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August 19th

Everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. – Leo Tolstoy


TODAY – AUGUST 19th

231st day of the year (232nd in leap years) days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Bow Day
~ National Aviation Day
~ World Humanitarian Day
~ National Hot & Spicy Food Day (after which you might need…)
~ National Soft Ice Cream Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1871 Orville Wright, Dayton, Ohio, aviator (Wright Brothers)
  • 1902 Ogden Nash, Rye, New York, humorous poet (I’m a Stranger Here Myself)
  • 1906 Philo T. Farnsworth, Utah, inventor (electronic TV, Farnsworth–Hirsch Fusor)
  • 1909 Joseph G(ilbert) Hoffman, American physicist and biophysicist (Manhattan Project, atomic isotopes used to the battle cancer)
  • 1919 Malcolm Forbes, Brooklyn, New York, publisher (Forbes magazine)
  • 1921 Gene Roddenberry, El Paso, Texas, executive producer (Star Trek)
  • 1935 F. Story Musgrave, Boston, Maryland, doctor, retired astronaut (STS 6, 51-F, 33, 44, 61, 80) and public speaker
  • 1938 Diana Muldaur, NYC, New York, actress (McCloud, Star Trek Next Generation, LA Law)
  • 1939 Alan Baker, British mathematician (Transcendental Number Theory)
  • 1942 Fred Thompson, Sheffield, Alabama, politician and actor (Senator from TN 1994-2003/ Law & Order, Life on Mars), (d. 2015)
  • 1944 Charles Wang, Chinese-born philanthropist (co-founder of Computer Associates International)
  • 1946 William Jefferson “Bill” Clinton, Hope, Arkansas, 42nd US President (D, 1993-01)
  • 1947 Gerald McRaney, Collins, Mississippi, actor (Simon and Simon, Major Dad, Deadwood, Jericho, Longmire, Focus, Agent X, House of Cards)
  • 1952 Jonathan Frakes, Bellefont, PA, actor / director (Commander William T Riker on Star Trek NG; Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction?, Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy)
  • 1965 Kyra Sedgwick, New York City, New York, actress (The Closer, Singles, Something to Talk About, Phenomenon, Brooklyn Nine-Nine)
  • 1965 Kevin Dillon, Mamaroneck, New York, actor (Platoon, The Blob, The Doors, Entourage, TripTank)
  • 1988 Travis Tedford, Rockwall, Texas, actor (Spanky in The Little Rascals film, A Bug’s Life, The Thirteenth Floor, The Amanda Show, Freaky Friday, The Final)

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It is no profit to have learned well, if you neglect to do well. – Publilius Syrus

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1612 The “Samlesbury witches”, three women from the Lancashire village of Samlesbury, England, are put on trial, accused for practising witchcraft, one of the most famous witch trials in English history.
  • 1848 New York Herald breaks the news to the East Coast of the United States of the gold rush in California (although the rush started in January).
  • 1934 The first All-American Soap Box Derby is held in Dayton, Ohio.
  • 1960 Francis Gary Powers convicted of spying by USSR (U-2 incident).
  • 1960 Sputnik 5 carries dogs Belka and Strelka, 40 mice, 2 rats and a variety of plants into orbit (later recovered alive).
  • 1990 Leonard Bernstein conducts his final concert, ending with Ludwig van Beethoven’s Symphony No. 7.
  • 1991 Collapse of the Soviet Union, August Coup: Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev is placed under house arrest while on holiday in the town of Foros, Crimea.
  • 1991 Hurricane Bob hits the Northeast, United States.
  • 2003 A car-bomb attack on United Nations headquarters in Iraq kills the agency’s top envoy Sergio Vieira de Mello and 21 other employees.
  • 2005 The first-ever joint military exercise between Russia and China, called Peace Mission 2005 begins.
  • 2010 Operation Iraqi Freedom ends, with the last of the United States brigade combat teams crossing the border to Kuwait.
  • 2017  Tens of thousands of farmed non-native Atlantic salmon are accidentally released into the wild in Washington waters in the 2017 Cypress Island Atlantic salmon pen break.

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It’s a fine spring day. A man is driving cheerfully along a picturesque road, which winds through the lazy countryside.

Suddenly, from around the next curve, a car barrels toward him in his lane. He brakes hard, and as it swerves past, the woman driver screams at him, “Pig! Pig!!”

Furious, he shouts back at her, “You old sow!”

Pleased with himself, he drives around the next curve and runs smack into a pig.

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The service was about to start. Everyone was in their pews chatting about their families, jobs, etc. when suddenly Satan appeared in the front of the church.

Panic ensued. In their rush to get out the back doors, people jumped over pews, trampled one another, and flew through the doors at record speeds. When the dust settled the only ones in the auditorium are Satan and one older gentleman, who did not seem at all concerned that Satan was standing directly in front of him.

Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, “Do you know who I am?”

