Jokes and Trivia for June 27, 2012

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. – Irv Kupcinet

TODAY – JUNE 27th – WEDNESDAY

179th day of 2012 with 187 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Sun Glasses Day

*National Orange Blossom Day

*National HIV Testing Day

*Canadian Multiculturalism Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1850 Jørgen Pedersen Gram, Nustrup, Duchy of Schleswig, mathematician (papers of his include On series expansions determined by the methods of least squares, and Investigations of the number of primes less than a given number)
  • 1880 Helen Keller, Tuscumbia, Alabama, blind-deaf author/lecturer
  • 1907 John McIntire, Spokane, Washington, actor (Psycho, Elmer Gantry, Flaming Star, Herbie Rides Again, Rooster Cogburn, The Rescuers, Turner & Hooch, Naked City, Wagon Train, The Virginian)
  • 1927 Bob Keeshan, Lynbrook, New York, actor (Captain Kangaroo; Clarabelle on Howdy Doody)
  • 1930 Ross Perot, Texarkana, Texas, billionaire and politician (Electronic Data Systems)
  • 1931 Martinus J. G. Veltman, Waalwijk, Netherlands,  physicist (Nobel / particle theory)
  • 1942 Bruce Johnston, Peoria, Illinois, musician (The Beach Boys)
  • 1951 Julia Duffy, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actress (Stephanie-Newhart, Designing Women, Baby Talk, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, The Blue and the Gray)
  • 1959 Dan Jurgens, American comic book writer (created superhero Booster Gold, worked on Superman series, etc.)
  • 1959 Lorrie Morgan, Nashville, Tennessee, country music singer (Something in Red)
  • 1963 Johnny Benson, Grand Rapids, Michigan, NASCAR driver  (1996 Rookie of the Year)
  • 1975 Tobey Maguire, Santa Monica, California, actor (Spider-Man films )
  • 1978 Courtney Ford, Orange County, California, actress (The Vampire Diaries)
  • 1981 John Driscoll, Fort Belvoir, Virginia,  actor (Young Americans, Dawson’s Creek, The Book of Daniel, Guiding Light)
  • 1986 Drake Bell, Santa Ana, California, actor and musician (Jerry Maguire, Drake & Josh, Superhero Movie, The Nutty Professor, The Amanda Show)
  • 1991 Madylin Sweeten, Brownwood, Texas, actress (Everybody Loves Raymond)

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Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. – Helen Keller

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1844 Joseph Smith, Jr., founder of the Latter Day Saint movement, and his brother Hyrum Smith, are murdered by a mob at the Carthage, Illinois jail.
  • 1895 The inaugural run of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad’s Royal Blue from Washington, D.C., to New York City, the first U.S. passenger train to use electric locomotives.
  • 1898 The first solo circumnavigation of the globe is completed by Joshua Slocum from Briar Island, Nova Scotia.
  • 1923 First ever aerial refueling in a DH-4B biplane performed by Capt. Lowell H. Smith and Lt. John P. Richter.
  • 1946 The Parliament of Canada establishes the definition of Canadian citizenship in the Canadian Citizenship Act.
  • 1950 President Truman orders Air Force & Navy into Korean conflict.
  • 1954 The world’s first nuclear power station opens in Obninsk, near Moscow.
  • 1967 The world’s first ATM is installed in Enfield, London.
  • 1974 U.S president Richard Nixon visits the U.S.S.R..
  • 1976 Air France Flight 139 (Tel Aviv-Athens-Paris) is hijacked en route to Paris by the PLO and redirected to Entebbe, Uganda.
  • 1977 France grants independence to Djibouti.
  • 1982 Space Shuttle Columbia launched from the Kennedy Space Center on the final research and development flight mission, STS-4.
  • 1989 The current international treaty defending indigenous peoples, ILO 169 convention, was adopted.
  • 1991 Slovenia, after declaring independence two days before is invaded by Yugoslav troops, tanks, and aircraft starting the Ten-Day War.
  • 2007 The Brazilian Military Police invades the favelas of Complexo do Alemão in an episode which is remembered as the Complexo do Alemão massacre.

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Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

“Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”

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I was nervous the night my husband and I took our three young sons to a fancy restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. She poured a small amount for me to taste, at that moment, our six-year-old piped up, “Mum drinks a lot more than that.”
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ONE-LINERS: Questions of Logic

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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pic of the day: Dragonfly

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulled up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulled up on the right. The man leaned down, pulled open the door, and jumped off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opened the door on the other side and jumped onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out, “What was that about?”

He replied, “It’s just a stage I’m going through.”

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.

“Aha,” says the engineer, “I see that Scottish sheep are black.”

“Hmm,” says the physicist, “You mean that some Scottish sheep are black.”

“No,” says the mathematician, “All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!”

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Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Celebrate Sunglasses Day!

~This is a shady day for your eyes.

~There’s lots of reasons why we should wear sunglasses, including:

  • You want to be a movie star and they all wear sunglasses.
  • You’re looking to hide behind a big, dark pair of sunglasses, and travel unseen through the streets.
  • A little espionage, eh!?
  • You want to make a fashion statement.
  • And, Oh yes…. A few of us wear sunglasses to protect our eyes from the harmful rays of the sun.

~Did you know? Sunglasses protect your eyes from harmful UV rays. Your Optician will tell you that sungalsses with UV protection, will help to avoid cataracts. They also report that UV rays can be stronger in the winter, as the sun’s rays hit you on the way down.

~A pair of UV protection sunglasses is definitely in order for the eyes.

~In 1752, the first tinted sunglasses were made. Then in 1929, the entrepreneur Sam Foster mass-produced the modern version.

~Since then, sunglasses have been worn everywhere from major league baseball fields to outer space.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The only test of leadership is that somebody follows. – Robert K. Greenleaf

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness. – Mark Twain