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August 16th

It does not require many words to speak the truth. – Chief Joseph


228th day of the year (229th in leap years) with 137 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Joe Miller’s Joke Day
~ National Airborne Day
~ National Roller Coaster Day
~ National Rum Day
~ National Tell a Joke Day
~ Surveillance Day
~ True Love Forever Day
~ World Bratwurst Day


  • 1884 Hugo Gernsback, Luxembourg-American editor and publisher, sci-fi author and editor (sometimes called “The Father of Science Fiction”, along with the novelists H. G. Wells and Jules Verne)
  • 1888 T. E. Lawrence, English writer and soldier (Lawrence of Arabia)
  • 1924 Fess Parker, Fort Worth, Texas, actor (Davy Crockett, Old Yeller)
  • 1930 Robert Culp, Berkeley, California, actor (I Spy, Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice)
  • 1933 Stuart Roosa, Durango, Colorado, astronaut (Apollo 14, one of only 24 people to travel to the Moon)
  • 1953 Kathie Lee Gifford, Paris, France, American actress and singer (Live with Regis and Kathie Lee, The Insider, Today)
  • 1958 Angela Bassett, New York City, New York, actress (What’s Love Got to Do With It, Rosa Parks Story, American Horror Story, BoJack Horseman, Close to the Enemy, London Has Fallen, 9-1-1)
  • 1958 Madonna, Bay City, Michigan, singer and actress (Madonna, Like a Virgin, True Blue)
  • 1960 Timothy Hutton, Malibu, California, actor (Ordinary People, Taps, A Nero Wolfe Mystery, Avenger, Kidnapped, Leverage, The Killing Room, American Crime)
  • 1962 Steve Carell, Concord, Massachusetts, actor (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Office, Little Miss Sunshine, Get Smart, Over the Hedge, Despicable Me, Last Flag Flying)
  • 1988 Rumer Willis, Paducah, Kentucky, actress (Now and Then, The Secret Life of the American Teenager; won season 20 of Dancing with the Stars, Empire)
  • 1991 Evanna Lynch, Ireland, actress (Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter movies, Emily)

Happiness is a direction, not a place. – Syndey J. Harris


  • 1841 U.S. President John Tyler vetoes a bill which called for the re-establishment of the Second Bank of the United States. Enraged Whig Party members riot outside the White House in the most violent demonstration on White House grounds in U.S. history.
  • 1870 Fred Goldsmith demonstrates curveball isn’t an optical illusion.
  • 1920 Ray Chapman of the Cleveland Indians is hit in the head by a fastball thrown by Carl Mays of the New York Yankees, and dies early the next day. To date, Chapman is the second player to die from injuries sustained in a Major League Baseball game, the first being Doc Powers in 1909.
  • 1942 During WWII: The two-person crew of the U.S. naval blimp L-8 disappears without a trace on a routine anti-submarine patrol over the Pacific Ocean. The blimp drifts without her crew and crash-lands in Daly City, California.
  • 1954 The first edition of Sports Illustrated is published.
  • 1960 Joseph Kittinger parachutes from balloon at 31,330 m (84,700′), setting three records that still stand today: High-altitude jump, free-fall, and fastest speed by a human without an aircraft.
  • 1962 Pete Best replaced by Ringo Starr (Richard Starkey) as drummer for The Beatles.
  • 1969 Day two of the Woodstock Festival.
  • 1977 Elvis Presley, singer, guitarist, and actor died in Memphis, Tennessee.
  • 2008 The Trump International Hotel and Tower in Chicago is topped off at 1,389 feet (423 m), at the time becoming the world’s highest residence above ground-level.
  • 2017 Minamata Convention on Mercury came into force


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.
Much to their relief she smiled and said, “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.”
Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: “First Question: Which tire was flat?

ONE-LINERS: School Papers . . . A compilation of statements from actual grade school papers:

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a female moth.

5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

7. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for long.

8. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made King. Dying, he gasped out: ‘Tee hee, Brutus.’

9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

10. Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his sons head.

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter’s office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. “Oh, come on, quit joking,” snickered one. “You didn’t really do that, did you?”

“You would never get through basic training,” scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, “Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?”

A screenwriter comes home to a burned-down house. His sobbing wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” he asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I barely made it out of the house alive…”

“Wait! Back up a minute,” the man says. “My agent called?”