To which the older gentleman replied, “Yup. Sure do.”

Satan: “Aren’t you afraid of me?”

Older gentleman: “Nope, sure ain’t.”

Satan was quite perturbed at this so he got right in the man’s face and asked, “And would you mind telling me why not?”

The older gentleman replied, “Been married to your sister for 48 years.”

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ONE-LINERS: Life Philosophies . . .

~ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~ Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it.
~ Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away – and barefoot.

~ My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
~ Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
~ If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried.

~ Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
~ It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
~ For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

~ A closed mouth gathers no feet.
~ If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
~ Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

~ Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
~ Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
~ A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

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A guy walks into a bar and demands to know “Who’s the strongest in here?”

The toughest guy looks at him and says “I am the strongest around here!”

The other guy politely asks “Can you help me push my car to the gas station?”

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Mom: “Don’t let me ever catch you doing that again!”
Kid: “I’ll try, but you’re so quiet sometimes.”
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pic of the day: Lamb in a box..

black and white lamb
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An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.

His family was fond of the legs for dinner and there were never enough for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together: “Well I finally did it. I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”

They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

“I don’t know” said the farmer. “I could never catch the dang thing!”
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A minister in a little church announced: “Before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin’s hen house please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
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WARNING! PUN ZONE! Southerner’s Medical Dictionary . . .

Artery………………………… The study of paintings
Bacteria…………………….. Back door to cafeteria
Barium………………………. What doctors do when patients die

Benign………………………. What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section…… A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan…………………… Searching for Kitty

Cauterize………………….. Made eye contact with her
Colic………………………….A sheep dog
Coma………………………. A punctuation mark

Dilate……………………….. To live long
Enema……………………….Not a friend
Fester………………………. Quicker than someone else

Fibula………………………. A small lie
Impotent……………………Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain…………….. Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff…………… A Doctor’s cane
Morbid……………………… A higher offer
Nitrates…………………….. Cheaper than day rates

Node………………………….. I knew it
Outpatient………………… A person who has fainted
Pelvis…………….. ………. Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative………… A letter carrier
Recovery Room………. Place to do upholstery
Rectum…………………….. hit his car

Secretion………………….. Hiding something
Seizure…………………… Roman emperor
Tablet……………………… A small table

Terminal Illness………. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor……………………… One plus one more
Urine……………………….. Opposite of you’re out
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A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she like the game.

“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!'”

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A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, “Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog and it has eliminated all our visibility.”

The passengers were numb with fear, except for one – a retired minister. “Now, now, keep calm,” he said. “Let’s all bow our heads and pray.”

Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray, except one man. “Why aren’t you bowing your head to pray?” the minister asked.
“I don’t know how to pray,” replied the passenger.

“Well, just do something religious!” instructed the minister.

The man got up and passed his hat down the aisle, taking an offering.

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On Sunday, the new young pastor arrived at church and found only an old farmer had shown up.

After waiting a while, the disappointed the pastor remarked to the old farmer, “Well, it appears no one else is coming, so we should probably cancel service today”

The farmer, dressed in his Sunday best, looked at the young preacher and said, “Well pastor, I don’t know much ’bout preachin’, but I do know something bout farmin’ and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I’d still feed ’em”.

This excited the young preacher who preached for the next 45 minutes a fierce fire and brimstone sermon. Afterwards the pastor asked the old farmer what he thought.

The old farmer remarked, “Well pastor, I don’t know much bout preachin’, but I do know somethin’ ’bout farmin’ and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I wouldn’t give ’em the whole bale.”
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An urgent call was put in for a plumber at noon but he didn’t arrive until 5 hours later.

“How is it?” he asked entering the house.

“Not so bad,” replied the home owner. “While we were waiting for you to arrive, I taught my wife how to swim.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Why do mama cats purr?
Kittens are born both blind and deaf, but the vibration of their mother’s purring is a physical signal that the kittens can feel – it acts like a homing device, signaling them to nurse.

~ Why do we call them “sundaes?”
In the late 1890s, soda pop was a new invention and many people considered it as sinful as liquor. Evanston, Illinois passed a law saying it was illegal to drink soda on Sundays because preachers felt sinners would spend the Sabbath in soda parlors instead of church. To get around this law, the Sundae was invented: take an ice cream soda and remove the soda and you have a sundae. It was originally spelled Sunday but was changed to avoid being sacrilegious.

~ Why do fish travel in schools?
Fish travel in schools for protection (a large school of fish may be ignored by predators looking for a lone straggler) and also for feeding (mackerel, for instance, hunt together). All the fish in a school of fish are not related to one another but are often (but not always) the same species. Fish in a school may be of different species, but they are usually the same size (much like the students in a human school hang out with kids their own size). Larger and smaller fish break away to form their own schools.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Be entirely tolerant or not at all; follow the good path or the evil one. To stand at the crossroads requires more strength than you possess. – Heinrich Heine

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