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August 1st

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. – Thomas Jefferson


213th day of the year (214th in leap years) with 152 days to  follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Colorado Statehood Day
~ International Mahjong Day
~ National Girlfriends Day
~ National Minority Donor Awareness Day
~ National Raspberry Cream Pie Day
~ Respect for Parents Day
~ World Scout Scarf Day
~ Lammas Day (festival to mark the annual wheat and corn harvest; also marked the mid-point between the summer solstice and autumn equinox, and a cross-quarter day)


  • 1770 William Clark, Charlottesville, Virginia, Lewis & Clark Expedition
  • 1779 Francis Scott Key, Carroll Co. Maryland, lawyer/composer (Star-Spangled Banner)
  • 1819 Herman Melville, New York City, New York, author (Moby Dick, Billy Budd)
  • 1933 Dom DeLuise, Brooklyn, New York, comedian, actor (End, Cannonball Run, Fatso)
  • 1936 Yves Saint-Laurent, French fashion designer (Opium, Obsession)
  • 1945 Douglas D. Osheroff, Aberdeen, Washington, physicist (Nobel Prize / superfluidic nature Helium-3)
  • 1946 Richard O Covey, Fayetteville, Arkansas, USAF astronaut (STS 51-I, STS-26, STS-38, STS-61)
  • 1963 Koichi Wakata, Japanese astronaut and engineer (STS-72, STS-92, STS-119, Expedition 18, Expedition 19, Expedition 20, STS-127, Soyuz TMA-11M (Expedition 38/39))
  • 1969 David Wain, Shaker Heights, Ohio, actor (Role Models, Wet Hot American Summer, The State, Children’s Hospital, Dog Days)
  • 1973 Tempestt Bledsoe, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Vanessa on Cosby Show, Dance ‘Til Dawn, ParaNorman, Guys with Kids)
  • 1979 Jason Momoa, Honolulu, Hawaii, actor (Baywatch, Stargate Atlantis, Conan the Barbarian, Bullet to the Head, The Red Road, Sugar Mountain, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Aquaman)
  • 1993 Leon Thomas III, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Victorious, Sins of Our Youth, Satisfaction, Runaway Island, Web of Spies)
  • 1998 Khamani Griffin, Oakland, California, actor (All of Us, Ni Hao Kai-Lan, Rise of the Guardians, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2)

“But better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.” – Khaled Hosseini


  • 1774 Joseph Priestly discovers oxygen (which he called “dephlogisticated air”).
  • 1876 Colorado is admitted as the 38th U.S. state.
  • 1902 The United States buys the rights to the Panama Canal from France.
  • 1941 The first Jeep is produced.
  • 1944 Anne Frank makes the last entry in her diary.
  • 1957 US and Canada form the North American Air Defense Command (NORAD).
  • 1981 MTV premiers at 12:01 AM (first video played was “Video Killed The Radio Star” by the Buggles).
  • 1995 The first Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is held at the Plaza Hotel in New York City.
  • 1996 Michael Johnson breaks the 200m world record by 0.30 seconds with a time of 19.32 seconds at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia.
  • 2001 Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore has a 2-1/2 ton Ten Commandments monument installed in the rotunda of the judiciary building, leading to a lawsuit to have it removed and his own removal from office.
  • 2007 The I-35W Mississippi River Bridge spanning the Mississippi River in Minneapolis, Minnesota, collapses during the evening rush hour.
  • 2008 Eleven mountaineers from international expeditions died on K2, the second-highest mountain on Earth in the worst single accident in the history of K2 mountaineering.


Patricia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils.
One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field.
Patricia approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said that she was.

Some time later, however, Patricia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself. Going up to her again, Patricia inquired, ‘Would you like me to be your friend?’
The girl hesitated, then said, ‘Alright,’ while looking at Patricia with some suspicion.’
Feeling she was making progress, Pat then asked, ‘Why are you standing here all alone?’
‘Because,’ the girl said with a large sigh, ‘I’m the goalie!’


Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree.
He shouted, “Good morning, Mr. Crow.”

Mr. Crow shouted back down, “Good morning, Mr. Rabbit.”
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, “Whata ya doin’ today?” and the answer shouted back down was, “Absolutely nothin’ Mr. Rabbit! Absolutely nothin’ and loving it.”

Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit. So he shouted back up, “Do you think I could do that too?”
Mr. Crow shouted back down, “I don’t see why not!”

Well, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began doing absolutely nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.

The moral of the story: You can get away with doing absolutely nothing, but only if you’re really high up.

HEADLINES or “Proofreading, the Dying Art”

~ Miners Refuse to Work after Death
~ Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
~ Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

~ War Dims Hope for Peace
~ Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
~ Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

~ Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
~ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
~ If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

~ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
~ Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
~ Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

~ Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
~ Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
~ New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

~ Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
~ Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
~ Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

An Irishman, a Mexican and an airhead guy were doing work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage ! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building”
The Mexican opens his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The airhead opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.
The airhead guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the airhead’s wife….
“Hey, don’t look at me,” she said “he made his own lunch.”


