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April 23rd

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death – James F. Bymes


TODAY – APRIL 23rd

113th day of the year (114th in leap years) with 252 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Cherry Cheesecake Day
~ National Lost Dog Awareness Day
~ National Picnic Day
~ National Take a Chance Day
~ National Talk Like Shakespeare Day
~ UN English Language Day
~ World Book Day
~ International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1564 William Shakespeare, English writer and actor (traditional approximate birth date in Julian calendar based on April 26 baptism)
  • 1791 James Buchanan, Cove Gap, Pennsylvania, 15th President of the United States
  • 1895 Ngaio Marsh, New Zealand, crime writer (Grave Mistake, Killer Dolphin, Final Curtain / The Inspector Alleyn Mysteries)
  • 1923 Avram Davidson, Yonkers, New York, science fiction writer (Peregrine series, Vergil Magus series, Mutiny in Space)
  • 1928 Shirley Temple, Santa Monica, California, actress (Curly Top, Bright Eyes, Heidi) and politician (Ambassador to Ghana & Czechoslovakia)
  • 1930 Alan Oppenheimer, NYC, New York, actor (Dr. Rudy Wells in The Six Million Dollar Man, Happy Days, St. Elsewhere, Mama’s Family, Westworld) and voice actor (Mighty Mouse, Ming the Merciless on Flash Gordon, Thundarr the Barbarian, Transformers)
  • 1936 Roy Orbison, Vernon, Texas, singer and musician (Only the Lonely, Crying, Pretty Woman)
  • 1939 Lee Majors, Wyandotte, Michigan, actor (Steve Austin in The Six Million Dollar Man, The Big Valley, The Fall Guy)
  • 1942 Sandra Dee, Bayonne, New Jersey, actress (Gidget, Imitation of Life, A Summer Place)
  • 1949 Joyce DeWitt, Wheeling, West Virginia, actress (Janet Wood on Three’s Company)
  • 1960 Valerie Bertinelli, Wilmington, Delaware, actress (One Day at a Time, Touched by an Angel, Hot in Cleveland)
  • 1961 George Lopez, Los Angeles, California, actor and comedian (George Lopez, Inside the NFL, Lopez Tonight, Bread and Roses)
  • 1962 John Hannah, Scottish actor (McCallum, The Mummy, Sliding Doors, MDs, New Street Law, Cold Blood)
  • 1967 Melina Kanakaredes, Akron, Ohio, actress (Stella in CSI:NY, Providence, The Guiding Light)
  • 1970 Scott Bairstow, Steinbach, Manitoba, Canadian actor (Newt Call on Lonesome Dove series, Party of Five)

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When written in Chinese the word “crisis” is composed of two characters one represents danger and the other represents opportunity. – John F. Kennedy

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1635 The first public school in the United States, Boston Latin School, is founded in Boston, Massachusetts.
  • 1910 Theodore Roosevelt made his The Man in the Arena speech.
  • 1927 Turkey becomes the first country to celebrate Children’s Day as a national holiday.
  • 1967 Soyuz 1 (Russian: Союз 1, Union 1) is a manned spaceflight, Launched into orbit carrying cosmonaut Colonel Vladimir Komarov.
  • 1968 Student protesters at Columbia University in New York City of the Vietnam War  take over administration buildings and shut down the university.
  • 1985 Coca-Cola changes its formula and releases New Coke. The response is overwhelmingly negative, and the original formula is back on the market in less than 3 months.
  • 1990 Namibia becomes the 160th member of the United Nations and the 50th member of the Commonwealth of Nations.

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A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, “Paul has to go to the principal’s office.”

“I wonder why,” the teacher mused.
“Because he’s a following person,” Alice replied.

“A what?” the teacher asked.
“It came over the loudspeaker: ‘The following persons are to go to the office.'”
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Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand.

The lawyer asked, “When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?”
“Yes, sir, they were.”

“Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?”
“Yes, sir, she did.”

“And,” looking at Judi, “what was it she said?”
“She said, ‘What disco am I at?'”
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ONE-LINERS: Definitions for Parents
~ FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn’t appreciate the mashed carrots.
~ HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
~ PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

~ PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.
~ STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
~ TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
~ WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a washrag.”
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I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase.

After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.

It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.
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WARNING! ENTERING FROGGY PUN ZONE!

Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area!

Where do frogs keep their treasure?
In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow!

Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog!

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
Hop on!
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Three nurses died and went to Heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who questioned them.

“What did you used to do back on Earth?” he asked the first nurse. “Why do you think you should be allowed into Heaven?”

She told him, “I was a nurse at an inner city hospital. I worked to bring healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor children.”

“Very noble. You may enter.” And he ushered her through the gates. He asked the same questions to the next nurse.

“I was a missionary nurse in the Amazon. For many years I worked with a small group of doctors and nurses to help people in numerous tribes, healing them and telling them of God’s love.” The second nurse replied.

“Excellent!” said St. Peter. And he ushered her through the gates as well. Finally he posed his questions to the third nurse. She hesitated, then explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMO.”

St. Peter considered her answer for a moment, then told her, “Well, you can enter, too.”

“Wow!” the nurse exclaimed in relief. “I almost thought you weren’t going to let me in.”

“Oh, you can certainly come in,” St. Peter told her, “but you can only stay for three days.”

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A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!”
“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.

“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”
“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the state,” he said. “there must be some mistake.”

“I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”
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A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records.

At one point the auditor exclaimed, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” replied the taxpayer. “I thought you were going to want cash.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Which was the first tinned coffee in the U.S? Chase and Sanborn was the first coffee to be sold in sealed tin cans in the United States in 1879.

~ Who invented the baseball bat? Babe Ruth is credited with the invention of the modern baseball bat. He was the first player to order a bat with a knob on the end of the handle. Louisville Slugger produced the bat with which he hit 29 home runs in 1919.

~ How large is a bird’s eye? A bird’s eye takes up about 50 percent of its head, our eyes take up about 5 percent of our head. To be comparable to a bird’s eyes, our eyes would have to be the size of baseballs.

~ What is International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day? This holiday is a commemoration declared by author Jo Walton, first celebrated in 2007, in response to remarks made by Howard V. Hendrix stating that he was opposed “to the increasing presence in our organization the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America of webscabs, who post their creations on the net for free”. The purpose of the day, according to Walton was to encourage writers to post “professional quality” works for free on the internet.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Everything you can imagine is real. – Picasso

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

Our life is a faint tracing on the surface of mystery, like the idle, curved tunnels of leaf miners on the surface of a leaf. We must somehow take a wider view, look at the whole landscape, really see it, and describe what’s going on here. Then we can at least wail the right question into the swaddling band of darkness, or, if it comes to that, choir the proper praise. – Annie Dillard

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