Tag Archives: Canadian Geese

Humor for November 2, 2016

You may delay, but time will not. – Benjamin Franklin

TODAY – NOVEMBER 2nd – WEDNESDAY

307th day of 2016 with 59 days to follow. Moon is waxing with 7% visible.

Holidays for Today:
~ All Soul’s Day
~ Day of the Dead (2nd day) or El Dia de los Muertos celebration (Mexico)
~ International Day to End Impunity for Crimes Against Journalists
~ Look for Circles Day
~ National Deviled Egg Day
~ Plan Your Epitath Day
~ Statehood Day (North Dakota and South Dakota)
~ Aviation History Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1734 Daniel Boone, Oley Valley, Pennsylvania, frontiersman /explorer (US Hall of Fame-1915)
  • 1755 Marie-Antoinette, Queen of France (Austrian-French wife of Louis XVI of France)
  • 1795 James Knox Polk, Pineville, North Carolina, 11th President of the United States (D) (1845-1849)
  • 1799 John Light Atlee, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, physician and surgeon (one of organizers of the American Medical Association)
  • 1865 Warren Gamaliel Harding, Blooming Grove, Ohio, 29th President of the United States (R) (1921-23)
  • 1885 Harlow Shapley, Nashville, Missouri, astronomer (studied the galaxies, helped found National Science Foundation)
  • 1913 Burt Lancaster, Manhattan, New York, actor (From Here to Eternity, Elmer Gantry, Birdman of Alcatraz, Atlantic City, Field of Dreams)
  • 1929 Richard E. Taylor, Alberta, Canada, physicist (Nobel /deep inelastic scattering of electrons on protons and bound neutrons, which have been of essential importance for the development of the quark model in particle physics)
  • 1938 Pat Buchanan, Washington, D.C., journalist and politician (co-founded The American Conservative magazine, The McLaughlin Group, Fox News)
  • 1942 Stefanie Powers, Hollywood, California, actress (McLintock!, The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., Herbie Rides Again, Hart to Hart)
  • 1944 Jeffrey A Hoffman, Brooklyn, New York, PhD/astronaut (STS-51-D, STS-35, STS-46, STS-61, STS-75)
  • 1949 Lois McMaster Bujold, Columbus, Ohio, author (Series: Vorkosigan Saga, Chalion, Sharing Knife)
  • 1954 Pat Croce, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, businessman and author (I Feel Great and You Will Too!, Victory Journal, Blackbeard, Pirates of St. Augustine, The Pirate Handbook)
  • 1956 Dale Brown, Buffalo, New York, author and pilot (Series: Patrick McLanahan, Act of War, Independent, Dreamland)
  • 1961 k.d. lang, Canadian singer-songwriter, producer, and actress
  • 1966 David Schwimmer, Astoria, Queens, New York, actor (Friends, Band of Brothers, Madagascar, American Crime Story, Feed the Beast)
  • 1973 Marisol Nichols, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Resurrection Blvd., Blind Justice, Big Momma’s House 2, In Justice, 24, The Gates, Riverdale)

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He that returns good for evil obtains the victory. – Thomas Fuller
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1783 In Rocky Hill, New Jersey, US General George Washington gives his “Farewell Address to the Army”.
  • 1889 North Dakota becomes 39th & South Dakota becomes the 40th state.
  • 1895 The first gasoline-powered race in the United States. First prize: $2,000
  • 1920 In the United States, KDKA of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania starts broadcasting as the first commercial radio station. The first broadcast is the result of the U.S. presidential election.
  • 1947 In California, designer Howard Hughes performs the maiden (and only) flight of the Spruce Goose; the largest fixed-wing aircraft ever built.
  • 1948 Truman beats Dewey, confounding pollsters & newspapers.
  • 1957 The Levelland UFO Case in Levelland, Texas, generates national publicity, and remains one of the most impressive UFO cases in American history.
  • 1959 “Twenty-One” game show contestant Charles Van Doren admits to a Congressional committee that he had been given questions and answers in advance.
  • 1960 Penguin Books is found not guilty of obscenity in the Lady Chatterley’s Lover case
  • 1964 King Saud of Saudi Arabia is deposed by a family coup, and replaced by his half-brother King Faisal.
  • 1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act enters force, allowing 123,000 Cubans the opportunity to apply for permanent residence in the United States.
  • 1983 U.S. President Ronald Reagan signs a bill creating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
  • 1988 The Morris worm, the first internet-distributed computer worm to gain significant mainstream media attention, is launched from MIT.
  • 2000 The first crew arrived at the International Space Station

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A young soldier was up before his commanding officer for a reprimand.

