Jokes and Trivia for June 7, 2013

“To insure good health: eat lightly, breathe deeply, live moderately, cultivate cheerfulness, and maintain an interest in life.” – William Londen

TODAY – JUNE 7th – FRIDAY

158th day of 2013 with 207 follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Doughnut Day (always the first Friday in June)

*National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

*Daniel Boone Day (celebrated by Kentucky Historical Society, as frontiersman Daniel Boone first saw the forests and valleys of present-day Kentucky on this day in 1769)

*Turkey Lovers Month

*National Accordion Awareness Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  •  1761 John Rennie, British engineer and architect (designed the London Bridge)
  • 1811 Sir James Young Simpson, Scottish inventor and obstetrician (father of modern anesthetics)
  • 1843 Susan Elizabeth Blow, St. Louis, Missouri, pioneered kindergarten education
  •  1848 Paul Gaugin [Eugene Henri], French post-impressionist painter
  •  1868 Charles Rennie Mackintosh, Scottish architect, designer, and watercolourist (Arts & Crafts Movement, Art Nouveau)
  • 1879 Knut Rasmussen, Greenland-born explorer (Father of “Eskimology”)
  • 1896 Robert Mulliken, Newburyport, Massachusetts, chemist/physicist (Nobel /molecular orbit theory)
  • 1909 Jessica Tandy, London, actress (Birds, Cocoon, Batteries Not Included, Driving Miss Daisy, Fried Green Tomatoes)
  • 1909 Virginia Apgar, Westfield, New Jersey, physician and childbirth specialist (APGAR score for newborns)
  • 1917 Dean Martin, Steubenville OH, singer/comedian (partner for Jerry Lewis)
  • 1917 Gwendolyn Brooks, Topeka KS, US poet (The Bean Eaters)
  • 1928 Bernard F. Burke, American radio astronomer and author (discovered Jupiter emits radio waves)
  • 1940 Tom Jones, Wales, singer (What’s New Pussycat)
  • 1943 Ken Osmond, Glendale, California, actor, police officer LAPD (Eddie Haskell/Leave It To Beaver)
  • 1950 Gary Graham, Long Beach, California, actor (Det. Matt Sikes/Alien Nation; Ambassador Soval/ST Enterprise)
  • 1952 Liam Neeson, Northern Irish actor (Schindler’s List, Qui-Gon Jinn / Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, Batman Begins, Aslan/Chronicles of Narnia, Excaliber, Rob Roy, Clash of the Titans, A-Team, The Grey)
  • 1954 Louise Erdrich, Little Falls, Minnesota, author Native American literature (Plague of Doves)
  • 1955 William Forsythe, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Gotti, Larva, The Rock, Outlaw)
  • 1958 Prince [Rodgers Nelson], Minneapolis, Minnesota, rocker/actor (1999, Purple Rain, Planet Earth)
  • 1969 Kim Rhodes, Portland, Oregon, actress (Another World, As The World Turns, Suite Life of Zach & Cody)
  • 1978 Adrienne Frantz, Mount Clemens, Michigan, actress (The Bold & The Beautiful, The Young & The Restless)
  • 1981 Anna Kournikova, Russian tennis player (celebrity trainer for 2 seasons on The Biggest Loser)
  • 1981 Larisa Oleynik, Santa Clara Co., California, actress (The Secret Life of Alex Mack, The Baby-sitters Club, 10 Things I Hate About You)

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He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. – Chinese proverb

