Jokes and Trivia for January 7, 2013

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it. ― Andy Rooney

TODAY – JANUARY 7th – MONDAY

2nd day of 2013 with 358 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Tempura Day

*Old Rock Day

*National Blood Donor Month

*National Hobby Month

*Hot Tea Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1800 Millard Fillmore, Summerhill, New York, 13th President of the United States (consistently included in the bottom 10 of historical rankings of Presidents of the United States)
  • 1827 Sir Sandford Fleming, Scottish-born Canadian engineer & inventor (designed Canada’s first postage stamp, inventor or universal standard time)
  • 1834 Johann Philipp Reis, Gelnhausen, Germany,  physicist and inventor (constructed the first make-and-break telephone, today called the Reis telephone)
  • 1911 Butterfly McQueen, Tampa, Florida, actress (Scarlett O’Hara’s maid in Gone with Wind, Duel in the Sun, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Mosquito Coast, Polly)
  • 1912 Charles Addams, Westfield, New Jersey, cartoonist (creator of The Addams Family)
  • 1941 Frederick D. Gregory, Washington, D.C., NASA astronaut (STS-51-B, STS-33, STS-44)
  • 1941 John E. Walker, Halifax, West Yorkshire, England, chemist (Nobel / elucidation of the enzymatic mechanism underlying the synthesis of adenosine triphosphate)
  • 1948 Kenny Loggins, Everett, Washington, singer (Loggins and Messina)
  • 1949 Steven Williams, Memphis, Tennessee,  actor (21 Jump Street)
  • 1950 Erin Gray, Honolulu, Hawaii, actress (Wilma Deering in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Kate Summers in Silver Spoons)
  • 1956 David Caruso, Queens, New York, actor (Det. John Kelly in NYPD Blue, Lt. Horation Caine on CSI: Miami)
  • 1957 Katie Couric, Arlington, Virginia, television host (ABC World News, Nightline, Good Morning America, Katie)
  • 1958 Linda Kozlowski, Fairfield, Connecticut, actress (Crocodile Dundee, Pass the Ammo)
  • 1960 David Marciano, Newark, New Jersey, actor (Due South, The Shield, Homeland)
  • 1964 Nicolas Cage, Long Beach, California, actor (Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, National Treasure, Lord of War, Ghost Rider, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice)
  • 1977 Dustin Diamond, San Jose, California,  actor (Saved by the Bell: The New Class )
  • 1978 Emilio Palma, Argentine national, first person born on the Antarctic continent (Esperanza Base)
  • 1981 Jinxx, Webster City, Iowa,  guitarist (Black Veil Brides, The Dreaming, and Amen)
  • 1988 Haley Bennett, Fort Myers, Florida,  singer and actress (Kaboom)
  • 1990 Liam Aiken, New York City, New York, actor (Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events )

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Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. – Robert Brault

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1610 Galileo Galilei makes his first observation of the four Galilean moons: Ganymede, Callisto, Io and Europa, although he is not able distinguish the last two until the following day.
  • 1782 The first American commercial bank, the Bank of North America, opens.
  • 1894 William Kennedy Dickson receives a patent for motion picture film.
  • 1904 The distress signal “CQD” is established only to be replaced two years later by “SOS”.
  • 1920 The New York State Assembly refuses to seat five duly elected Socialist assemblymen.
  • 1927  The first transatlantic telephone service is established – from New York, New York to London, England, United Kingdom.
  • 1948 Kentucky Air National Guard pilot Thomas Mantell crashes while in pursuit of a supposed UFO.
  • 1954 Georgetown-IBM experiment: the first public demonstration of a machine translation system, is held in New York at the head office of IBM.
  • 1959 The United States recognizes the new Cuban government of Fidel Castro.
  • 1973 Mark Essex fatally shoots 10 people and wounds 13 others at Howard Johnson’s Hotel in New Orleans, Louisiana, before being shot to death by police officers.
  • 1980 President Jimmy Carter authorizes legislation giving $1.5 billion in loans to bail out the Chrysler Corporation.
  • 1989 Prince Akihito is sworn in as the emperor of Japan after the death of his father Hirohito.
  • 1990 The interior of the Leaning Tower of Pisa is closed to the public because of safety concerns.
  • 1991 Roger Lafontant, former leader of the Tonton Macoutes in Haiti under François Duvalier, attempts a coup d’état, which ends in his arrest.
  • 1993 The Fourth Republic of Ghana is inaugurated with Jerry Rawlings as President.
  • 1993 Bosnian War: The Bosnian Army executes a surprise attack on the village of Kravica in Srebrenica.
  • 1999 The Senate trial in the impeachment of U.S. President Bill Clinton begins.
  • 2010 Muslim gunmen in Egypt open fire on a crowd of Coptic Christians leaving church after celebrating a midnight Christmas mass, killing eight of them as well as one Muslim bystander.