PIC OF THE DAY: Maremma Sheepdog Puppy
Maremma sheepdog puppy

HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
WIFE: I clean the toilet.

HUSBAND: How does that help?
WIFE: I use your toothbrush.

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”


Q: How do mummies send messages to each other?
A: Crypt-o-grams.

Q: Why don’t mummies face up to their problems?
A: They live in a state of de-Nile.

Q: Where do mummies go when they feel all tied up?
A: The Cairo-practor.

Q: Why do mummies need to have their homes
A: To drive out the crypt ticks.

Q: What do mummies use to groom their feline pets?
A: Catacombs.

(from “Monsters Unchained!” by Richard Lederer)

Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 x 2 ?”

~ The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99”.
~ The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02”.
~ The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: “I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!”

~ Philosopher smiles: “But what do you mean by 2 x 2 ?”
~ Logician replies: “Please define 2 * 2 more precisely.”
~ The sociologist: “I don’t know, but is was nice talking about it”.
~ Behavioral Ecologist: “A polygamous mating system”.

Medical Student : “4”
All others looking astonished : “How did you know?”
Medical Student : “I memorized it.”

John and Charles were sitting on the front porch chillin’ when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod (grass) went by.
“I’m gonna do that when I win the lottery,” said John.

“Do what?” asked Charles.
“Send my grass out to be mowed,” answered John.


If GH is pronounced P as in hiccough…
If OUGH is pronounced O as in dough…
If PHTH is pronounced T as in Phthisis…
If EIGH is pronounced A as in Neighbor…
If TTE is pronounced T as in Gazette…
If EAU is pronounced O as in Plateau…


** Off-Kilter Newspaper headlines **

1) Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
2) British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
3) Air Head Fired Steals Clock, Faces Time

4) Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
5) Farmer Bill Dies in House
6) Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

7) Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash
8) Probe Told Miners Refuse to Work after Death
9) Drunken Drivers Paid £1000
10) War Dims Hope for Peace

TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is the Minamata Convention on Mercury? 
An international treaty designed to protect human health and the environment from mercury and mercury compounds. The text of the Convention was approved by delegates representing close to 140 countries on 19 January 2013 in Geneva and adopted and signed later that year on 10 October 2013 at a Diplomatic Conference held in Kumamoto, Japan.

~ Why is it called the Minamata Convention on Mercury?
The Convention is named after the Japanese city Minamata, as that city went through a devastating incident of mercury poisoning caused by a local chemical plant emitting untreated wastewater to the Minamata Bay.

~ What are the symptoms of mercury poisoning?
It depends upon the type, dose, method, and duration of exposure. However, common symptoms of mercury poisoning include peripheral neuropathy, presenting as paresthesia (abnormal sensation such as tingling, tickling, pricking, numbness or burning of a person’s skin with no apparent physical cause) or itching, burning, pain, or even a sensation that resembles small insects crawling on or under the skin (formication). There can be skin discoloration (pink cheeks, fingertips and toes); swelling; and desquamation (shedding or peeling of skin). Symptoms may include muscle weakness, poor coordination, numbness in the hands and feet, skin rashes, anxiety, memory problems, trouble speaking, trouble hearing, or trouble seeing. A high level exposure to methylmercury is known as Minamata disease.

~ Is there really that much mercury pollution?
An estimated 5500-8900 tons of mercury is currently emitted and re-emitted each year to the atmosphere, with much of the re-emitted mercury considered to be related to human activity, as are the direct releases. Currently, it is mostly used in industrial processes that produce chlorine or vinyl chloride monomer for polyvinyl chloride (PVC) production, and polyurethane elastomers. It is contained in products such as electrical switches (including thermostats), relays, measuring and control equipment, energy-efficient fluorescent light bulbs, and batteries. Sadly, it is even directly polluting our bodies in the form of the silver colored dental amalgam and in many vaccines as a preservative.

It is also used in laboratories, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, including , paints, and jewelery. Mercury is also released unintentionally from some industrial processes, such as coal-fired power and heat generation, cement production, mining and other metallurgic activities such as non-ferrous metals production, as well as from incineration of many types of waste.

It is expected that over the next few decades, this international agreement will enhance the reduction of mercury pollution from the targeted activities responsible for the major release of mercury to the immediate environment.
QUIP OF THE DAY: It is not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop.


Thought for the day. . . Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.

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