After going through a list of his misdemeanors the CO says, “And another thing, I didn’t see you in camouflage practice this morning.”

“Thank you, Sir,” the soldier replied.

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If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you are always cheerful,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you are understanding when your loved ones are too busy for you,
If you never treat a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you face the world without lies and deceit,
then you are probably the family dog!
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ONE-LINERS:How To Cook A Turkey
1. Go buy a turkey
2. Take a drink of whisky
3. Put turkey in the oven
4. Take another 2 drinks of whisky
5. Set the degree at 375 ovens
6. Take 3 more whiskys of drink
7. Turk the bastey
8. Whisky another bottle of get
9. Ponder the meat thermometer
10.Glass yourself a pour of whisky
11.Bake the whisky for 4 hours
12.Take the oven out of the turkey
13.Floor the turkey up off of the pick
14.Turk the carvey
15.Get yourself another scottle of botch
16.Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
17.Bless the dinner and pass out
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Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.’

Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already’

Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’

The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead horse!’

Chuck said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’

Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998..’

The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

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pic of the day: Geese

Geese by pond
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Did You Hear About The. . . .

Brake company on the skids?

Bra manufacturer that went bust?

Surgeon who was forced to take a cut in his salary?

Cigarette company that went up in smoke?

Baker who was short of dough?

Refrigerator manufacturer that had it’s assets frozen?

Corset firm that felt the squeeze?

Upholsterers that couldn’t cover their costs?

Adhesive tape company that got into a sticky situation?

Tennis ball manufacturer that ended up in court?

Downfall of the bungee suppliers?

The train company that went off the rails?

The ship building company that sunk?

The dental practice that was rotten to its roots?

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So these two men arrive in heaven at the same time. Saint Peter asks them to step forward and give their name and occupation. The first man steps up and says, “I’m Jim Walzcek, Taxi Driver.

Saint Peter reviews his list, “Ah, yes”. Hands him a silk robe, hands him a gold staff and welcomes him to heaven.

The next man steps forward and says,” I’m Gene Nelson and I was a Lutheran minister for 43 years”.

Saint Peter reviews his list, ‘Ah, yes”. Hands him a cotton robe, passes him a wooden staff and welcomes him to heaven.

The minister, looking a bit taken aback, says, “I don’t mean to seem ungrateful but the man in front of me received silk and gold”.

Saint Peter replied, “We judge by results. While you preached people slept, while he drove people prayed.”

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After the college boy delivered the pizza to Amanpreet’s trailer house, Amanpreet asked, “What is the usual tip?”

“Well,” replied the youth, “This is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.”

“Is that so?” snorted Preet. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”

“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”

“What are you studying?” asked Preet.

The lad smiled and replied, “Applied psychology.”

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A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. I assumed that most French would speak English. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making several expansive gestures. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.

When he had gone, an American tourist, also on the train, leaned forward and asked if I spoke French.

“No,” I admitted.

“Then that explains,” she said, “why you didn’t bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: ~Have portable calculators dropped in size? The first portable calculator placed on sale by Texas Instruments weighed only 2-1/2 pounds and cost a mere $150. (1972)

~What did Beethoven have to do with WWII? The British Broadcasting Company played the opening bars of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony in all its broadcasts to Europe during World War II. The familiar “dah-dah-dah-DAAAAH” opening is the same as Morse code for the letter “v” (dot-dot-dot-dash) the symbol adopted for “victory.

~Where did the Democrats get their donkey? The well-known Democratic donkey was first associated with Democrat Andrew Jackson’s 1828 presidential campaign. His opponents called him a jackass (a donkey), and Jackson decided to use the image of the strong-willed animal on his campaign posters. Later, cartoonist Thomas Nast used the Democratic donkey in newspaper cartoons and made the symbol famous.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Most people hate the taste of beer to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome.” – Winston Churchill

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much oftener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice, and example could never have taught them so well as failure has done. – Samuel Smiles