Jokes and Trivia for May 25, 2012

Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. Hans Christian Andersen

TODAY – MAY 25th – FRIDAY

146th day of 2012 with 220 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

* National Wine Day

* Missing Children’s Day

* Tap Dance Day

* Brown-Bag-It Day

* Geek Pride Day (celebrating premiere of 1st Star Wars movie)

* Towel Day (Douglas Adams fans)

* Glorious 25th of May (Discworld fans)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1803 Ralph Waldo Emerson, Boston, Massachusetts, essayist/philosopher (Concord Hymn)
  • 1860 Daniel Moreau Barringer, Raleigh, North Carolina, mining engineer and geologist (identified Great Marringer Meteor Crater in Arizona as result of meteorite strike, instead of caused by volcanic activity as previously assumed)
  •  1865 John Mott, Postville, Iowa, YMCA leader, recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize (World Student Christian Organization)
  •  1878 Bill “Bojangles” Robinson, Richmond, Virginia, tap dancer
  • 1889 Igor I. Sikorsky, Russian-born U.S. aircraft designer (helicopter)
  •  1926 Claude Akins, Nelson, Georgia, actor (B.J. & the Bear, Misadventures Sheriff Lobo, Return of the Seven)
  •  1927 Robert Ludlum, New York, New York, spy novelist (Bourne Identity)
  •  1929 Beverly Sills [Belle “Bubbles” Miriam Silverman], Brooklyn, New York, soprano
  •  1936 Tom T. Hall, Olive Hill, Kentucky, country singer/writer (Harper Valley PTA)
  •  1938 Raymond Carver, Clatskanie, Oregon, short story writer/poet
  •  1939 Dixie Carter, McLemoresville, Tennessee, actress (Designing Women, Desperate Housewives)
  •  1943 Leslie Uggams, New York, New York, singer/actress (Leslie Uggams Show, Roots)
  • 1944 Frank Oz, English-born puppeteer and director (Yoda in Star Wars; Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Cookie Monster)
  • 1946 David Allen Hargrave, American fantasy and science fiction writer (Arduin series), game designer, Army combat veteran (Vietnam/ combat photographer)
  • 1963 Mike Myers, Canada, comedian (Saturday Night Live, Wayne’s World, Shrek)
  • 1969 Anne Heche, Aurora, Ohio, actress (Another World, The Juror, Volcano, Six Days Seven Nights, Gracie’s Choice)
  • 1993 Dilley sextuplets, Indianapolis, Indiana, sextuplets

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Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth.Martin H. Fischer

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1844 First news communicated by telegraph in the U.S. (80 miles, from Washington, D.C. to Baltimore Patriot in Maryland)
  • 1865 In Mobile, Alabama, 300 are killed when an ordnance depot explodes.
  • 1878 Gilbert and Sullivan’s comic opera H.M.S. Pinafore opens at the Opera Comique in London.
  • 1935 Jesse Owens equals or breaks 6 world records in one hour.
  • 1961 John F. Kennedy sets goal of putting a man on Moon before the end of decade (“I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth. No single space program in this period will be more impressive to mankind, or more important in the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish.” )
  • 1978 George Lucas’ film Star Wars, is released, and becomes an instant hit.
  • 1983 “Return of the Jedi” (Star Wars 3) released.
  • 1983 1st National Missing Children’s Day is proclaimed .
  • 1985 Bangladesh is hit by a tropical cyclone and storm surge, which kills approximately 10,000 people.
  • 1992 Jay Leno becomes permanent host of “The Tonight Show”.
  • 1986 Hands Across America, a benefit event, takes place.
  • 2001 Erik Weihenmayer, 32 and of Boulder, Colorado, becomes the first blind person to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
  • 2001 Sherman Bull, of New Canaan, Connecticut, becomes the oldest person (64 years) to reach the summit of Mount Everest.

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Golden Oldie… An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse, named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!”
Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try.”

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ONE-LINERS: If My Body Were a Car

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that’s not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here’s the worst of it — almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter…..either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

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pic of the day: Sheep and Roosters

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Disaster in the laboratory: Scientists were working on an experiment trying to clone monkeys when one of the monkeys blew up.

The scientist are trying to determine what went wrong by sifting through the Rhesus pieces.

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 Curious Name Places Located in the USA

Paradox, strange as it may seem, is in New York
Crapo, unfortunately for them is in Maryland
Boogertown, is happily in North Carolina
Hellhole, is depressingly to be found in Idaho
Purgatory, is sadly in Maine
Volcano, an explosive place in Hawaii
Needmore, is in the greedy state of Arkansas
Hardup, is in the poor [you must be joking} state of Utah
Rudeville, surprisingly perhaps is in New Jersey
Boring, can be found in Oregon [I wonder if it is?]
Hell, is in Michigan [Some other places too, I suspect]
Hooker, can be found in California [And other places too]
Virgin, is a place in Utah
Dulls Corner, is in Maryland [Do they wear pointy hats there?]
Bowlegs, is amusingly in Oklahoma
Beersville, is a fine town in Pennsylvania
Fleatown, is an itchy place in Ohio
Burnt Corn, can be seen in Alabama
Two Guns, famously in Arizona
Toad Suck, is a found in Arkansas
A Monkey’s Eyebrow, is based in Arizona

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“I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains.
I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

“I feel just like a newborn baby.”

“Really? Like a newborn baby?”

“Yep. No hair. No teeth. I wake up every two hours and cry.
And I think I just wet my pants.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: WINE trivia

~If you want to get a taste of “grapey” wines, try a Manischewitz. This wine is a sweet style of kosher wine from the American Concord grape.

~In 1880, California’s first Commissioner of Agriculture brought cuttings from France to California. He sent his first wine from his vines to the Gran Prix in Paris where it won top honors in 1889.

~If a dry wine is fully fermented, about 40 percent of the sugar will be converted to carbon dioxide while 60 percent will be converted to alcohol.

~A wine’s label will be marked with an O or a U inside of a P if the wine is kosher. This is the sign that the wine has been approved by the world’s largest kosher certification organization.

~The seeds and skin of the grape contain tannins. Tannin is a bitter tasting substance that cause the “dry mouth” feeling associated with some red wines.

~Table wines have an alcohol content between 7 and 14 percent by volume.

~If you’re planning to tastes several wines in a row, begin with the light whites and work your way through the full-bodied whites, followed by light reds and then finish with the heavy reds.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: He who lives by the sword dies by the sword. – Anthony Munday

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

There are no gains without pains – Adlai Stevenson