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1892 Benjamin Harrison becomes the first President of the United States to attend a baseball game.
  • 1929 Vatican City becomes a sovereign state.
  • 1938  The Douglas DC-4E makes its first test flight.
  • 1942 World War II: The Battle of Midway ends.
  • 1965 Supreme Court of the US decides on Griswold v. Connecticut, effectively legalizing the use of contraception by married couples.
  • 1965 Gemini IV, with James McDivitt and Ed White, completed US’s first EVA and 62 orbits in 4 days, then splashed down in the ocean.
  • 1969 Bob Dylan & Johnny Cash combine on a Grand Ole Opry TV special.
  • 1975 Sony introduces the Betamax videocassette recorder for sale to the public.
  • 1977 500 million people watch on television as the high day of Jubilee gets underway for Queen Elizabeth II.
  • 1981 Israeli Air Force destroys Iraq’s Osiraq nuclear reactor during Operation Opera a facility the Israelis charged could have been used to make nuclear weapons.
  • 1982 Priscilla Presley opens Graceland to the public; the bathroom where Elvis Presley died five years earlier is kept off-limits.
  • 1991 Mount Pinatubo explodes generating an ash column 7 km (4.5 miles) high.
  • 1995 The long range Boeing 777 enters service with United Airlines.

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A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960’s.

One year, when he ran the footage, he heard squeals and bursts of laughter from his students. When the film ended he asked what had caused the hilarity.

Replied one student, “We recognized some of our mothers!”

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A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school:

“If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

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A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.”

The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.”

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ONE-LINERS: Ways the Bible Would Be Different if Written by College Students….

– Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold.

– The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.

– New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.

– Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.

– Paul’s letter to the Romans becomes Paul’s e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.

– Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.

– The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.

– Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.

– Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

– Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

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pic of the day: Wild Turkey Tom

Wild Turkey Tom

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it’s in the ground state.

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.
Well pull yourself together then .

 Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You’re too tents.

Doctor, Doctor, I can’t get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you’ll soon drop off.

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I’ll deal with you later.

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Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we called the customer support phone number we found in the manual.

I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more.

“Sir,” I said politely, “Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?”

“Okay,” the computer support guy said, “Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?”

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A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”

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A man went to the cinema. As he sat down to watch the film and his eyes got accustomed to the dark, he noticed a dog sitting on the seat beside him. He was somewhat bemused but decided to try and ignore the dog.

As the film progressed he noticed that the dog was reacting appropriately to the scenes. For laughter the dog wagged his tail and barked, for sadness he dropped his ears and whimpered, for violence he growled and bared his teeth. At the end of the film the audience applauded and the dog got up on all paws and barked and wagged his tail.

The man turned to another who appeared to be the dog’s owner and said, “Wow, that was a great film, and what an intelligent dog you have there. Frankly, I’m amazed.”

“So am I,” replied the owner. “He thought the book was terrible.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Wild Turkey Trivia!

~The wild turkey is native to North America and is the heaviest member of the order Galliformes.

~Strangely enough, the Wild Turkey got its name from the country Turkey even though it is native to North America.  That’s because of the trade routes in place during the 16th Century, when the turkey was discovered by Europeans.  Goods on major trade routes Tfrom the Americas and Asia went to Constantinople in Turkey before being sent to Britain. Because of this, the British at the time, associated the Wild Turkey with the country Turkey and the name stuck.

~Adult males are called toms or gobblers. Juvenile males, called jakes, have a very short beard and his tail fan has longer feathers in the middle.

~The long fleshy object over a male’s beak is called a snood. When a male turkey is excited, its head turns blue; when ready to fight, it turns red.

~Turkeys exhibit strong sexual dimorphism. Males are larger and have iridescent feathers in some areas, while the females have duller colored feathers in shades of brown and gray.

~ Female turkeys are called hens.

~Males typically have a “beard”, a tuft of coarse hair (modified feathers) growing from the center of the breast which can be up to 9-inches long. Sometimes females have a beard as well, but it is usually much shorter and thinner than the male’s beard.

~ An adult wild turkey weighs from 11 to 24 pounds, and can be up to 49-inches in length.  The female is smaller and weighs up to 12 pounds and up to 37-inches long.

~ Wingspans of wild turkeys are 4′ to 4’9″.  Although they are heavy birds, wild turkeys can fly quite well, unlike their domestic counterparts.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life. -Albert Camus

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