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April 19th

Possessions dwindle; I mourn their loss. But I mourn the loss of time much more, for anyone can save his purse, but none can win back lost time. – Latin Proverb


TODAY – APRIL 19th

109th day of the year (110th in leap years) with 256 days to  follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Dutch-American Friendship Day
~ National Amaretto Day
~ National Garlic Day
~ National Hanging Out Day
~ National North Dakota Day
~ National Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day
~ National Rice Ball Day
~ Primrose Day (British holiday; the anniversary of the death of British statesman and prime minister Benjamin Disraeli, 1st Earl of Beaconsfield, on 19 April 1881. The primrose was his favorite flower and Queen Victoria would often send him bunches of them from Windsor and Osborne House. She sent a wreath of primroses to his funeral. On this day Beaconsfield’s statue in Parliament Square, London is decorated with primroses, as is his grave in Hughenden, Buckinghamshire.)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1877 Ole Evinrude, Norwegian-American inventor (first outboard motor with practical commercial application)
  • 1903 Eliot Ness, Chicago, Illinois, Prohibition Agent for Department of Treasury, leader of the legendary team of law enforcement agents nicknamed  The Untouchables
  • 1912 Glenn Seaborg, Ishpeming, Michigan, chemist (Nobel / “discoveries in the chemistry of the transuranium elements)
  • 1922 Erich Hartmann, German WWII fighter pilot (highest scoring fighter ace in the history of aerial warfare (352 victories))
  • 1930 Dick Sargent, Carmel, California, actor (Darrin on Bewitched)
  • 1933 Jayne Mansfield, Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, actress (Guide for the Married Man, Girl Can’t Help It, Too Hot to Handle)
  • 1962 Al Unser Jr., Albuquerque, New Mexico, Indy-car racer, two-time Indianapolis 500 winner (over 10 wins)
  • 1968 Ashley Judd, Granada Hills, California, actress (Ruby in Paradise, Kiss the Girls, Double Jeopardy, Where the Heart Is ,High Crimes, The Divergent series)
  • 1978 James Franco, Palo Alto, California, actor (SpiderMan trilogy, Pineapple Express , Milk, Tristan & Isolde, Flyboys, Date Night, Your Highness, Eat Pray Love, Yosemite, Wild Horses)
  • 1979 Kate Hudson, Los Angeles, California, actress (Almost Famous, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days , Raising Helen , The Skeleton Key , You, Me and Dupree , Fool’s Gold, Bride Wars, Rock the Kashbah)
  • 1987 Courtland Mead, Mission Viejo, California, actor (Kirk, Babe, A Bug’s Life, Recess, Lloyd in Space)
  • 1987 Maria Yuryevna Sharapova, Russia, tennis player (22 career titles), named highest paid female athlete in 2008 and 2010

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What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. – Richard Bach
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1775 American Revolution begins – Lexington Common, shot “heard round the world”.
  • 1782 John Adams secures the Dutch Republic’s recognition of the United States as an independent government. The house which he had purchased in The Hague, Netherlands becomes the first American embassy.
  • 1892 Charles Duryea claims to have driven the first automobile in the United States, in Springfield, Massachusetts.
  • 1919 Leslie Irvin of the United States makes the first successful voluntary free-fall parachute jump using a new kind of self-contained parachute.
  • 1955 The German automaker Volkswagen, after six years of selling cars in the United States, founds Volkswagen of America in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey to standardize its dealer and service network.
  • 1956 US actress Grace Kelly marries Monaco’s Prince Rainier III (civil ceremony).
  • 1971 Launch of Salyut 1, the first space station.
  • 1982 Sally Ride announced as first woman astronaut.
  • 1993 The 51-day siege of the Branch Davidian building outside Waco, Texas, USA, ends when a fire breaks out. Eighty-one people die.
  • 1995 Truck bomb outside Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, kills 168 & injures 500.
  • 1997 The Red River Flood overwhelms the city of Grand Forks, North Dakota. Fire breaks out and spreads in downtown Grand Forks, but high water levels hamper efforts to reach the fire, leading to the destruction of 11 buildings.
  • 2011 Fidel Castro resigns as First Secretary of the Communist Party of Cuba after holding the title since July 1961.

