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April 28th

Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself. – Mahatma Gandhi


TODAY – APRIL 28th

118th day of the year (119th in leap years) with 247 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Kiss-Your-Mate Day
~ National Blueberry Pie Day
~ National BraveHearts Day
~ National Great Poetry Reading Day
~ National Superhero Day
~ World Day for Safety and Health at Work
~ International Worker’s Memorial Day (U.S.); National Day of Mourning (Canada) [commemorates workers who have been killed, injured or suffered illness due to workplace related hazards and incidents]

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1758 James Monroe, Monroe Hall, Virginia, 5th US President (1817-25)
  • 1878 Lionel Barrymore, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor (A Free Soul, David Copperfield, Dr. Kildare)
  • 1911 Lee Falk, St. Louis, Missouri, comic strip writer (The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician)
  • 1926 Harper Lee, Monroeville, Alabama, author (To Kill a Mockingbird)
  • 1934 Lois Duncan, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, author (Who Killed My Daughter?, Hotel for Dogs, I Know What You Did Last Summer)
  • 1938 Madge Sinclair, Jamaica, actress (Roots, Convoy, Trapper John, STIV: Voyage Home)
  • 1941 Ann-Margret, Sweden, actress (Bye Bye Birdie, Grumpy Old Men, The Break-Up, Santa Clause 3, Old Dogs)
  • 1948 Terry Pratchett, English author (Discworld series)
  • 1948 Marcia Strassman, NYC, New York, actress (Welcome Back Kotter, Honey I Shrunk The Kids, Tremors)
  • 1949 Paul Guilfoyle, Canton, Massachusetts, actor (Captain Jim Brass : CSI, Mrs. Doubtfire, Air Force 1, Colony)
  • 1950 Jay Leno, Andover, Massachusetts, comedian/talk show host (Tonight Show 1994 – 2013)
  • 1952 Mary McDonnell, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, actress (Dances with Wolves, President Roslin/Battlestar Galactica, Independence Day, Major Crimes)
  • 1966 John Daly, Carmichael, California, golfer (1991 PGA Championship; 2004 Comeback of the Year)
  • 1971 Bridget Moynahan, Binghamton, New York, actress (Coyote Ugly, Sum of all Fears, I Robot, Lord of War, Blue Bloods)
  • 1971 Simbi Khali, Jackson,  Mississippi, actress (Nina-Third Rock From the Sun; Martin, Vampire in Brooklyn)
  • 1973 Jorge Garcia, Omaha, Nebraska, actor / comedian (Becker, Lost, Alcatraz, Hawaii Five-O)
  • 1973 Elisabeth Rohm, German/American actress (Law & Order, Angel, Stalker)
  • 1981 Jessica Alba, Pomono, California, actress (Dark Angel, Fantastic Four, Into the Blue, Machete, Barely Lethal, The Veil)

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We don’t live as we wish, but as we can. – Terence
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1788 Maryland becomes the seventh state to ratify the Constitution of the United States.
  • 1789 Mutiny on the Bounty: Lieutenant William Bligh and 18 sailors are set adrift and the rebel crew returns to Tahiti briefly and then sets sail for Pitcairn Island.
  • 1869 Chinese and Irish laborers for the Central Pacific Railroad working on the First Transcontinental Railroad lay 10 miles of track in one day, a feat which has never been matched.
  • 1930 First night game in organized baseball history takes place in Independence, Kansas.
  • 1932 A vaccine for yellow fever is announced for use on humans.
  • 1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci are executed by a firing squad consisting of members of the Italian resistance movement.
  • 1952 Dwight D. Eisenhower resigns as Supreme Allied Commander of NATO.
  • 1986 The United States Navy aircraft carrier USS Enterprise becomes the first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier to transit the Suez Canal, navigating from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean Sea to relieve the USS Coral Sea.
  • 1996 Whitewater controversy: President Bill Clinton gives a 4½ hour videotaped testimony for the defense.
  • 2001 Millionaire Dennis Tito becomes the world’s first space tourist.

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An English Clergyman turned to a Scotchman and asked: “What would you be if you were not Scot?”

The Scotchman said: “Why, an Englishman, of course!”

Then the clergyman turned to a gentleman from Ireland and asked him: “And what would you be were you not an Irishman?”

The man thought a moment and said: “I’d be ashamed of myself!”

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. “When you finish cutting the grass,” I said, “you might as well sweep the sidewalk.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

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ONE-LINERS:

Dogs And Computers: Same Or Different?

