Jokes and Trivia for November 1, 2012

Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. – Anthony Robbins

TODAY – NOVEMBER 1st – THURSDAY

306th day of 2012 with 60 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*All Saint’s Day / All Hallows Day

*National Author’s Day

*National Deep Fried Clams Day

*National Vinegar Day

*World Vegan Day

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1815 Crawford Williamson Long, Danielsville, Georgia,  surgeon, pharmacist, pioneer (use of ether)
  • 1871 Stephen Crane, Newark, New Jersey, writer (Red Badge of Courage; Maggie: A Girl of the Streets)
  • 1880 Alfred Wegener, Berlin, German meteorologist and geophysicist (theory of continental drift (Kontinentalverschiebung))
  • 1920 James J Kilpatrick, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, columnist (60 Minutes)
  • 1923 Gordon R. Dickson, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada; sci-fi author (3 Hugo Awards; Childe Cycle, Dragon Knight Series)
  • 1937 Bill Anderson, Columbia, South Carolina, country singer, songwriter (Still, From This Pen)
  • 1949 Michael D. Griffin, Aberdeen, Maryland, physicist, aerospace engineer (former NASA chief administrator)
  • 1950 Robert B. Laughlin, Visalia, California, physicist (fractional  Quantum Hall effect)
  • 1950 Dan Peek, Panama City, Florida, guitarist (America)
  • 1951 Belita Moreno, Dallas, Texas, actress (George Lopez)
  • 1951 Ronald Bell, Youngstown, Ohio, singer and saxophonist (Kool & the Gang)
  • 1957 Lyle Lovett, Klein, Texas, country singer / actor (Cowboy Man, Desert Rose Band, Give Back My Heart)
  • 1961 Calvin Johnson, Olympia, Washington, musician (Beat Happening, The Halo Benders, Dub Narcotic Sound System)
  • 1962 Anthony Kiedis, Grand Rapids, Michigan, singer (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
  • 1976 Logan Marshall-Green, Charleston, South Carolina, actor (Dark Blue, The O.C., 24,Traveler. )
  • 1986 Penn Badgley, Baltimore, Maryland, actor (John Tucker Must Die, The Stepfather and Easy A)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it.William Osler

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1512 Michelangelo’s paintings on ceiling of Sistine Chapel first exhibited.
  • 1520 Strait of Magellan, passage below South America connecting Pacific and Atlantic, first navigated by Ferdinand Magellan.
  • 1611 Shakespeare’s romantic comedy “The Tempest” first presented.
  • 1765 The British Parliament enacts the Stamp Act on the 13 colonies in order to help pay for British military operations in North America.
  • 1800 John Adams becomes the first President of the United States to live in the Executive Mansion (later renamed the White House).
  • 1848 In Boston, Massachusetts, the first medical school for women, The Boston Female Medical School (which later merged with the Boston University School of Medicine), opens.
  • 1861 American Civil War: US President Abraham Lincoln appoints George B. McClellan as the commander of the Union Army, replacing the aged General Winfield Scott.
  • 1870 In the United States, the Weather Bureau (later renamed the National Weather Service) makes its first official meteorological forecast.
  • 1886 Ananda College, a leading Buddhist school in Sri Lanka is established with 37 students.
  • 1938 Seabiscuit defeats War Admiral in an upset victory during a match race deemed “the match of the century” in horse racing.
  • 1939 The first rabbit born after artificial insemination is exhibited to the world.
  • 1941 American photographer Ansel Adams takes a picture of a moonrise over the town of Hernandez, New Mexico that would become one of the most famous images in the history of photography.
  • 1946 The New York Knicks played against the Toronto Huskies at the Maple Leaf Gardens, in the first Basketball Association of America game. The Knicks would win 68-66.
  • 1951 First atomic explosion witnessed by troops in Desert Rock, Nevada. Participation was not voluntary.
  • 1952 U.S. successfully detonates the first large hydrogen bomb, codenamed “Mike” [“M” for megaton], in the Eniwetok atoll, located in the Marshall Islands in the central Pacific Ocean. The explosion had a yield of 10 megatons.
  • 1955 The bombing of United Airlines Flight 629 occurs near Longmont, Colorado, killing all 39 passengers and five crew members aboard the Douglas DC-6B airliner.
  • 1959 Montreal Canadians legendary goalie Jacques Plante became the first NHL goaltender to wear a hockey mask.
  • 1981 Antigua and Barbuda gain independence from the United Kingdom.
  • 1982 Honda becomes the first Asian automobile company to produce cars in the United States with the opening of their factory in Marysville, Ohio. The Honda Accord is the first car produced there.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A young elephant and young mouse came across each other for the first time:

