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August 21st

You just have to be happy. If you are, everything else will fall into place. – Emily Osment

TODAY – AUGUST 21st

233rd day of the year (234th in leap years) with 132 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Spumoni Day
~ Senior Citizen’s Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1816 Charles Frédéric Gerhardt, French chemist (notation for chemical formulas, synthesized acetylsalicylic acid (ASA/ aspirin))
  • 1879 Claude Grahame-White, English pioneer of aviation (first to make night flight)
  • 1920 Christopher Robin Milne, England, inspiration for the Winnie-the-Pooh stories
  • 1936 Wilt Chamberlain, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, basketball player & author (considered one of the greatest players in NBA history)
  • 1937 Robert Stone, Brooklyn, New York, author (Dog Soldiers/ filmed as Who’ll Stop the Rain)
  • 1938 Kenny Rogers, Houston, Texas, singer and actor
  • 1949 Loretta Devine, Houston, Texas, actress (Boston Public, Grey’s Anatomy, The Carmichael Show, The Lost Souls Cafe)
  • 1973 Sergey Brin, Moscow, Russian-American computer scientist (Co-founder of Google)
  • 1975 Alicia Witt, Worcester, Massachusetts, actress (Cybill, Urban Legend, Justified, Nashville)
  • 1999 Maxim Knight, Honolulu, Hawaii, actor (Al’s Beef, Slaughter, Falling Skies, Medeas)

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It is wisdom to believe the heart. – George Santayana
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1831 Nat Turner leads black slaves and free blacks in a rebellion.
  • 1888 The first successful adding machine in the United States is patented by William Seward Burroughs.
  • 1911 The Mona Lisa is stolen by a Louvre employee.
  • 1959 President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs an executive order proclaiming Hawaii the 50th state of the union. Hawaii’s admission is currently commemorated by Hawaii Admission Day.
  • 1961 Motown releases what would be its first #1 hit, “Please Mr. Postman” by The Marvelettes.
  • 1968 James Anderson, Jr. posthumously receives the first Medal of Honor to be awarded to an African American U.S. Marine.
  • 1986 Carbon dioxide gas erupts from volcanic Lake Nyos in Cameroon, killing up to 1,800 people within a 20-kilometer range.
  • 1993 NASA loses contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft.
  • 2017 Great American Eclipse traverses the continental United States.

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My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.

“But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplaceable.”
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Dumb Crooks

A bungling burglar in the USA has been arrested after he left his mobile phone on charge at the house of one of his victims. The man was disturbed while rifling through rooms in the house in Washington DC and jumped out of a window to escape.
Police searched the house later and were surprised to find a cell phone, that didn’t belong to anyone at the house, charging in a socket.
Officers called one of the numbers in his contacts, told them the phone owner had been involved in an accident and asked for his name. That led to the 25 year old man being arrested and later charged with ten burglaries.
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ONE-LINERS: Life Philosophies . . .
~ Life is just a phase you’re going through…you’ll get over it.
~ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~ Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’ll be a mile away – and barefoot.

~ If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried.
~ My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
~ Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

~ It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
~ Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
~ For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

~ A closed mouth gathers no feet.
~ If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
~ Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

~ Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
~ A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
~ Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
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Dotty came into the office all aflutter about her husband, “You won’t believe this, Terry, but Dewey took a fishing pole into the bathroom and tossed the hook into the tub.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” gasped Terry. “Don’t you think you should take him to a psychiatrist?”
“No time,” replied Dotty with a shrug. “I’m too busy cleaning fish.”
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NATIONAL SPUMONI DAY
National Spumoni Day!
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An unidentified English woman, according to the Sunday Express was climbing into the bathtub one afternoon when she remembered she had left some crumpets in the oven.
Naked, she dashed downstairs and was removing the crumpets when she heard a noise at the door. Thinking it was the baker, and knowing he would come in and leave a loaf of bread on the kitchen table if she didn’t answer his knock, the woman darted into the broom cupboard.

A few moments later she heard the back door open and, to her eternal mortification, the sound of footsteps coming toward the cupboard. It was the man from the gas company, come to read the meter.
“Oh,” stammered the woman, “I was expecting the baker.” The gas man blinked, excused himself and departed.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
In my town, all the playground equipment is pretty safe for kids to play on except for the rusty old slides at Larch Park.
Moral: “Beware the slides of Larch!”
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The couple’s young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To her mother’s distress, the cat began to use the back of their new sofa as a scratching post.
“Don’t worry,” her husband reassured her. “I’ll have him trained in no time.”

They watched for several days as he patiently “trained” their new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, he deposited the cat outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
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A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack.
“Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second tee and he’s coming to help you.”

“Well how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.
“No time at all. Everybody’s agreed to let him play through.”
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“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,” said Tracy the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”
“Good, what are we having for breakfast,” said Dewey, the new husband.
“Toast and juice,” Tracy replied.
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An interesting oddity . . .
I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability transcendentalizes intercommunication’s
incomprehensibleness.
(And that is the longest known ‘meaningful’ sentence where each word is one letter longer than the previous one.)
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is spumoni? It’s a kind of ice cream with different colors and flavors in layers, and often made with bits of fruit and nuts.

~ What were the names of Jack’s victims? Mary Anne Nichols, Martha Turner, Annie Chapman, Elizabeth Stride, and Catherine Eddowes were London prostitutes who were murdered and dismembered by the notorious “Jack the Ripper” in the autumn of 1888. The perpetrator of these chilling atrocities was never found, although many theories as to his/her identity persist to this day.

~ What were British postmen named? Postmen in Victorian England were popularly called “robins.” This was because their uniforms were red. The British Post Office grew out of the carrying of royal dispatches. Red was considered a royal color, so uniforms and letter-boxes were red. Christmas cards often showed a robin delivering Christmas mail.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, ‘Cheer up, things could get worse.’ And sure enough…

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits. – Thomas Edison

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