— Favorite Food
Dogs: kibbles
Computers: bits

— Method used to end undesirable behavior
Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper
Computers: hit control-alt-delete

— After destruction of personal property
Dogs: dog not found
Computers: file not found

— Favorite trick
Dogs: roll over
Computers: play dead

— Comic-page hero
Dogs: Dogbert
Computers: Dilbert

— Fun way to mess with their heads
Dogs: peanut butter on roof of mouth
Computers: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive

— Consequence of virus
Dogs: replace valuable carpeting
Computers: replace valuable data

— Widely ignored government mandate
Dogs: leash law
Computers: Communications Decency Act

— Waste disposal tool
Dogs: pooper-scooper
Computers: uninstaller

— Sensitive internal procedures
Dogs: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional
Computers: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of like this once

— Method of marking territory
Dogs: lifting leg
Computers: “Designed for Windows XP”

— Unique behavior
Dogs: lick and drag
Computers: click-and-drag

— Inexplicable physical feature
Dogs: dew-claw
Computers: scroll lock key

— Estimated lifespan
Dogs: 12 years
Computers: 12 months
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When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, “High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.”

“Your mother’s side or your father’s?” I asked.
“Neither,” he replied. “It’s from my wife’s family.”

“Oh, come now,” I said. “How could your wife’s family give you high blood pressure?”
He sighed. “You oughta meet ’em sometime, Doc!”
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pic of the day: A cool drink on a hot day…

black llama getting drink of water
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Camping Tips . . .

– Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
– The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
– A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

– A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
– When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
– Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

– A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
– In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
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I’ve sure gotten old. I’ve had two bypass surgeries. Also a hip replacement; later new knees.

I’ve fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, I take 40 dozens of medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation and barely feel my hands and feet anymore. I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. I have lost all my friends.

But Thank Goodness, I still have my driver’s license!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

While traveling through Georgia I stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men’s room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, “Please Wiggel Handel”.

Below that some wit had written, “If I do, will it wiggel Bach?”

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My hearing aid occasionally emits a brief high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near me. One day my little granddaughter was sitting on my lap when the device started to beep.

Surprised, she looked up at and said, “Grandpa! You’ve got mail!”

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The Pope dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, Saint Peter shows him to his new quarters which turn out to be a tiny one bedroom apartment.

The Pope is horrified and wants to know why he doesn’t have the penthouse apartment, which is huge.

Saint Peter informs him that the resident of the penthouse is a lawyer.

“A lawyer,” says the Pope. “But I’m the Pope, surely I’m more important.”

“With respect Sir,” says Saint Peter, “We have lots of Pope’s up here, but we only have ONE lawyer!”

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I said to my wife, “I never want to depend on a machine and fluids to keep me alive.”

That’s when she took away my computer, my TV remote and the coffee maker.

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KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL THINK FAST – Golden Oldies…

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
______________

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
ELLEN: I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen…Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN: All right…”I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
_____________

TEACHER: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
JOHNNY: “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”
_____________

TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
JOHNNY: “Because George still had the ax in his hand.”
______________

TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_______________

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
______________

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
______________

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How much did Mona Lisa sell for? 
King Francis I of France is reported to have paid master artist Leonardo da Vinci 4,000 gold crowns for his masterpiece “Mona Lisa,” but the king did not get immediate possession. Da Vinci kept the painting hanging on a wall of his chateau to the day he died.

~ When did Sudoku take off worldwide? 
In 1997, retired Hong Kong judge Wayne Gould, 59, a New Zealander, saw a partly completed puzzle in a Japanese bookshop. Over six years he developed a computer program to produce puzzles quickly. Knowing that British newspapers have a long history of publishing crosswords and other puzzles, he promoted Sudoku to The Times in Britain, which launched it on 12 November 2004 (calling it Su Doku). The immense surge in popularity of Sudoku in British newspapers and internationally has led to it being dubbed in the world media in 2005 the “fastest growing puzzle in the world”.

~ What were Graham’s dietary ideas? 
Interestingly, the diet Graham recommended was considerably healthier than the one Americans were eating at the time, or for that matter eat today. He railed against commercial bakers who used refined flour devoid of dietary fiber. He urged the consumption of fresh fruits, vegetables, grains, and seeds. Strictly verboten were fat, salt, sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and stimulants. Modern dieticians aren’t as strongly opposed to meat as he was (although they’d certainly advise fish and poultry rather than red meat), and they’d go easy on the fat- and cholesterol-laden milk, cheese, and eggs he recommended. But by and large “the prophet of bran bread and pumpkins” was ahead of his time.

~ What is National Bravehearts Day about?
honors the bravery of families dealing with pediatric cancer. It also focuses on the bravery of children suffering from cancer and those who also care so deeply.

The observance offers hope to families struggling with pediatric cancer through a phone app called Spotlight Hope. Find the app on Google Play and in the Apple Store for easy download. The app helps families plug into local resources during their time of pediatric cancer crisis.
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QUIP OF THE DAY:Be the best that you can be.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Believe in yourself and you can achieve greatness in your life. – Judy Blume

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