Tag Archives: sunset picture

Humor for March 8, 2017

Valor is a gift. Those having it never know for sure if they have it till the test comes. And those having it in one test never know for sure if they will have it when the next test comes. ~Carl Sandburg

TODAY – MARCH 8th – WEDNESDAY

67th day of 2017 with 298 days to follow. Moon is waxing with 8@% visible.

Holidays for Today:
~ Be Nasty Day
~ International Women’s Day
~ International Women’s Collaboration Brew Day
~ National Peanut Cluster Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1804 Alvan Clark, Ashfield, Massachusetts, telescope maker and astronomer (US Naval Observatory, Yerkes Observatory)
  • 1841 Oliver Wendell Holmes, Boston, Massachusetts, 59th Supreme Court justice (1902-32)
  • 1859 Kenneth Grahame, British author (The Wind in the Willows, The Reluctant Dragon)
  • 1865 Frederick William Goudy, Bloomington, Illinois, printer/type designer
  • 1886 Edward Calvin Kendall, So. Norwalk, Connecticut, chemist (Nobel/worked at Mayo Clinic on structure & biological effects of adrenal cortex hormones/ discovery of the hormone Cortisone)
  • 1902 Tom Blake, Wisconsin, surfer / inventor (hollow-core surfboard)
  • 1918 Alan Hale [MacKahan] Jr, Los Angeles, California, actor (Skipper Jonas Grumby on Gilligan’s Island)
  • 1943 Lynn Redgrave, England, actress (Georgie Girl, Centennial, House Calls, Rude Awakening, Me Eloise)
  • 1945 Micky Dolenz, Los Angeles, California, actor/ musician (The Monkees)
  • 1959 Aidan Quinn, Rockford, Illinois, actor (Legends of the Fall, Michael Collins, Reckless, Nine Lives, Dark Matter, Elementary)
  • 1976 Freddie Prinze Jr., Los Angeles, California, actor (I Know What You Did Last Summer, She’s All That, Scooby-Doo, 24, Star Wars Rebels)
  • 1977 James Van Der Beek, Cheshire, Connecticut, actor (Dawson’s Creek, Eye of the Beast, Stolen, The Storm, Salem Falls, CSI: Cyber)

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Life is easier than you’d think; all that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, and bear the intolerable.  – Kathleen Norris
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1618 Johannes Kepler discovers the third law of planetary motion.
  • 1817 The New York Stock Exchange is founded.
  • 1838 US mint in New Orleans begins operation (producing dimes).
  • 1911 International Women’s Day started in Copenhagen, Denmark, by Clara Zetkin, leader of the Women’s Office or the Social Democratic Party in Germany.
  • 1917 The United States Senate votes to limit filibusters by adopting the cloture rule.
  • 1936 Daytona Beach Road Course holds their first oval stock car race.
  • 1968 6 year old Tommy Moore scored hole-in-one in golf (Hagerstown MD).
  • 1978 First radio episode of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams, is transmitted on BBC Radio 4.
  • 1979 Phillips demonstrates the Compact Disc publicly for the first time.
  • 2014 Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, carrying a total of 239 people, disappears en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing.

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Over a round of golf, two doctors were talking shop.

“I operated on Mr. Lee the other day,” said the surgeon.

“What for?” asked his colleague.

“About $17,000.”

“What did he have?”

“Oh… About $17,000.”

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A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.

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ONE-LINERS: You know you’re a cat person when …

… you refer to going to the bathroom as “using the litter box.”

… you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair.

… you consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber.

… you apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.

… you invite your guests to sit down by snapping your fingers and patting the sofa beside you.

… you sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute!

… you absent mindedly put your child’s dinner plate on the floor.

… you spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids.

… you decorate your Christmas tree with dangling cat toys. (NOTE: This is true whether you intend it or not)

… your neighbors refer to you as “the crazy one with all the cats.”

… in your wallet you have more pictures of your cats than your kids.

… you refer to your cat as your “furry child.”

… your parents are resigned to having a four-footed, furry “grandcat.”

… you plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.

… you accidentally call your spouse by your cat’s name (NOTE: Once. Only once.)

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Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town’s fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, “Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out.”

The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Felix replied in astonishment. “People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?”

“Well,” said the chief, “the first thing I ask is, ‘Is it on fire?'”

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pic of the day: Sunset


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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A tour group stopped at the Tower of London, and were given the chance to try out some of the ancient armor. Two men – one from Prague and another from Athens took up the opportunity. One donned a slightly damaged suit of plate armor and the other chain-mail, while the rest of the group crowded around. But in the full suits, the onlookers couldn’t tell one from the other.

“Is that the Czech wearing the plate armor?” asked one tourist.

“No,” replied another, “The Greek has the broken plate, and the Czech is in the mail.”

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Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. “Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?” asked God.

“I could eat,” Mother Teresa replied.

So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn’t contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, “God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don’t understand it…”

God sighed. “Let’s be honest Teresa,” He said, “for just two people, it doesn’t pay to cook.”

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There once was a 94 year old nun back in the 1890s whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her. However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined.

But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “Never sell that cow!”

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LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
~ Papa John’s is testing a new system that lets customers pay $3 to skip the line and get faster pizza delivery. And for $6, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car. – Jimmy Fallon
~ A man in Austria yesterday tried to enter a court with a bag of cockroaches. “Get those horrible creatures out of here!” said the cockroaches about the lawyers. – Seth Meyers
~ During the Oscar’s “In Memoriam” segment they accidentally showed the picture of a woman who is still alive, an Australian producer named Jan Chapman. Which in a way is a much bigger story than “La La Land.” Sure, it’s bad to think you have won Best Picture when you didn’t. But how about being told you’re dead when you’re not? – James Corden
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“I don’t want a new baby.” Our oldest son Brian was pretty adamant when I told him his father and I were expecting a third child. We’d survived the first round of sibling rivalry when his younger brother, Damian, was born, so we were surprised that he was digging in his heels over a new baby.

We spent about and hour trying to convince him it was a positive thing. Three-year-old Brian made his stand about this new baby, and neither logic nor persuasion could budge him.

Puzzled, I finally confronted him with a straight-forward question, “Why don’t you want a new baby?”

With wide and teary eyes, Brian looked straight at me and said, “Because I like Damian, and I want to keep him.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is the cloture rule? Cloture or, informally, a guillotine, is a motion or process in parliamentary procedure aimed at bringing debate to a quick end. The cloture procedure originated in the French National Assembly, from which the name is taken. Clôture is French for “ending” or “conclusion”. It was introduced into the Parliament of the United Kingdom by William Ewart Gladstone to overcome the obstructionism of the Irish Parliamentary Party and was made permanent in 1887. It was subsequently adopted by the United States Senate and other legislatures. The name cloture remains in the United States; in Commonwealth countries it is usually closure or, informally, guillotine; in the United Kingdom closure and guillotine are distinct motions.

~ Which U.S. president was a big cat lover? President Calvin Coolidge, thirtieth U.S. president, liked cats and would often walk around the office with his yellow cat draped over his shoulders like a fur piece.

~ What is the flag of the U.K. known as? The flag of the U.K. is properly known as the Union Flag. It is only called the Union Jack when it is flown from the jack mast of a ship.

~Who was our youngest president? The youngest person to take the position of U.S. President was Theodore Roosevelt. He was 42 at his inauguration. Next youngest was John F. Kennedy, who was 43.

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QUIP OF THE DAY:Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. – Timothy Leary

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If all difficulties were known at the onset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all. – Dan Rather