Jokes and Trivia for October 1, 2012

Some people make headlines while others make history. – Philip Elmer-DeWitt

TODAY – OCTOBER 1st – MONDAY

275th day of 2012 with 91 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*World Vegetarian Day

*Pudding Season Begins

*Homemade Cookies Day

*Adopt a Shelter Dog Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1842 Charles Cros, French poet and inventor (developed various improved methods of photography including an early color photo process; also invented improvements in telegraph technology)
  • 1881 William Edward Boeing, Detroit, Michigan, aviation pioneer (founded Boeing Company)
  • 1910 José Enrique Moyal, Australian mathematical physicist (contributed to aeronautical engineering, electrical engineering and statistics and helped to establish the phase space formulation of quantum mechanics in 1949)
  • 1920 Walther Matthau, NYC, New York, actor (The Odd Couple, Bad News Bears, The Fortune Cookie)
  • 1924 Jimmy Carter, Plains, Georgia, 39th President of the United States
  • 1927 Tom Bosley, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Happy Days, Father Dowling Mysteries, Murder She Wrote)
  • 1928 George Peppard, Jr., Detroit, Michigan, actor (Breakfast at Tiffany’s, The Carpetbaggers, Banacek, Hannibal on The A-Team)
  • 1930 Richard Harris, Irish actor, singer, director, author (Camelot, A Man Called Horse, Gladiator, Dumbledore in 1st two Harry Potter films)
  • 1946 Tim O’Brien, Austin, Minnesota, author (Going After Cacciato, The Things They Carried)
  • 1947 Stephen Collins, Des Moines, Iowa, actor (7th Heaven )
  • 1950 Randy Quaid, Houston, Texas, actor (The Last Detail, LBJ: The Early Years, Independence Day)
  • 1963 Mark McGwire, Pomona, California, former pro baseball player (Oakland Athletics & St. Louis Cardinals)
  • 1964 Christopher Titus, Castro Valley, California,  actor and comedian
  • 1968 Jay Underwood, Minneapolis, Minnesota,  actor (The Boy Who Could Fly )
  • 1974 Christian Borle, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, actor (Peter and the Starcatcher )
  • 1974 Keith Duffy, Donaghmede, Dublin, Irish singer (Boyzone) and actor
  • 1974 Sherri Saum, Dayton, Ohio, actress  (CSI: NY)
  • 1978 Nicole Atkins, Neptune, New Jersey,  singer-songwriter

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Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. – Abraham Lincoln

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1811 The first steamboat to sail the Mississippi River arrives in New Orléans, Louisiana.
  • 1814 Opening of the Congress of Vienna, intended to redraw Europe’s political map after the defeat of Napoléon the previous spring.
  • 1847 Siemens AG & Halske founded by German inventor and industrialist Werner von Siemens.
  • 1854 Waltham Watch Company, a pioneer in the American system of watch manufacturing, relocates to Waltham, Massachusetts.
  • 1880 John Philip Sousa becomes leader of the United States Marine Band.
  • 1880 Thomas Edison opened the first electric lamp factory.
  • 1890 The U.S. Congress established Yosemite National Park.
  • 1891 Stanford University opens in California.
  • 1903 In the first game of the modern World Series, the Boston Americans play the Pittsburgh Pirates.
  • 1908 The Model T car by Ford is placed on the market at a price of $825.
  • 1910 A large bomb destroys the Los Angeles Times building in downtown Los Angeles, California, killing 21.
  • 1931 The George Washington Bridge linking New Jersey and New York opens.
  • 1936 Francisco Franco is named head of the Nationalist government of Spain.
  • 1940 The first superhighway in the U.S., the Pennsylvania Turnpike, opened to traffic.
  • 1957 In God We Trust on first appeared on U.S. paper currency.
  • 1962 The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson is frist broadcast.
  • 1964 The Free Speech Movement is launched on the campus of University of California, Berkeley.
  • 1969 The sound barrier is broken for the first time by the Concorde.
  • 1971 Walt Disney World opens near Orlando, Florida, United States.
  • 1979 The United States returns sovereignty of the Panama canal to Panama.
  • 1982 EPCOT Center opens at Walt Disney World near Orlando, Florida, United States.

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One Thursday an inebriated man got on Dave’s double-decker bus and sat in the bottom deck close to Dave.  Now, Dave is not meant to allow drunks onto his bus but he had a good heart and let the man stay on.

The man started rambling on and on, so Dave suggested he should sit upstairs. “The air is cleaner up there and you’ll get a much better view.” The man agreed, but returned a few minutes later. “What’s wrong?” Dave asked. “Don’t you like it better up there?”

“It’s fine,” the drunk said. “But it’s too dangerous: There’s no driver”.

At the next stop two more drunks got onto a bus. The first, name of Bill, asks “Will this bus take me to 25th Street?”
The bus driver says, “No, it won’t.”

After a pause, the second man, name of Gerry, inquires, “What about me?”

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Dave, our bus driver friend, tells the story of when he was driving a bus load pensioners to Brighton, on a day trip, when he was tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offered him a handful of peanuts, which he happily took and ate. After about 20 minutes, she tapped him on his shoulder again and she handed him another handful of peanuts. The old dear repeated this generous gesture several more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he decided to ask the little old lady, “Why don’t you and your friends eat the peanuts yourself?”.

“We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth”, she answered.
Dave was puzzled and enquired, “Then why on earth do you buy them?”

“Oh, we just love the chocolate around them,” replied the old lady.

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ONE-LINERS: Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.

2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.

3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.

4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.

5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.

6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida’s Mascot.

7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.

8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you’re suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.

9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.

10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

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pic of the day: English Sparrow Resting on Birdfeeder

English Sparrow resting on Bird Feeder

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again.

They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them and ordering another load untill suddenly the giraffe falls off his stool and lies unconscious on the floor. The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door.

The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door ‘You can’t leave that lyin’ ‘ere!’

The man replies, ‘Its not a lion its a giraffe!

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A little boy is telling his Grandma how “everything” is going wrong: School, family problems, health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake.

She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which of course he does.

“Here, have some cooking oil.”

“Yuck” says the boy.

“How about a couple raw eggs? ”

“Gross, Grandma!”

“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?”

“Grandma, those are all yucky!”

To which Grandma replies: “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!”

She continued, “God works the same way in our lives.”

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A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin.

“Is it true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?”

The cousin smirked and replied, “Depends on how fast ya carry the flashlight.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: About VEGETARIAN!

~Famous Vegetarians are Buddha, Socrates, Plato, Leonardo da Vinci, Percy Shelley, Albert Schweitzer, Leo Tolstoy, Mohandas Gandhi, George Bernard Shaw, John Harvey Kellog, Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, Ravi Shankar, Franz Kafka, and Oliver Goldsmith. Are you familiar with them?

~And when it comes to astronauts? There have been several vegetarian astronauts. Timothy J. (TJ) Creamer (Lieutenant Colonel, USA) NASA Astronaut (Mission Specialist Candidate).  Kalpana Chawla was both a strict vegetarian and an astronaut.  She died when the shuttle Columbia broke up in 2003.

~Male mosquitoes are vegetarians and live on plant nectar and juices.  Only female mosquitoes drink blood – they need the protein to make eggs.

~The majority (66%) of kosher food products are consumed by non-Jews.  Many vegetarians, Muslims, and Hindus, and Seventh Day Adventists (in addition to Jews) also use kosher certification as a way to adhere to religious, cultural and personal dietary restrictions.

~ In the U.S nearly 70% of vegetarians are women. (2006) 

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QUIP OF THE DAY:

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die. – Mel Brooks

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein