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August 18th

It is not length of life, but depth of life. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


TODAY – AUGUST 18th

230th day of the year (231st in leap years) with 135 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Bad Poetry Day
~ National Ice Cream Pie Day
~ Birthday of Virginia Dare (Roanoke Island)
~ Long Tan Day, also called Vietnam Veterans’ Day (Australia)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1587 Virginia Dare, Roake Colony (North Carolina), first American born of English parents
  • 1685 Brook Taylor, England, mathematician (Taylor’s theorem, Taylor’s series)
  • 1774 Meriwether Lewis, Ablemarle County, Virginia, explorer (Lewis & CLark Expedition)
  • 1904 Max Factor Jr, Polish born make-up artist/cosmetics entrepreneur (Max Factor Cosmetics)
  • 1921 Lydia Litvyak, Soviet pilot, one of only two female flying aces
  • 1927 Marvin Harris, Brooklyn, New York, anthropological historian and theoretician (global processes that account for human origins and the evolution of human cultures)
  • 1936 Robert Redford, Santa Monica, California, actor (Sting, Candidate, Natural, Great Gatsby)
  • 1943 Martin Mull, Chicago, Illinois, comedian (Relative Strangers, Killers, Veeps, Dads)
  • 1952 Patrick Swayze, Houston, Texas, actor & singer (Red Dawn, Dirty Dancing, Road House, Ghost, North and South, The Beast)
  • 1958 Madeleine Stowe, Los Angeles, California, actress (Stakeout, 12 Monkeys, We Were Soldiers, Revenge)
  • 1961 Glenn Plummer, Richmond, California, actor, producer, & screenwriter (Speed, The Day After Tomorrow, Sons of Anarchy, Southland)
  • 1969 Christian Slater, New York City, NY, actor / producer (Heathers, FernGuly, Windtalkers, Hollow Man 2, Beaking In)
  • 1970 Malcolm Jamal Warner, Jersey City, New Jersey, actor (Cosby Show, The Tuskegee Airmen, Jeremiah, Community, Reed Between the Lines, Sons of Anarchy)
  • 1974 Nicole Krauss, New York City, NY, author (Man Walks Into a Room, The History of Love, Great House)
  • 1977 Mizuo Peck, New York City, NY, actress (Sacagawea in Night at the Museum movies)
  • 1994 Jessie Flower, Southern Indiana, voice actress (Toph Bei Fong in animated television series Avatar: The Last Airbender)

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To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often. – Winston Churchill

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1587 Virginia Dare, granddaughter of Governor John White of the Colony of Roanoke, becomes the first English child born in the Americas.
  • 1590 John White, the governor of the Colony of Roanoke, returns from a supply-trip to England and finds his settlement deserted.
  • 1868 French astronomer Pierre Jules César Janssen discovers helium in solar spectrum during eclipse.
  • 1903 German engineer Karl Jatho allegedly flies his self-made, motored gliding airplane four months before the first flight of the Wright Brothers.
  • 1904 Belle Isle Aquarium opened in the U.S. This facility is the oldest, continuously running aquarium in America. Several other institutions opened earlier but since have closed or moved to multiple different buildings. Belle Isle Aquarium is still in its original building and site as the one in which it opened.
  • 1920 19th Amendment to US constitution passes, guaranteeing women’s suffrage.
  • 1938 Thousand Islands Bridge, connecting New York with Ontario, Canada over the St. Lawrence River, dedicated by President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
  • 1960 First oral contraceptive marketed by the Searle Drug Company in America.
  • 1971 Australia and New Zealand decide to withdraw their troops from Vietnam.
  • 1992 Wang Laboratories files for bankruptcy.
  • 2000 A Federal jury finds the US EPA guilty of discrimination against Dr. Marsha Coleman-Adebayo, under the Civil Rights Act of 1964, later inspiring passage of the No FEAR Act (in defense of “whistle-blowers”).
  • 2005 Dennis Rader is sentenced to 175 years in prison for the BTK serial killings.

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Two mice who live in a movie studio warehouse are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

“What did you find?”

“I’m not sure. It looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see … Ah, yes. It’s ‘Gone with the Wind.'”

“And how is it?”

“The book was better.”

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A nine-year-old boy asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed, but said that she would make
a list and he would have to pack what was on her list.

Mom’s list:
Sandwich;
Apple;
Pretzels;
Milk and
A vegetable.

What he packed:
(Ice cream) sandwich;
(Caramel) apple
(Chocolate-covered) pretzels (with sprinkles on top);
(Chocolate) milk and
A bag of (candy) corn

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ONE-LINERS:

~ A good neighbor is one that lets his grass grow as tall as yours.
~ Camping: Where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
~ Carrying a grudge is exhausting.
~ Don’t borrow trouble. Be patient and you’ll soon have some of your own.
~ Every new morning brings us as much of God’s grace as we need for the day.
~ Fool-proof tip for self-improvement: Just follow all the advice you give everybody else.
~ I have so many problems that if a new one comes along today, it will be at least two weeks before I can worry about it.
~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.
~ Okay, so I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.
~ The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they’d hate to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.

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A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

A rancher rode past.

“Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town?”

“Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon,” called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

“How far to the next town?” the men asked him eagerly.

“Oh, a good two miles.”

A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. “Hey, how far’s the next town?”

“Not far,” was the encouraging answer, “only about two miles.”

“Well,” sighed the optimistic sergeant, “thank God, we’re holding our own, anyhow!”

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A doctor said to his car mechanic, “You charge more per hour then we get paid for medical care.”

“Yeah, Doc, but you have always the same model; it hasn’t changed since Adam. We have to keep up to date with new models coming every year.”
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pic of the day: Pink Summer Rose

pink rose bloom
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”
The Engineer replies, “In the region of $325,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer enquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?”
The Engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

And the interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
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One day in the army I was assigned KP (kitchen) duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight’s dinner. I told him I didn’t know how to make soup. He quickly handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.

Soon after I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.

Instead the sergeant said, “This tastes really good…are you sure you followed the recipe?”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ A burglar who fell into wet concrete became a hardened criminal.
* He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
~ I saw a Broadway show about puns. It was the ultimate play on words.
* A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
~ If a grizzly bear had no teeth, would you call it a gummy bear?
* He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
~ It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they always take things literally.
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One of Microsoft’s finest technicians was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, “It’s leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!”

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After a worship service, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.

About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, “If you don’t be quiet, Pastor is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!”
It worked.
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The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The kid replied, “Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

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One day a child at my four-year-old’s preschool class told her classmates that she needed a ‘damp towel.’

Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her.

The teacher stepped in to explain, “If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?”

A little girl blurted out, “She means she wants that towel right now!”

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There was a case in one hospital’s Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery… as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays.

So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11… Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Is there a Christmas witch? La Befana, a kindly witch, rides a broomstick down the chimney to deliver toys into the stockings of Italian children. The legends say that Befana was sweeping her floors when the three Wise Men stopped and asked her to come to see the Baby Jesus. “No,” she said, “I am too busy.” Later, she changed her mind but it was too late. So, to this day, she goes out on Christmas Eve searching for the Holy Child, leaving gifts for the “holy child” in each household.

~Why did Orwell set 1984 in that particular year? Originally Orwell titled the book The Last Man in Europe, but his publisher, suggested a change to assist in the book’s marketing. The reasons for the current title is not absolutely known. In fact, Orwell may have only switched the last two digits of the year in which he wrote the book (1948). Alternatively, he may have been making an allusion to the centenary of the Fabian Society, a socialist organization founded in 1884. The allusion may have also been directed to Jack London’s novel The Iron Heel (in which the power of a political movement reaches its height in 1984), to G. K. Chesterton’s The Napoleon of Notting Hill (also set in that year), or to a poem that his wife, Eileen O’Shaughnessy, had written, called End of the Century, 1984.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . It doesn’t matter how many say it cannot be done or how many people have tried it before; it’s important to realize that whatever you’re doing, it’s your first attempt at it.  – Wally Amos

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