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April 25th

The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway. – Henry Boye


TODAY – APRIL 25th

115th day of the year (116th in leap years) with 250 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National DNA Day (commemorates the day in 1953 when James Watson, Francis Crick, Maurice Wilkins, Rosalind Franklin and colleagues published papers in the journal Nature on the structure of DNA)
~ National East Meets West Day (aka Elbe Day)
~ National Hug A Plumber Day
~ National Telephone Day
~ National Zucchini Bread Day
~ Parental Alienation Awareness Day
~ Red Hat Society Day
~ World Malaria Day
~ World Penguin Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1825 Charles Ferdinand Dowd, American educator, proposed standardized time zones
  • 1874 Guglielmo Marconi, Italian inventor (Nobel /development of Marconi’s law and a radio telegraph system, which served as the foundation for the establishment of numerous affiliated companies worldwide)
  • 1918 Ella Fitzgerald, Newport News, Virginia, jazz singer (‘The First Lady of Song’, Is it live or Memorex, A-Tisket A-Tasket)
  • 1940 Al Pacino, New York City, New York, actor / director (And Justice For All, Godfather, Scorpio, You Don’t Know Jack, Ocean’s Thirteen, Angels in America, Dick Tracy, Scarface)
  • 1946 Talia Shire, Lake Success, New York, actress (Rocky series, The Godfather films )
  • 1947 Jeffrey DeMunn, Buffalo, New York, actor (The Green Mile, The Shawshank Redemption, The Majestic, The Mist, The Walking Dead, Mob City, Divorce, Billions)
  • 1950 Peter Jurasik, Queens, New York, actor (Babylon 5, Hill Street Blues, Beverly Hills Buntz, The Longest Ride)
  • 1969 Renée Zellweger, Katy, Texas, actress (Jerry Maguire, Bridget Jones’s Diary, Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, Chicago, Cold Mountain, The Whole Truth)
  • 1970 Jason M. Lee, Orange, California, actor (The Incredibles, Underdog, Alvin and the Chipmunks, My Name is Earl, Behaving Badly)
  • 1970 Jason Wiles, Kansas City, Missouri, actor (Third Watch, Persons Unknown, Scream: The TV Series)
  • 1977 Marguerite Moreau, Riverside, California, actress (The Mighty Ducks, Queen of the Damned, Life as We Know It, What About Brian, Caroline and Jackie, Grey’s Anatomy, Moments of Clarity)
  • 1996 Allisyn Ashley Arm, Glendale, California, actress (Sonny with a Chance, So Random!, Astrid Clover, Jake and the Never Land Pirates, Aimy in a Cage)

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Don’t wait for people to be friendly, show them how. – Author Unknown
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1719 Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe is published.
  • 1901 New York becomes the first U.S. state to require automobile license plates.
  • 1939 Batman, one of the most popular comic book superheroes of all time, is first published in Detective Comics #27 & becomes DC Comics  second major superhero .
  • 1953 Francis Crick and James D. Watson publish paper describing the double helix structure of DNA.
  • 1954 Bell labs announces first solar battery (New York, NY).
  • 1960 USS Triton is first submarine to complete submerged circumnavigation of Earth.
  • 1983 Pioneer 10 crossed the orbit of Pluto, the outermost planet, to continue its voyage into the universe beyond our solar system
  • 1983 American schoolgirl Samantha Smith is invited to visit the Soviet Union by its leader Yuri Andropov after he read her letter in which she expressed fears about nuclear war.
  • 1990 Hubble space telescope is placed into orbit by shuttle Discovery.
  • 2007 Boris Yeltsin’s funeral: first to be sanctioned by the Russian Orthodox Church for a head of state since the funeral of Emperor Alexander III in 1894.
  • 2015 Riots break out in Baltimore, Maryland following the death of Freddie Gray in police custody.

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This guy calls in to complain that he gets an “Access Denied” message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters.

Tech Support: “OK, let’s try once more, but use lower case letters.”

Customer: “Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard.”
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A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.
“What for?” he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, “Twenty dollars contempt of court. That’s why!”
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. “That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”
The man replied, “I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”
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ONE-LINERS: THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT

~ I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
~ Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
~ Hmmm… If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we cats ever get the stupid dogs to do anything for us?

