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April 4th

Mistakes, obviously, show us what needs improving. Without mistakes, how would we know what we had to work on? – Peter McWilliams, Life 101


TODAY – APRIL 4th

94th day of the year (95th in leap years) with 271 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Carrot Day
~ Jeep 4×4 Day (On 4/4, launch into adventure!)
~ National Chicken Cordon Bleu Day
~ National Hug a Newsperson Day
~ National School Librarian Day
~ National Vitamin C Day
~ National Walk Around Things Day
~ Tell a Lie Day
~ International Day for Landmine Awareness and Assistance in Mine Action
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1821 Linus Yale, Jr., Salisbury, Salisbury, New York, inventor and manufacturer (inventions of locks, especially the cylinder lock)
  • 1843 William Henry Jackson, Keeseville, New York, geological survey photographer, painter and explorer (famous for images of the American West)
  • 1895 Arthur Murray, American dance teacher (Arthur Murray Studios)
  • 1902 Stanley G. Weinbaum, Louisville, Kentucky, author (A Martian Odyssey)
  • 1908 Ernestine Gilbreth Carey, New York, New York, author (Cheaper by the Dozen, Belles on Their Toes)
  • 1928 Maya Angelou, St. Louis, Missouri, poet (I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings)/actress (Nyo-Roots)
  • 1932 Estelle Harris, New York City, New York, actress (Seinfeld , Toy Story 2 , Toy Story 3 , The Suite Life of Zack & Cody )
  • 1932 Anthony Perkins, New York, New York, actor (Norman Bates in Psycho, Pretty Poison, The Black Hole)
  • 1933 Bill France, Jr., Washington DC, NASCAR pioneer
  • 1944 Craig T. Nelson, Spokane, Washington, actor (Coach, Poltergeist, The Incredibles)
  • 1947 Luke Halpin, Astoria, Queens, New York, actor (Watertown, New York )
  • 1948 Dan Simmons, Peoria, Illinois, author (Hyperion Cantos, Ilium/Olympos series, Joe Kurtz series, Song of Kali)
  • 1958 Mary-Margaret Humes, Watertown, New York, actress (Dawson’s Creek )
  • 1964 David Cross, Atlanta, Georgia, actor and comedian (Mr. Show , Arrested Development)
  • 1965 Robert Downey, Jr., New York, New York, actor (Air America, Charlie Chaplin, Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes remake)
  • 1973 David Blaine, New York City, New York, illusionist/street magic
  • 1976 James Roday, San Antonio, Texas, actor (Psych, Skinwalkers, The Dukes of Hazzard)
  • 1983 Amanda Righetti, St. George, Utah, actress & film producer (The Mentalist, Friday the 13th, The O.C.)

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Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. – Benjamin Spock
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1818 The United States Congress adopts the flag of the United States with 13 red and white stripes and one star for each state (then 20).
  • 1841 William Henry Harrison dies of pneumonia becoming the first President of the United States to die in office and the one with the shortest term served.
  • 1964 The Beatles occupy the top five positions on the Billboard Hot 100 pop chart.
  • 1967 Martin Luther King, Jr. delivers his “Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence” speech in New York City’s Riverside Church.
  • 1968 Martin Luther King, Jr. is assassinated by James Earl Ray at a motel in Memphis, Tennessee.
  • 1968 Apollo 6 launched atop Saturn V; unmanned.
  • 1969 Dr. Denton Cooley implants the first temporary artificial heart.
  • 1973 The World Trade Center in New York is officially dedicated.
  • 1975 Microsoft is founded as a partnership between Bill Gates and Paul Allen in Albuquerque, New Mexico
  • 1983 Space Shuttle Challenger makes its maiden voyage into space (STS-6).
  • 1984 President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on chemical weapons.

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I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: “too many deer were being hit by cars” and he didn’t want them to cross there anymore.
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I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”

To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?”
He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.”
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ONE-LINERS: How cool is he? Well, he’s so cool that …

… he can make orange juice. Out of apples.
… he’s the only person Chuck Norris has apologized to.
… his personality is so magnetic, he can’t carry credit cards.
… when he was a boy he created a city out of blocks. Today over half a million people live there.