Mouse: “What are you?”
Elephant: ” I’m an elephant”

Mouse: “Aren’t you big”
Elephant: “Yes. What are you?

Mouse: “I’m a mouse”
Elephant: “Aren’t you small?”

Mouse: “I, I, I’ve not been well.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: Signs You’ve Eaten Too Much

10. Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.

9. Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

8. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth’s axis.

7. Right this minute you’re laughing up pie on the carpet.

6. You decide to take a little nap and wake up in mid-July.

5. World’s fattest man sends you a telegram, warning you to “back off!”

4. CBS tells you to lose weight or else.

3. Getting off your couch requires help from the fire department.

2. Every escalator you step on immediately grinds to a halt.

1. You’re sweatin’ gravy.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

pic of the day: Maremma Sheepdog

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

At the edge of the badlands the trail split three ways. Rex Savage, famous as the fastest gun west of Tucumcari, let his tired pony shuffle through the dust while he grappled with his options:

(1) The West Trail, leading to California and Susan, the only woman he had ever loved, who had promised to be waiting if he ever hung up his ivory­handled 44’s;

(2) Or the East Trail, to his dream of a degree from Yale Law School;

(3) Or perhaps the North Trail, where his old Civil War buddy, President Ulysses S. Grant, had promised to appoint him Indian agent for the entire Dakota Territory.

So Rex pondered which it would be: Sue, sue, or Sioux?

(R. F. Perkins)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn’t especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general go-fer at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee.

He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.

“Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?” he said. The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, “Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me.”

“Good,” Freddie said. “Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf.”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout.

“This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent.

“Okay, Sport,” the guys says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?”

“Roof!” the dog replies.

“Oh, come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof.'”

“No, wait,” the guy says. He asks the dog, “What does sandpaper feel like?”

“Rough!” the dog answers.

The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience.

“No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will amaze you.”

He turns and asks the dog: “Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?”

“Ruth!” goes the dog.

And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.

The dog and man sit on the curb dejected. The dog turns to his owner and says “Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: WEIRDEST facts about vinegar

~Spray vinegar around doors, appliances, and along other areas where ants are known.

~Loves dog? Want to lessen that bad odor from your pet? Remove beast odor from a dog. Rub fur with full strength vinegar; rinse.

~Hating cats? Keep cats away by sprinkling vinegar on areas you don’t want the cat walking, sleeping, or scratching on.

~Freshen vegetables. Soak wilted vegetables in 2 cups of water and a tablespoon of vinegar.

~Don’t want to boil eggs with cracks on it? Add 2 tablespoons water before boiling eggs. Keeps them from cracking.

~Always on the beach? Relieve sunburn by rubbing lightly the white vinegar on; you may have to reapply.

~Fight dandruff. After shampooing, rinse with vinegar and 2 cups of warm water.

~Eliminate onion odor. Rub on your fingers before and after slicing.

~Get smoke smell out of clothes. Add a cup of vinegar to a bath tub of hot water. Hang clothes above the steam.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

QUIP OF THE DAY: Normal Day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. – Mary Jean Iron

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.  – Albert Camus