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April 1st

April Fool’s Day – This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. – Mark Twain


TODAY – APRIL 1st

91st day of the year (92nd in leap years) with 274 to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ April Fool’s Day
~ Edible Book Day
~ Fossil Fools Day
~ International Tatting Day
~ International Fun at Work Day
~ National One Cent Day
~ National Sourdough Bread Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1883 Lon Chaney, Sr., Colorado Springs, Colorado, actor (“The Man of a Thousand Faces”: The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Phantom of the Opera)
  • 1898 William James Sidis, Jewish Ukrainian, American mathematician (exceptional mathematical and linguistic abilities)
  • 1919 Joseph Murray, Milford, Massachusetts, surgeon (Nobel / organ and cell transplantation in the treatment of human disease; performed first successful human kidney transplants)
  • 1922 William Manchester, Attleboro, Massachusetts, historian (bestselling author of 18 books that have been translated into over 20 languages)
  • 1926 Anne McCaffrey, Cambridge, Massachusetts, author (series: Restoree, Dragonriders of Pern, Brain & Brawn Ship, Doona, Acorna, Petaybee)
  • 1930 Grace Lee Whitney, Ann Arbor, Michigan, actress (Janice Rand of Star Trek original series & movies)
  • 1932 Debbie Reynolds, El Paso, Texas, actress (Singin’ in the Rain, Tammy and the Bachelor, The Unsinkable Molly Brown, The Singing Nun, Halloweentown)
  • 1939 Ali MacGraw, Pound Ridge, New York, actress (Goodbye Columbus, Love Story, The Getaway)
  • 1942 Samuel R. Delany, NYC, New York, author (Babel-17, The Einstein Intersection, Nova, Dhalgren, Empire, Dark Reflections, Return to Neveryon series)
  • 1971 Jessica Collins, Schenectady, New York, actress (The Young and the Restless)
  • 1982 Sam Huntington, Peterborough, New Hampshire, actor (Being Human, Superman Returns, Fanboys)
  • 1985 Josh Zuckerman, Los Altos, California, actor (Kyle XY, Desperate Housewives, 90210)
  • 1986 Hillary Scott, Nashville, Tennessee, singer (Lady Antebellum)

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The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected. – Will Rogers

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1789 The United States House of Representatives holds its first quorum in New York City and elects Frederick Muhlenberg of Pennsylvania as its first House Speaker.
  • 1826 The internal combustion engine is patented by Samuel Morey.
  • 1854 Charles Dickens’ Hard Times begins serialization in his magazine, Household Words.
  • 1891 The Wrigley Company is founded in Chicago, Illinois.
  • 1954 The creation of the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado is authorized by President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
  • 1960 The first television picture from space is transmitted by the TIROS-1 satellite.
  • 1967 The United States Department of Transportation begins operation.
  • 1970 The Public Health Cigarette Smoking Act, requiring the Surgeon General’s warnings on tobacco products and banning cigarette advertisements on television and radio in the United States, is signed into law by President Nixon, to start on January 1, 1971.
  • 1976 Apple Inc. is formed by Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Wayne.
  • 1976 Conrail takes over operations from six bankrupt railroads in the Northeastern U.S..
  • 1976 The Jovian–Plutonian gravitational effect hoax is first reported by British astronomer Patrick Moore.
  • 2001 Same-sex marriage becomes legal in the Netherlands, the first country to allow it.

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Monopoly – Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions.

I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered.

For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate…why am I still driving around in a thimble?

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Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.

Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”

The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.”

There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, “If that’s how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.”

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ONE-LINERS: Interesting Newspaper ads . . .

~ FREE PUPPIES: Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
~ FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
~ FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

~ COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
~ FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered: Speaks German.
~ FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat. Been out a while..better be a reward.

~ NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used, call Chubby
~ GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown – 89 cents lb.
~ JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300
~ WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.

(AND THE BEST ONE)
~ FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.
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When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”

This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”

Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

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HUSBAND: Honey, do you love me just because I inherited a fortune from my father?

WIFE: Of course not, darling! I would love you regardless of who left you the money.
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At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:

“If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?”

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
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PIC OF THE DAY: Red Mountains in Utah

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Now I’ll tell you a real story that happened our Sunday school. The Kindergarten class was discussing “prayer”, and the children seemed aware that the way you end a prayer was with “amen.”

The teacher asked, “Does anyone know what ‘amen’ means?”

After a long silence one little boy piped up and said, “Well, I think it means, like, “Send’.”
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The teenager approached the sales clerk in the dress shop with a large bag. “My mother likes this outfit — may I exchange it?
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The radiation belts surrounding the earth were discovered almost simultaneously by VanAllen and another scientist named Fan. VanAllen published first, or else the earth would have a Fan Belt.
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WARNING! APRIL FOOL’S DAY PUNZ!
Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they’ve just finished a long March!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with April 1?
A: April Ghoul’s Day!

Q: What’s the best day for monkey business?
A: The first of Ape-ril!

Q: What’s the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
A: On one you’re thankful and on the other you’re prankful!
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Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?”
“No,” the second man replied, “it’s Thursday.”
The third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a beer.”

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A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.

“See?” says the mother mouse to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”

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The teacher asked her students which state they thought has the most cows. A little girl raised her hand and said Texas.

The teacher said, “That is right, you get an ‘A’. Now which state do you think has the most sheep?”

A little boy raised his hand and said Montana. The teacher said, “That’s right, you get an ‘A’. Who can tell me which state has the most turkeys?”

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, that’s easy, “Washington D.C.”

The teacher gave him an A+.
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At the annual Bosses Night dinner sponsored by legal secretaries, it was time to announce the Boss of the Year.

The master of ceremonies began: “First of all, our winner is a graduate of the local University. So that already eliminates some of you as candidates.”

“Our winner also is a partner in a downtown law firm. That eliminates some more of you. “Our nominee is honest, upright, dedicated …”

A voice from the audience cut in: “Well, there go the rest of us!”
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TODAY’S TRIVIA: Who opened the first motel?
As the advent of automobiles and good roads made travelling easier in the early part of the 1900s, people on the road needed places to stay. By the 1920s many towns had municipal autocamps, but the only other choice was expensive hotels. James Vail envisioned something more convenient. Noting that in California, the Spanish had built missions exactly one day’s horseback ride apart, Vail envisioned something similar for drivers. Vail coined the term “motel” as a contraction of ‘motor hotel’. In 1925 he opened his first motel in San Luis Obispo, charging uests $2.50 per night. Vail intended to build a chain of 18 identical motels, but the coming of the Depression put an end to it, and the Milestone Motel remained a one-of-a-kind inn. The Milestone Motel still stands today, abandoned and in disrepair, along Highway 101.

~ Where can you go to see the Hope Diamond?
The Hope diamond was acquired by King Louis XIV in 1668. It was worn 120 years later by Marie Antoinette and it now resides in the Smithsonian Institution. This beautiful natural blue diamond weighs 44.5 carats today.

~ Why call a crummy bar a ‘dive?’
The use of the word “dive” to describe a seedy saloon first came into use in New York City in the mid-1800s, when such establishments were usually located below street level in run-down row houses, requiring patrons to descend into the buildings.

~ How long have coin-op devices been around?
The first coin-operated machine ever designed was a holy-water dispenser that required a five-drachma piece to operate. It was the brainchild of the Greek scientist Hero in the first century A.D.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If every fool wore a crown, we should all be kings. – Welsh Proverb

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. – Douglas Adams

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