Jokes and Trivia July 9, 2012

There is something in the pang of change more than the heart can bear, unhappiness remembering happiness. – Euripides

TODAY – JULY 9th – MONDAY

191st day of 2012 with 175 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Sugar Cookie Day

*Constitution Day (Australia)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1819 Elias Howe, Spencer, Massachusetts, inventory (sewing machine pioneer)
  • 1894 Pyotr Leonidovich Kapitsa, Kronstadt, Russian Empire, physicist (Superfluidity)
  • 1901 Dame Barbara Cartland, English author (romantic novels)
  • 1911 John A. Wheeler, Jacksonville, Florida, physicist (coined the terms black hole, quantum foam, and wormhole and the phrase “it from bit”)
  • 1926 Ben Roy Mottelson, Chicago, Illinois, physicist (Nobel / non-spherical geometry of atomic nuclei)
  • 1927 Ed Ames, Maiden, Massachusetts, singer (My Cup Runneth Over) and actor (Daniel Boone tv show)
  • 1933 Oliver Sacks, British-born neurologist and author (Awakenings, The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, The Mind’s Eye)
  • 1942 Richard Roundtree, New Rochelle, New York, actor (Shaft)
  • 1942 Edy Williams, Salt Lake City, Utah, actress (The Secret Life of an American Wife, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Dr. Minx)
  • 1943 John Casper, Greenville, South Carolina, U.S. Air Force fighter pilot and retired NASA astronaut (STS-36, STS-54, STS-62, STS-77)
  • 1945 Dean Koontz, Everett, Pennsylvania, author (Star Quest, Whispers, Demon Seed, Strangers, Prison of Ice, Sole Survivor, Hideaway, Watchers)
  • 1951 Chris Cooper, Kansas City, Missouri, actor (The Bourne Identity, American Beauty, Capote, The Town, The Kingdom, Syriana )
  • 1952 John Tesh, Garden City, New York, pianist and composer (pop, Contemporary Christian, smooth jazz, New Age)
  • 1955 Jimmy Smits, Brooklyn, New York, actor (L.A. Law, NYPD Blue, The West Wing, Dexter, Bail Organa in Star Wars prequel triolgy)
  • 1956 Tom Hanks, Concord, California, actor (Saving Private Ryan, Cast Away, Forrest Gump, Apollo 13 )
  • 1957 Kelly McGillis, Newport Beach, California, actress (Top Gun, The Accused, Witness)
  • 1959 Jim Kerr, Glasgow, Scotland, singer (Simple Minds)
  • 1973 Enrique Murciano, Miami, Florida, actor (Without a Trace, Miss Congeniality 2, The Lost City, Black Hawk Down)
  • 1975 Isaac Brock, Helena, Montana, singer and musician (Modest Mouse, Ugly Casanova)
  • 1975 Jack White, Detroit, Michigan, vocalist and musician (The White Stripes)
  • 1976 Fred Savage, actor & director (The Wonder Years, The Princess Bride, Generator Rex)
  • 1982 Ashly DelGrosso-Costa, Denver Colorado, dancer (Dancing w/the Stars, season 10 with Buzz Aldrin)

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Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities. – Frank Lloyd Wright, quoted in his obituary, April 9, 1959