~ You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
~ The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle but says nothing.
~ The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

~ You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
~ It’s bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don’t realize it till you walk across your living room rug.
~ You’ve cut your finger and no matter how you pull, rip, and scream the Band-Aid won’t open.

~ You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
~ Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
~ After a turn on to a busy street, you drive five blocks before you notice your turn signal is still blinking.

PIC OF THE DAY: Mail Pouch Barn in West Virginia
barn with Mail Pouch Tobacco sign

A lawyer awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him.

“Why are the curtains closed?” he asked. “Is it night?”

A nurse replied, “No, it is just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful.”

The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. “How are you feeling?” the visitor asked.

“Oh,” said the lady, “I’m just worried sick!”

“What are you worried about, dear?” her friend asked. “You look like you’re in good health. They are taking care of you, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are taking very good care of me.”

“Are you in any pain?” she asked.

“No, I have never had a pain in my life.”

“Well, what are you worried about?” her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. “Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I’m afraid they’re all wondering where I went.”


Niall and Ethan are two young lads from Shannon and they are lost in the Sahara desert. They’re only desperate for water, but just as they think they’re about to die, they chance upon an oasis where market day appears to be in full swing.
They go to the first stall they see, and Niall asks if they can buy some water.
“No,” replies the Bedouin stall owner, “I only sell fruit. Try the next stall.”

So off they stagger to the next stall and this time Ethan asks for some water.
“Sorry,” says the merchant, “But I only sell custard.”
“Custard! Custard?” splutter the two.

Niall turns to Ethan and shouts angrily, “What kind of crazy place is this?”
By now totally desperate, they go to the next stall, only to be told, “Sorry, but I only sell jelly.”
Hearing this, Ethan says to Niall and speaks through clenched teeth, “Bejabbers, Niall – this is a trifle bazaar.”

A lawyer, doctor, and preacher went hunting together. When a prize buck ran past them they all fired at the exact same moment and the buck dropped.
However, there was only one bullet hole and they didn’t know which of them shot it. So they took it to the registration center, not knowing who should tag it.

The agent said, “Let me look at the deer. Sometimes I can figure it out.”
He asked a few questions, examined the deer carefully, and declared, “The preacher shot this buck!”
Amazed, they all asked how he knew. Stooping down he pointed out the wound, “See here. It went in one ear and out the other.”

Daughter: “Dad, when will I be old enough to go to the movies with a boy?”
Dad: “When you’re a year older than your brother.”

The daughter thought for a moment and replied: “But I’ll never be older than my brother, he was born first.”
Dad: “I guess there’s your answer. But don’t blame me, go talk to your brother.”

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.”
“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…”
“No!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”
“Oh no! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, Brenda… no.”
“Fact is, he got out three times to use the bathroom.”

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question. “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?”

A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy.

“Really?! How do you know?” the teacher asked.

“You know – ‘Our Father, who does art in Heaven…”

TODAY IN TRIVIA: How many versions of The Scream did Munch paint? 
There is a tempera on cardboard version (measuring 83.5 x 66 cm) formerly in the Munch Museum, Oslo, Norway, and an oil, tempera, and pastel on cardboard (measuring 91 x 73.5 cm) in the National Gallery, also in Oslo. A third version is also owned by the Munch Museum, and a fourth is owned by Petter Olsen. Munch later also translated the picture into a lithograph, so the image could be reproduced in reviews all over the world.

~ How did the Black Mission fig get its name?
The Black Mission fig, the most popular variety of fig growing in desert areas, is so named because of its color and because it was the variety introduced at the California and Southwestern Spanish missions.

~ How long did it take for Gutenberg to print his bibles? It took three years of constant printing to complete Johann Gutenberg’s famous Bible, which appeared in 1455 in two volumes, and had 1,284 pages. He reportedly printed 200 Bibles, of which 47 still exist.

~ Are women or men more apt to be colorblind?
While 7 men in 100 have some form of colorblindness, only 1 woman in 1,000 suffers from it. The most common form of color blindness is a red-green deficiency.

~ Why is there a moon cut-out on an outhouse door? Cut-outs of a moon and a star were used in colonial times on outhouse doors to designate the gender of the intended user. Originally, the moon cut-out was for women and the star was for the men. But men’s outhouses were usually such a mess that men preferred using the women’s outhouses. So, eventually the use of stars were phased out.
QUIP OF THE DAY: I have never killed anyone, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction – Clarence Darrow


Thought for the day. . . Make a game of finding something positive in every situation. Ninety-five percent of your emotions are determined by how you interpret events to yourself. – Brain Tracy

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