~ This looks like a good spot for a nap.
~ Hey — no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.
~ Would humans have built a civilization on their own if cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
~ If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let them know who’s boss.
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There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew everything there was to know about accounting. He could answer any question. He knew all the tax laws. There wasn’t a better accountant anywhere.

Every morning when he came to work, he would unlock his desk drawer, open it up and look inside for a moment, and then close and lock it again. This puzzled all of his co-workers, because it was the only eccentricity that this genius exhibited. For years no one dared to breach etiquette and snoop through his desk, but his odd behavior became something of a legend around the office.

One day when the elderly man was home sick, one junior accountant could control himself no longer. Taking a letter opener he carefully pried open the desk lock. Inside he found one sheet of paper, and written in large letters was:

“DEBITS ON THE LEFT…CREDITS ON THE RIGHT”
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For World Penguin Day: Adelie Penguins on icebergAdelie_Penguins_on_iceberg

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A pastor assured his congregation he was their servant and that they should feel free to call him anytime they had a problem.

That night the pastor’s phone rang at 3 a.m. On the other end was a dear elderly lady who said, “Pastor, I can’t sleep.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” he comforted her. “But what can I do about it?” the pastor asked.

She sweetly replied, “Preach to me a while, pastor.”
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A couple birds were watching a rocket take off from Kennedy Space Center.
“Wow,” said one, “look how fast he flies.”
The other replied, “You’d fly like that too it your tail was on fire.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ When the fortune teller laughed at me I struck a happy medium.
~ My door was ajar, so I added jelly. Now it’s a door jam.
~ It’s hard to take kleptomaniacs seriously. They take things literally.
~ Sunday Golfer: Someone who’s more interested in a hole-in-one than the Holy One
~ The pet store is giving away canaries that fly all the time, never landing. The sign says, “No perches necessary.”
~ “Doctor, Doctor! You’ve gotta help me! I’m addicted to Twitter!”
“Sorry, I don’t follow you.”
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AT ONE TIME, the ammunition dump at Nellis AFB, Nevada, was commanded by a colonel whose strict rule was no matches or lighters in the ammo area. To test the men, he would occasionally walk among them with an unlighted cigar between his teeth, stopping now and then to ask an unsuspecting airman for a light.

One evening the colonel paused to watch a sergeant and his crew unpack bomb fuses. “Would any of you gentlemen have a light?” he asked.

“Yes, sir!” an airman piped up. The sergeant and crew stood braced for the colonel’s wrath. But the deathly silence erupted into guffaws.

“Thank you, airman,” the colonel said and strutted away. With a flourish, the airman switched off his flashlight and returned it to his pocket. – Dave C. Harper
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My husband had reluctantly agreed to come shopping with me. He wound up regretting his decision when he found himself stuck in a lingerie shop while I tried on one garment after another. Impatient and bored with waiting, he finally asked a sales clerk, “Isn’t there anything in this store for men?”
The sales clerk looked around and then said, “Sir, *everything* in this store is for men.”
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The theme of our community college’s annual writers’ conference was “Writing: For the Sell of It”. I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker. my request was met with a long silence. Finally he said, “I don’t know what I would say to that audience.”
“You’re just being modest,” I replied. “I’m sure you’re extremely qualified to speak about selling what you’ve written.”
He suddenly broke into laughter. “I thought you said ‘Writing for the Celibate.'”
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The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from one pediatrician’s office included a small amount with the description, “behavior modification reinforcers.”

Fearing that the doctor might be engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, the manager called the pediatrician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?”

The reply came back, “Lollipops.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Will coffee sober you up? According to the National Safety Council, coffee is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases it may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol.

~ How did the pea coat get its name? A pea coat is actually a “jacket coat.” The “pea” part of its name is from the Dutch word pij, which is a sailor’s garment.

~ Where does a camel give gifts? In Syria, Christmas gifts are distributed by one of the Wise Men’s camels. The gift-giving camel is said to have been the smallest one in the Wise Men’s caravan.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: You can distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. – Plato

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