Ralph Nader, Winsted, Connecticut, author, activist and political figure
  • 1937 Barbara Babcock, Fort Riley, Kansas, actress (Hill Street Blues, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)
  • 1934 Van Williams, Fort Worth, Texas, actor  (The Green Hornet)
  • 1942 Robert H. Grubbs, Possum Trot, Kentucky, chemist (development of the metathesis method in organic synthesis)
  • 1944 Ken Grimwood, Dothan, Alabama, writer (Replay, Breakthrough, Two Plus Two)
  • 1954 Neal Schon, Tinker Air Force Base, Oklahoma, musician (Journey)
  • 1959 Johnny Van Zant, Jacksonville, Florida, singer (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
  • 1962 Adam Baldwin, Winnetka, Illinois, actor (Full Metal Jacket, My Bodyguard, The X-Filess, Angel, Firefly, Serenity, Day Break, Transformers: Prime)
  • 1971 “Chilli” Thomas, Atlanta, Georgia, singer (TLC)
  • 1981 Josh Groban, Los Angeles, California, singer, songwriter (first 4 solo albums multi-platimun, in 2007 charted as #1 best selling artist in U.S.)

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The greatest results in life are usually attained by simple means and the exercise of ordinary qualities. These may for the most part be summed in these two: common-sense and perseverance. – Owen Feltham

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1776 American Revolutionary War: the Battle of Moore’s Creek Bridge in North Carolina breaks up a Loyalist militia.
  • 1801 Pursuant to the District of Columbia Organic Act of 1801, Washington, D.C. is placed under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Congress.
  • 1860 Abraham Lincoln makes a speech at Cooper Union in the city of New York that is largely responsible for his election to the Presidency.
  • 1922 A challenge to the Nineteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, allowing women the right to vote, is rebuffed by the Supreme Court of the United States in Leser v. Garnett.
  • 1939 The U.S. Supreme Court rules that sit-down strikes violate property owners’ rights and are therefore illegal.
  • 1940 Martin Kamen and Sam Ruben discover carbon-14.
  • 1943 The Smith Mine #3 in Bearcreek, Montana, explodes, killing 74 men.
  • 1951 The Twenty-second Amendment to the United States Constitution, limiting Presidents to two terms, is ratified.
  • 1964 The government of Italy asks for help to keep the Leaning Tower of Pisa from toppling over.
  • 1971 Doctors in the first Dutch abortion clinic (the Mildredhuis in Arnhem) start to perform aborti provocati.
  • 1973 The American Indian Movement occupies Wounded Knee, South Dakota.
  • 1976 The formerly Spanish territory of Western Sahara, under the auspices of the Polisario Front declares independence as the Sahrawi Arab Democratic Republic.
  • 1986 The United States Senate allows its debates to be televised on a trial basis.
  • 1991 Gulf War: U.S. President George H. W. Bush announces that “Kuwait is liberated”.
  • 2002 Ryanair Flight 296 catches fire at London Stansted Airport. Subsequent investigations criticize Ryanair’s handling of the evacuation.
  • 2004 The initial version of the John Jay Report, with details about the Catholic sexual abuse scandal in the United States, is released.
  • 2007  The Chinese Correction: the Shanghai Stock Exchange falls 9%, the largest drop in 10 years.

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The fellow stormed into the postmaster’s office in a fury. “I’ve been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped.”

“Of course,” said the postmaster. “Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who’s sending them?”

“Yes. It’s those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service.”

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An attorney I know once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death.

When they arrived at his office to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office.

“Now,” he said cheerfully, “which one of you wants to go first?”

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ONE-LINERS: Necessary Information for Life

– If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

– Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

– Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

– If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

– Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

– For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

– If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

– Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

– Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

– Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

– Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

– There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

– Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

– Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

– It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

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pic of the day: Strawberry Blossoms

strawberry-blossoms

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Waiter to customer: “Hawaii, mister. You must be Hungary?”

“Yes, Siam. But I can’t Rumania here for long. Venice dinner being served?”

“I’ll Russia everything. What will you have? Turkey fried in Greece?”

“Whatever is ready. But can’t Jamaica cook do it fast?”

“Odessa laugh, Juneau. But Alaska.”

“In the meantime I’ll have a cup of Java with a Cuba sugar.”

“Don’t be Sicily. Sweden it yourself. I’m only here to Serbia.”

“Denmark up my Czech. I don’t Bolivia know who I am?”

“Samoa wisecracks. What’s got India? Do you think this arguing Alps business?”

“You’re a big Spain in the neck. Abyssinia!”

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As part of the exam, the professor had his students sign a form stating that they had not received any outside assistance.

One student  raised his hand and said, “I’m not sure if I can sign. I prayed to God for help with the test.”

The professor picked up the student’s paper and carefully studied the answers.

He set it back on the desk and said, “You can sign with a clear conscience. It’s perfectly obvious that God did not provide any assistance.”

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In one small town the Sheriff was also the Veterinarian.

One night an agitated citizen phoned him: “We need you right away!”

“Do you need me as the sheriff or the vet?”

“Both!  We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: There’s still more about STRAWBERRIES

~This juicy fruit belongs to the rose family and an average strawberry has about 200 seeds scattered on the surface.

~In Bavaria country there is a ritual of tying small baskets filled with strawberries to the horns of their cattle as an offering for the elves. If you will practice it, elves in turn will express their gratitude by coaxing the cows to give more milk.

~Fresh Strawberries were once used as toothpaste, as the strawberry juice helped in cleansing discolored teeth.

~ MUST KNOW: Supposedly if you break a strawberry into two and share it with some one then you will fall in love with each other. It’s LOVE month. Why not try this one?

~Madame Tallien who was known for her beauty at Emperor Napoleon’s court used to take bath in the juice of fresh strawberries. She used close to 22 pounds per basin!

~According to ancient Romans —- strawberries helped in the  curing of melancholy, fainting, inflammations, fevers, throat infections and even kidney stones.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. – Ann Landers

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and let it come in. – Morrie Schwartz.