Jokes and Trivia for February 21, 2012

Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. – Erma Bombeck

TODAY – FEBRUARY 21st – TUESDAY

52nd day of 2012 with 314 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Mardi Gras / Shrove Tuesday - also known as Fastnacht (German for “eve of fast”) and Mardi Gras (French for “Fat Tuesday”), is the last day before Lent begins in the Christian calendar.

In the Cajun country of Louisiana, a rich chicken gumbo served over rice is the traditional Mardi Gras feast. For the Pennsylvania Dutch, Shrove Tuesday means Fastnacht kuche, a special, deep-fried doughnut baked and eaten only on this day. A similar deep-fried cake called Oliebollen is eaten in Holland, and jelly-filled buns called Paczki are made in Poland. Maybe the best-known Shrove Tuesday food is pancakes, traditionally fried to use up all of the cooking fats (forbidden during Lent).

*Card Reading Day

*National Sticky Bun Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

1821 Charles Scribner, New York City, New York, publisher (founder Charles Scribner’s Sons)
1893 Andrés Segovia, Linares, Spain, classical guitarist
1895 Carl Peter Henrik Dam, Copenhagen, Danish biochemist, Nobel for joint work with Edward Doisy in discovering vitamin K and its role in human physiology
1927 Erma Bombeck, Dayton, Ohio, humorist (The Grass is Always Greener...)
1934 Rue McClanahan, Healdton, Oklahoma, actress (Maude, Golden Girls)
1937 Gary Lockwood, Van Nuys, California, actor (2001: A Space Odyssey)
1946 Tyne Daly, Madison, Wisconsin, actress (Judging Amy, Cagney & Lacey, Angel Unchained)
1951 Vince Welnick, Phoenix, Arizona, musician (The Grateful Dead)
1955 Kelsey Grammer, Saint Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, actor (Cheers, Frasier, X-Men: Then Last Stand )
1958 Mary Chapin Carpenter, Princeton, New Jersey, singer (first album: Hometown Girl)
1958 Jack Coleman, Easton, Pennsylvania, actor (Dynasty, Heroes )
1958 Jake Steinfeld, Brooklyn, New York, exercise expert/voice actor (Body by Jake/Ratatouille)
1961 Christopher Atkins, Rye, New York, actor (The Blue Lagoon, Dallas, Dark Realm, Quigley, True Legends of the West)
1961 Martha Hackett, Boston, Massachusetts, actress (Seska on Star Trek: Voyager)
1963 William Baldwin, Massapequa, NY, actor (Backdraft, Flatliners. Fair Game, Virus, Parenthood, The Craigslist Killer)
Mark Edward Kelly, Orange, New Jersey, astronaut – space shuttle pilot (STS-108, STS-121, STS-124)
Scott Joseph Kelly, Orange, New Jersey, astronaut – space shuttle pilot, Commander of ISS (International Space Station), also STS-103, STS-118, Expedition 25/26 (Soyuz TMA-01M)
1979 Jennifer Love Hewitt, Waco, Texas, actress (Kids Incorporated, Party of Five, I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Audrey Hepburn Story)
1989 Corbin Bleu, Brooklyn, New York City, New York, actor and singer (High School Musical )
1989 Kristin Herrera, Los Angeles, California, actress ( Zoey 101)
1989 Scout Taylor-Compton, Long Beach, California, actress (The Runaways, Love Ranch )

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Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. – Abe Lincoln

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

1804 The first self-propelling steam locomotive makes its outing at the Pen-y-Darren Ironworks in Wales.
1842 John Greenough is granted the first U.S. patent for the sewing machine.
1874 The Oakland Daily Tribune publishes its first newspaper.
1878 The first telephone book is issued in New Haven, Connecticut.
1885 The newly completed Washington Monument is dedicated.
1925 The New Yorker publishes its first issue.
1937 Initial flight of the first successful flying car, Waldo Waterman’s Arrowbile.
1947 In New York City, Edwin Land demonstrates the first “instant camera”, the Polaroid Land Camera, to a meeting of the Optical Society of America.
1948 NASCAR is incorporated.
1953 Francis Crick and James D. Watson discover the structure of the DNA molecule.
1958 The Peace symbol is designed and completed by Gerald Holtom, commissioned by Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament, in protest against the Atomic Weapons Research Establishment.
1972 The Soviet unmanned spaceship Luna 20 lands on the Moon.
1975 Watergate scandal: Former United States Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former White House aides H. R. Haldeman and John Ehrlichman are sentenced to prison.
1995 Steve Fossett lands in Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada becoming the first person to make a solo flight across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon.

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He was excited and nervous about the birth of his first child. When the anticipated day arrived, the father-to-be drove his wife quickly to the hospital, speeding past the admitting entrance.

“Honey, that’s where we’re supposed to go,”

“No, dear, I saw a sign that said DELIVERIES IN THE REAR.”

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ONE-LINERS:

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper anywhere!

“It has long been known” = I didn’t look up the original reference.

“A definite trend is evident” = These data are practically meaningless.

“While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions” = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

“Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study” = The other results didn’t make any sense.

“Typical results are shown” = This is the prettiest graph.

“These results will be in a subsequent report” = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

“In my experience” = once.

“In case after case” = twice.

“In a series of cases” = thrice.

“It is believed that” = I think.

“It is generally believed that” = A couple of others think so, too.

“Correct within an order of magnitude” = Wrong.

“According to statistical analysis” = Rumor has it.

“A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings” = A wild guess.

“A careful analysis of obtainable data” = Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.

“It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs”= I don’t understand it.

“After additional study by my colleagues”= They don’t understand it either.

“Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions” = Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.

“A highly significant area for exploratory study” = A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

“It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field” = I quit.

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pic of the day: Elk at WV State Wildlife Center

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local town. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye: “Just Released – New LP – Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make – available now”

Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.

“I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I’d very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window.”

“Certainly, Sir,” says the young man behind the counter. “If you’d like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I’ll put the LP on for you.”

The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those.”

“I’m very sorry Sir”, says the young assistant. “If you’d care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track.”

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.

Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. “I don’t understand it”, he says, “I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can’t recognise any of those!”

“I’m terribly sorry, Sir” says the young man, “perhaps if you’d like to step into the booth again, you could hear another track.”

Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.

“I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP.”

“I really am terribly sorry”, says the young assistant,

.
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“I’ve just realised I was playing you the bee side.”

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A Year 5 teacher was giving her Primary pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking.
“This is the scene,” said the teacher.
“A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.

His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?”
A little girl raised her hand and asked, “To draw out all his savings?”

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Washer, the tomcat, was heard running up and down the alley for hours. Ian, his neighbour ‘phoned Alan [the cat's owner] and asked what was happening. Alan replied, “Well, I had Washer neutered today, and he’s going around cancelling all his engagements.”

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Michael really hated his wife, Patricia’s cat. So he decided to get rid of it for good. Michael put it in the car and drove 2 miles away and dropped it off. Just as he pulled in the driveway, he noticed the cat sitting in the entrance the porch.

The next day he decided he would take the cat 5 miles away and drop it off. But again, the cat found it’s way home. Each day Michael kept going further and further away, but the cat would always find it’s way home.

Michael was so furious that he decided to take the cat even further away, he turned right, then left, circled around, then right again, another right, backtracked a couple of times, then left again. He then dropped the cat off.

Several hours later, he ‘phoned Patricia, ‘Darling, is the cat there?’.

‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘Why?’

Michael replied bitterly, ‘Put that crazy animal on the ‘phone. I’m lost and need directions.’

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Know as “the forgotten vitamin,” – Vitamin K

~There are three types of vitamin K. Vitamin K1 is found naturally in plants and vitamin K2 is made by the bacteria that line the gastrointestinal tract. Vitamin K3 is manmade and therefore should not be consumed.

~It improves bone density by helping direct calcium into the bone matrix and are shown to benefit in treating leukemia.

~Having a deficiency in vitamin K can interfere with insulin release and blood sugar regulation in ways similar to diabetes. It also has antioxidant properties and is a topical vitamin, which helps reduce bruising.

~There is highest concentration of Vitamin K found in dark green vegetables.

~If you or your family have a history of osteoporosis or heart disease, it is vital to add vitamin K to your diet.

~And take note of this, Pregnant or nursing mothers should avoid vitamin K supplements. Supplements attain a higher dosage of the vitamin, which can induce toxicity in infants.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Look before you leap. – Painter

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. – Niels Bohr