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Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the “silent treatment.” But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the ‘war’), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00am.”

The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, “It’s 5:00 am. Wake up.”

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

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First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I’d locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service couldn’t get a locksmith to me for at least two hours. Finally the guy showed, looking tired and annoyed.

As he struggled with my door, I joked, “Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size?”

“Yeah,” he muttered. “They’re called keys.”

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ONE-LINERS: Quotes from people in accidents

If we are unlucky enough to be involved in a car accident, of course it is never our fault.  The following quotes show what people write on their insurance claim forms.  Apparently these are strange but true stories.

1. I collided with a stationary tree.

2. There was no damage done to the car, as the gatepost will testify.

3. Ice on the road applied brakes causing skid.

4. One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator pedal, leapt across the road to the other side and jumped into the trunk of a tree.

5. The water in my radiator accidentally froze at 12 midnight.

6. I was taking a friend home and keeping two yards from each lamp post which were in a straight line. Unfortunately, there was a bend in the road bringing the right-hand lamp post in line with the other and of course I landed in a ditch.

7.Question: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
      Answer: Travelled by bus?

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pic of the day: Tree with Spanish Moss

image of tree with moss

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

ANNOUNCING THESE NEW BOOK RELEASES:

~ “Come on In!” by Doris Open

~ “The German Bank Robbery” by Hans Zupp

~ “I Hate the Sun” by Gladys Knight

~ “Prison Security” by Barb Dweyer

~ “Irish First Aid” by R.U. O’Kaye

~ “My Career As a Clown” by Abe Ozo

~ “Here’s Pus in Your Eye” by Lance Boyle

~ “I Didn’t Do It!” by Ivan Alibi

~ “Why I Eat at McDonalds” by Tommy Ayk

~ “I Hit the Wall” by Isadore There

~ “The Bruce Lee Story” by Marsha Larts

~ “Take This Job and Shove It” by Ike Witt

~ “Rapunzel Rapunzel” by Harris Long

~ “Split Personalities” by Jacqueline Hyde

~ “How I Won the Marathon” by Randy Holeway

~ “Songs from “South Pacific”” by Sam and Janet Evening

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An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it’s a pretty good working solution.

“No no,” says the physicist, “there’s a better way.” He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.

Then the mathematician speaks up: “No, no, there’s an even better way.” To the others’ amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:

“I define myself to be on the outside.”

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(Alleged) announcement from an American Airlines pilot: “On our flight today, we will be flying at 34,000 feet. To give you an idea of how high that is, we would be able to fly over 50 Empire State Buildings, stacked one on top of the other. Our speed will be about 500 miles per hour. That is just over the muzzle velocity of the standard military .45 pistol. We will be pushed along by two Pratt & Whitney JT-8D-200 turbofan engines.

While thrust to horsepower varies with altitude, the total 40,000 pounds of thrust is greater than the combined power of ten D-9 diesel locomotives.

“In other words, we’re faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. And, as always, your Dallas-based crew stands for truth, justice, and the American way.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Here’s cup of tea information.

~ All true tea (white, green, black, and oolong) comes from the same plant, the Camellia Sinesis.

~Herbal tea is not really tea, but a tea-like drink made from flowers, fruits and herbs.

~There is only one working tea plantation in the USA and it is located on Wadmalaw Island just outside Charleston, South Carolina.

~Americans prefer black tea over green and oolong and drink over 50 billion cups of tea each year (mostly iced tea-80%).

~Scented teas were originally invented to cover up the poor quality of some low-grade teas.

~ What tea that is still very popular today is named after a British Royal? It’s Earl Grey.

~In what country was iced tea first introduced? The United States in 1904.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.  – Cavett Robert

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.Henry David Thoreau