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Jokes and Trivia for October 9, 2013

“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.” ― Kalu Ndukwe Kalu

TODAY – OCTOBER 9th – WEDNESDAY

282nd day of 2013 with 83 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Curious Events Day

*Emergency Nurses Day 2013

*Moldy Cheese Day

*Submarine-Hoagie-Hero-Grinder Day

*Fire Prevention Day

*Leif Erikson Day

*World Post Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1704 Johann Andreas Segner, Kingdom of Hungary, mathematician, physicist, and physician (known for Segner wheel)
  • 1852 Hermann Emil Fischer, German chemist (Study of sugars & purines)
  • 1873 Charles Walgreen, Knoxville, Illinois, businessman (founded Walgreens)
  • 1879 Max von Laue,  German physicist (known for Diffraction of X-rays)
  • 1900 Joseph Friedman, Cleveland, Ohio, inventor (Drinking Tube)
  • 1915 Belva Plain, NYC, New York, author (Evergreen, Treasures, Daybreak, Secrecy, Her Father’s House)
  • 1935 Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, member of the British Royal Family
  • 1940 John Lennon, Liverpool, England, British musician and songwriter (The Beatles)
  • 1943 Mike Peters, St. Louis, Missouri, cartoonist (Mother Goose and Grimm)
  • 1952 Sharon Osbourne, English television host, author (wife of Ozzy Osbourne)
  • 1954 John O’Hurley, Kittery, Maine, actor and game show host (Family Feud )
  • 1954 Scott Bakula, St. Louis, Missouri, actor (Sam Beckett on Quantum Leap, Captain Jonathan Archer on Star Trek: Enterprise)
  • 1970 Jason Butler Harner, Elmira, New York, actor (The Good Wife )
  • 1976 William Alexander, American author (Goblin Secrets, Ghoulish Song)
  • 1979 Brandon Routh, Norwalk, Iowa, actor (Superman Returns )
  • 1993 Scotty McCreery, Raleigh, North Carolina,  singer (won the tenth season of American Idol )

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“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” ― Lance Armstrong

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1604 Supernova 1604, the most recent supernova to be observed in the Milky Way.
  • 1635 Founder of Rhode Island Roger Williams is banished from the Massachusetts Bay Colony as a religious dissident after he speaks out against punishments for religious offenses and giving away Native American land.
  • 1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut (later renamed Yale University) is chartered in Old Saybrook, Connecticut.
  • 1776 Father Francisco Palou founds Mission San Francisco de Asis in what is now San Francisco, California.
  • 1861 American Civil War: Battle of Santa Rosa Island – Union troops repel a Confederate attempt to capture Fort Pickens.
  • 1864 American Civil War: Battle of Tom’s Brook – Union cavalrymen in the Shenandoah Valley defeat Confederate forces at Tom’s Brook, Virginia.
  • 1873 A meeting at the U.S. Naval Academy establishes the U.S. Naval Institute.
  • 1874 General Postal Union is created as a result of the Treaty of Berne.
  • 1888 The Washington Monument officially opens to the general public.
  • 1907 Las Cruces, New Mexico is incorporated.
  • 1942 The last day of the October Matanikau action on Guadalcanal as United States Marine Corps forces withdraw back across the Matanikau River after destroying most of the Imperial Japanese Army’s 4th Infantry Regiment.
  • 1945 Parade in NYC for Fleet Admiral Nimitz and 13 USN/USMC Medal of Honor recipients
  • 1969 In Chicago, the United States National Guard is called in for crowd control as demonstrations continue in connection with the trial of the “Chicago Eight” that began on September 24.
  • 1986 The musical The Phantom of the Opera has its first performance at Her Majesty’s Theatre in London.
  • 1989 An official news agency in the Soviet Union reports the landing of a UFO in Voronezh.
  • 2003  Mission: SPACE opens to the public in the Epcot park at Walt Disney World. The opening ceremony included several astronauts from all eras of space exploration.
  • 2006 North Korea allegedly tests its first nuclear device.
  • 2009 First lunar impact of the Centaur and LCROSS spacecrafts as part of NASA’s Lunar Precursor Robotic Program.

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Purely by coincidence, I ran into my husband at the grocery store. He was carrying a beautiful pink azalea.

I joked, “That better be for me.”

From behind, a woman’s voice: “It is now.”

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Catching her in the act, I confronted our 3-year-old daughter, “Are you eating your little sister’s grapes?”

“No,” she innocently replied, “I’m helping her share.”

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“Have you ever tried marriage counseling?”

“Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship. He was a communications major in
college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well and I act like I’m listening.”

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ONE-LINERS: ONE WOMAN’S TOP 11 REASONS FOR GOING ON A WOMEN’S RETREAT
By Laurie Polich Short

1. I will be around people who use as many words a day as I do.

2. I will be amazingly unconcerned if there are any vegetables left on the plates of those around me.

3. I will not find Legos in my bed or trip on the Hulk when I go to the bathroom.

4. I will always be able to find someone to share a dessert. Or two. Or four. But in the end, each of us will only be having half a dessert.

5. I can keep the temperature as low as I want at night (this is especially beneficial for women over 50).

6. I will not have to explain my moods. And if I want to explain them, people will care.

7. When I share in my small group, no one will be checking scores on their iPhones.

8. No one around me will be afraid to ask directions to the dining hall.

9. I will always have company going to the restroom, and will actually have some of my most meaningful conversations there.

10. I will be able to go into any stall, and all of the toilet seats will be down.

AND finally…
11. Spending time away from the men in my life will help me appreciate them more when I come home. (Even if they turn on the football game when I am halfway through telling them about it.)

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Golden Oldie. . . At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, so she said, “Johnny, what’s the matter?”

Little Johnny responded, “I have bad pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

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pic of the day:Shetland Sheep

shetland-sheep

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

When Jesus commanded the demons to come out of the man called Legion, the demons begged Jesus to cast them into the swine heard nearby. Jesus did, and the pigs ran over the cliff.

That is the first mention of deviled ham in the Bible.

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A snail goes to a Cadillac dealership and buys a new car. But when he buys it he has specific instructions for the dealer: “I want you to give it a paint job,” says the snail.

“Sure, what color?” asks the dealer.

“I want you to paint a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk,” instructs the snail.

“Sure thing,” says the dealer, “but can I ask why?”

The snail looks at him and explains: “So when I go driving up and down the strip all the people watching me say “Look at that S Car Go.”
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“I heard you passed your boards and you’re a doctor! Congratulations!”

“Thank you.”

“Now if I break my arm, you’ll be able to fix it.”

“Actually, I’ve been able to fix your arm for some time. The important thing is that now I can bill you for it.”

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You know you’re having a bad day . . .

Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

You call your answering service and they tell you it’s none of your business.

Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/ex-husband.

Your income tax refund check bounces.

You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

You compliment the boss’ wife on her unusual perfume and she isn’t wearing any.

You need one bathroom scale for each foot.

You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch.

The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes… and no one has touched it.

Nothing you own is actually paid for.

You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk, bell hop, and manager have a “Welcome Back” party for your new spouse.

You receive a 150-page instruction booklet on how to save money… from the electric company.

Airline food starts to taste good.

Your mother approves of the person you are dating.

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I was attending an outdoor music concert with a young woman I’d recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other, swaying to the music.

After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, “I wish we were closer.”

Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, “Do you mean our houses or our friendship?”

Puzzled, she replied, “To the stage.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
“It is good to love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done.” ― Vincent van Gogh