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When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he had bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage.

A police spokesperson said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome’s sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
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My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or the internet.
So sadly, this will be my last joke.
… in which I talk about having a wife.
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Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.
Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

“Wow,” the lady said, “I must have worn these when I was 183.”
Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, “How old are you now?”
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ONE-LINERS: Ten Common Full-Time Employee Ailments

~ The Macy’s One Day Sale Flu.
~ The Drivers License Renewal Appointment 24-Hour Virus.
~ The Friday-Afternoon-Start-The-Weekend-Early Sudden Unbearable Stomach Pains.

~ The ‘I’m Looking for a New Job and I Don’t Know How Long It’s Going to Take, but I Want To Stay On The Payroll Until Then’ Mysterious Infection.

~ The ‘My Boyfriend’s Got the Week Off So Suddenly I’m Too Contagious To Come In To The Office’ Disease.
~ The ‘I Need a Hair Cut and My Stylist Doesn’t Make Evening Appointments’ Bout of Influenza.
~ The ‘There’s No Federal Holidays for Two Months and I Want a Day Off’ Sickness.

~ The ‘It’s Spring Break and I Want To Pretend I’m a Teenager Again” General Ailment.
~ The I’ve Messed Up Royally and I Won’t Come In To Face the Music’ Terminal Illness.
~ The ‘I Really Am Sick and I’ve Got The Doctor’s Bills and the Completed Medical Expense Reimbursement Forms to Prove It’ Infirmity.
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My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.
I said, “Don’t be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?”
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A girl says to a salesman, “I’m not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker.”
He says, “Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ Why did the little boy who was part of the wedding party roar as he walked down the isle?
He was the ring bear.

~ What do you call two people in an ambulance?
A pair of medics.

~ Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in their craft it sank — proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

~ What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
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I tried that thing today at the gas station where you try and stop the pump bang on what you want to pay, but let it go a fraction too late and it stopped on $20.03.
“Rats!” I shouted and walked into the shop to pay.

“Unlucky, pal,” smiled the attendant, who’d seen what I’d done. “Don’t worry about the extra.”
“Thanks, pal,” I said as I handed him my ten bucks and split.
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A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn’t start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house.

Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. “Where are they,” asked the driver.

“You mean to say that you don’t know where the courthouse is?” asked the incredulous judge.

“The courthouse? Of course I know where that is.” replied the driver. “But I thought you said you wanted to go to the ‘halls of justice.'”
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Alex had a terrible day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the fishmonger and ordered four rainbow trout. He told the fishmonger, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?”

“Why do you want me to throw them at you?” asked the salesman.
“So that I am able to tell my wife, in all honesty, that I caught them.” said Alex.

“Okay, but I suggest that you take the salmon.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take salmon. That’s what she’d like for supper tonight.” replied the fishmonger with a grin.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How is Bangladesh like Wisconsin? The nation of Bangladesh covers approximately the same land area as the state of Wisconsin. Yet it ranks eighth in population among all the world’s countries.

~ Does going to an elite school automatically make you a preppie? It is worth noting that a school’s eliteness or cost does not necessarily mean that is a preppy college. Preppy culture idealizes athleticism and sociability. The culture also emphasizes deference to tradition and ritual and, generally speaking, disapproval of ostentation. The term “preppie” is associated, not with dramatic designer fashions, but with conservative clothing brands. An example of preppy attire would be a navy blue blazer, button-down Oxford-cloth shirt, cuffed khakis, and cordovan loafers. Typical vacation spots include Newport, RI, Nantucket, Martha’s Vineyard, Cape Cod, Kennebunkport and certain other East Coast beaches, often in summer cottages kept in the family for generations and situated between neighbors one has known for some time.

~ What was the sorcerer’s name in Fantasia? In the scrolling final credits of Disney’s Fantasia, the sorcerer’s name is listed as “Yensid” (right, it’s Disney spelled backwards).

~ What is National Hanging Out holiday about? This day encourages communities to learn about the benefits, both financially and environmentally, of using a clothesline for drying laundry. According to Project Laundry Lists’ website, clothes dryers account for an astonishing six to ten percent of residential energy consumption.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Success is what you attract by the person you become. – Jim Rohn

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