… his passwords never expire.
… he once sent $1,000 to a Nigerian scammer and actually received his $5 million.
… he is always on the right side of the tracks. If he crossed to the other side, he’d still be on the right side.

… Michael Jackson learned to Moon Walk from him.
… he once broke a mirror, and had seven years of good luck.
… he has never learned from a mistake, because he has never made a Mistake. Mistakes are afraid of him.

… his email is gmail@theworldscoolestman.com
… when he was born he cut his own umbilical cord.
… he doesn’t get addicted to smoking, cigarettes get addicted to him.
… when a total eclipse of the sun interfered with his polo match, he postponed it. The eclipse, that is.

… he is so cool, he makes ice jealous.
… he can download the entire Internet and compress it to a single file. Of 100 MB.
… he’s the only person to have come back from the Bermuda Triangle. With a souvenir.
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Lawyers get a lot of unjust criticism.
I would remind you that it is not right to condemn a whole profession just because of 350,000 bad apples.
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Bumper Sticker of the day:


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Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.”

“Now,” he concluded, “which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?”
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Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.”

The clerk said, “All right. How long do you need them?” The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ I took a class in ornithology just for a lark.
~ After making cakes all day, the baker felt stir crazy.
~ I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest, I only intended to rough him up a bit.

~ Buying a camera is a snap decision.
~ There were three horses on the ship including a sick bay.
~ I’ve been working in the otolaryngologist’s office. It’s a cut-throat world.
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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”

The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”
The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
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I saw a new local ad campaign being run for the northern snow birds by our county tourist board. Against a drop dead sunset beach picture, It reads:
Come to the SW coast of Florida this winter for your family vacation! It’s got everything…
Sand for the children, fishing galore for Dad, sun for the wife, and plenty of sharks for the mother-in-law.
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The year is made of 365 days having 24 hours, 12 of which are night time hours which add up to 182 days.

This leaves you with 183 days of work minus 52 Sundays which leaves you 131 days to work minus 52 Saturdays which leaves you 79 days to work and there are four hours each day set aside for eating which adds to 60 days which leaves you 19 days for working, and are entitled to 15 days for your vacation which leaves you 4 days left for work minus 3 days usually taken off due to illness or other emergencies, which leaves you one day to work which happens to be a Labor day, which is a holiday.
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Signs that your cat is hanging around with the wrong crowd:
~ One day, without your permission, he gets his ears pierced.
~ Your credit card is overcharged, mainly for “9-Lives.”
~ You find attached to the refrigerator a note that reads: “Leave a steak on the front porch at midnight, or you’ll never see Spot again.”

~ You come home to catch him in the act of raiding your liquor cabinet.
~ Several hundred dollars’ worth of phone calls appear on your phone bill to “1-900-PUSSYCAT-MEOW.”
~ Too many times a week your cat comes home after one in the morning, totally plastered and with a strong odor of catnip about him.

~ You find out that the lifetime’s supply of cat food wasn’t a prize from “Kitten’s Life” magazine, but that your cat has been selling drugs in the neighborhood.
~ After failing to get your attention with constant meows and by rubbing up against your leg, your cat pulls out his Magnum-44 and aims it at you, demanding “Friskies” and catnip.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What does the kinkajou use its tail for? The kinkajou’s tail is twice as long as its body. Every night, it wraps itself up in its tail and uses it as a pillow.

~ Did The Partridge Family perform their own songs? Not the entire family — Led by producer Wes Farrell, a group of hired studio musicians actually created the Partridge Family sound. Interestingly, though David Cassidy was originally cast with the intent to lip sync with the rest of the cast, he convinced Farrell just weeks into production that he could sing well and was allowed to join the studio ensemble as the lead singer. He and Shirley Jones, who sang background, were the only cast members who were actually featured on the recordings.

~ Are chickens on an odd daily cycle? Some research suggests so — A chicken will lay bigger and stronger eggs if you change the lighting in such a way as to make them think a day is 28 hours long.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: The difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Gratitude is the memory of the heart.

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