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1776 The Declaration of Independence was ordered to be read out loud to members of the Continental Army in New York, New York for the first time by George Washington.
  • 1789 In Versailles, the National Assembly reconstitutes itself as the National Constituent Assembly and begins preparations for a French constitution.
  • 1790 Russo-Swedish War: Second Battle of Svensksund – in the Baltic Sea, the Swedish Navy captures one third of the Russian fleet.
  • 1793 The Act Against Slavery is passed in Upper Canada and the importation of slaves into Lower Canada is prohibited.
  • 1807 The Treaties of Tilsit are signed by Napoleon I of France and Alexander I of Russia.
  • 1811 Explorer David Thompson posts a sign at the confluence of the Columbia and Snake Rivers (in modern Washington state, US), claiming the land for the United Kingdom.
  • 1815 Talleyrand becomes the first Prime Minister of France.
  • 1863 American Civil War: the Siege of Port Hudson ends.
  • 1868 The 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified guaranteeing African Americans full citizenship and all persons in the United States due process of law.
  • 1877 The inaugural Wimbledon Championships opens.
  • 1918 Great train wreck of 1918: in Nashville, Tennessee, an inbound local train collides with an outbound express killing 101 and injuring 171 people, making it the deadliest rail accident in United States history.
  • 1922 Johnny Weissmuller swims the 100 meters freestyle in 58.6 seconds breaking the world swimming record and the ‘minute barrier’.
  • 1932 The state of São Paulo revolts against the Brazilian Federal Government, starting the Constitutionalist Revolution
  • 1961 Turkish voters approve the Turkish Constitution of 1961 in a referendum.
  • 1962 The Starfish Prime high-altitude nuclear test is conducted by the United States of America.
  • 1962 Andy Warhol’s Campbell’s Soup Cans exhibition opens at the Ferus Gallery in Los Angeles.
  • 1999 Days of student protests begin after Iranian police and hardliners attack a student dormitory at the University of Tehran.
  • 2006 At least 122 people are killed after a Sibir Airlines Airbus A310 passenger jet, carrying 200 passengers veers off the runway while landing in wet conditions at Irkutsk Airport in Siberia.
  • 2011 South Sudan gains independence and secedes from Sudan.

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A minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children’s message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, “You see each one of you is a little pane.” And then pointing to each child, “You’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And you’re a little pane. And…”

It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.

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A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child’s kindness, and gave her the dollar.

“There you are, my dear,” said the mother. “But, tell me, isn’t the lady able to work any more?”

“Oh yes,” came the reply. “She sells candy.”

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ONE-LINERS: Personalized Plates

These are purported to be real personalized license plates for cars in the United States.

WUF WUF – On a Brown Rover

2QT4U – 2 Cute for you

TUSKY – To ski

TIHS O – This one that works in the rear view mirror. This guy fooled the Ontario authorities.

4MYEGO – On a Porsche.

BSSCLRNT – On a professional bass clarinetist’ car.

BANDLADY – On a high school band teacher’s car.

ORFFAN – On a car of music educator, who teaches using methods developed by Carl Orff.

SEWBIZ – On the car owned by a sewing machine dealership.

IDUNTOLU – Seen on a school principal’s car. He was in charge of discipline.

GGR OOM – On a Horse Grooming Company car.

PN DCTR – On acupuncturist’s car.

6UL DV8 – Sexual Deviate

JUNK – On a 1993 GMC (jimmy). On a recycler of junk metals in Maryland.

ML8ML8 – I’m late, I’m late {for a very important date}, On a white Volkswagen Rabbit.

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pic of the day: White Roses

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other.

One says to the other, “Are you all right?”

“No, I lost an electron.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m positive.”

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A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”

One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”

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One day I was talking to my son Mat about safely crossing the street while trying to incorporate the idea of sacrifice and love at the same time.

I decided to make this little teachable moment an opportunity to have him choose between safety and sacrifice. I asked Mat, who was probably about 6 at the time; “If I were to be walking across the street and didn’t see a car coming and I was about to get hit, would you run out in the street and push me out of the way of the car so I didn’t get hurt even if it meant you would probably get hurt really badly?”

With minimal hesitation Mat replied, “Well, that wouldn’t be very smart.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What you know about sugar?

Did you know…

~sugar was one of the first pharmaceutical ingredients used, as it still is today, to mask the bitter taste of medicines?

~that in the late 16th Century, a mere teaspoon of sugar cost the equivalent of five dollars in London?

~a can of Coke has 39 grams of sugar and a can of Pepsi has 41 grams of sugar. That is about seven teaspoons or 13 lumps of sugar per can!

~Lemons contain more sugar than Strawberries.

~The trick to curing hiccups is to get the nerves that regulate breathing synchronized by taking a teaspoon of granulated sugar.

~In 1900, sugar cost 4 cents a pound and eggs cost 14 cents per dozen.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Happiness isn’t something you experience; it’s something you remember. – Oscar Levant

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

But pain… seems to me an insufficient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like time, is going to come on regardless. Question is, what glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain? – Lois McMaster Bujold, “Barrayar”, 1991