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August 25th

“Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn’t carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life.” – Stephen King


237th day of the year (238th in leap years) with 128 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Banana Split Day
~ National Kiss and Make Up Day
~ National Park Service Founders Day
~ National Secondhand Wardrobe Day
~ National Whiskey Sour Day

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. – William Arthur Ward, college administrator, writer


  • 1819 Allan Pinkerton, Glasgow, Scotland, American private detective (created Pinkerton Agency)
  • 1900 Hans Adolf Krebs, German physician and biochemist (discovered the urea cycle and the citric acid cycle/ Krebs cycle)
  • 1910 Dorothea Tanning, Galesburg, Illinois, painter (Eine kleine Nachtmusik)
  • 1913 Walt Crawford Kelly, Jr., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, animator and cartoonist (Pogo)
  • 1916 Frederick Chapman Robbins, Auburn, Alabama, pediatrician and virologist (Nobel / isolation & growth of polio virus)
  • 1918 Leonard Bernstein, Lawrence, Massachusetts, conductor, composer, pianist (New York Philharmonic)
  • 1921 Monty Hall, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, TV game show host (Let’s Make a Deal)
  • 1930 Sean Connery, Scottish actor (James Bond, Man Who Would Be King, The Untouchabes, The Hunt for Red October, Highlander, Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade, Dragonheart)
  • 1931 Regis Philbin, New York, New York, host (Joey Bishop Show, Live with Regis & Kathie Lee, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Crowd Goes Wild)
  • 1938 Frederick Forsyth, English author (Day of the Jackal, Odessa File, The Fourth Protocol, The Kill List)
  • 1949 John Savage, Old Bethpage, New York, actor / producer (The Deer Hunter, The Onion Field, Salvador, Dark Angel, Texas Heart)
  • 1958 Tim Burton, Burbank, California, director, producer, and screenwriter (Beetlejuice, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Sleepy Hollow)
  • 1960 Ashley Crow, Birmingham, Alabama, actress (Heroes, The Secret Circle, Little Paradise)
  • 1961 Billy Ray Cyrus, Flatwoods, Kentucky, singer and actor (Achy Breaky Heart, Hannah Montana)
  • 1962 David Packer, Passaic, New Jersey, actor (V, Big Al, Strange Days, True Crime, Infested)
  • 1966 Robert Maschio, New York, New York, actor (As The World Turns, Dr. Todd on Scrubs)
  • 1968 Rachael Ray, Glens Falls, New York, cook and television host
  • 1974 Eric Millegan,Hackettstown, New Jersey, actor (Dr. Zack Addy on Bones)
  • 1976 Jensen Atwood, Los Angeles, California, actor (Noah’s Arc, Dante’s Cove)
  • 1977 Jonathan Togo, Rockland, Massachusetts, actor (CSI: Miami, Somebody Up There Likes Me, Covert Affairs)
  • 1981 Rachel Bilson, Los Angeles, actress (The O.C., The Last Kiss, Jumper, Hart of Dixie)
  • 1987 Blake Lively, Los Angeles, California, actress (The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Gossip Girl, Green Lantern, Savages, The Age of Adaline)
  • 1998 China Anne McClain, Decatur, Georgia, actress and singer (Tyler Perry’s House of Payne, A.N.T. Farm., Daddy’s Little Girls, Descendants: Wicked World)


Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


  • 1609 Galileo Galilei demonstrates his first telescope to Venetian lawmakers.
  • 1814 Washington, D.C. is burned and White House is destroyed by British forces during the War of 1812.
  • 1916 The United States National Park Service is created.
  • 1944 Paris liberated from Nazi occupation.
  • 1981 Voyager 2 spacecraft makes its closest approach to Saturn
  • 1989 Voyager 2 spacecraft makes its closest approach to Neptune, the outermost planet in the Solar System.
  • 2003 The Tli Cho land claims agreement is signed between the Dogrib First Nations and the Canadian federal government in Rae-Edzo (now called Behchoko).
  • 2012 Voyager 1 spacecraft enters interstellar space becoming the first man-made object to do so.
  • 2017 Hurricane Harvey makes landfall in Texas as a powerful Category 4 hurricane, the strongest hurricane to make landfall in the United States since 2004. Over the next few days, the storm causes catastrophic flooding throughout much of eastern Texas, killing 106 people and causing $125 billion in damage.


A large, two-engined train was making its way across America. While crossing the Western mountains, one of the engines broke down. “No problem, we can make it to Denver and get a replacement engine there,” the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill in the middle of nowhere.

The engineer needed to inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and always trying to look on the bright side of things, made the following announcement: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time until the additional engines arrive. The good news is that you didn’t take this trip in a plane!”


A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large group and said “Where would man be today if it were not for woman?”

She paused a moment and looked around the room. “I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?”

From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating fruit.”


ONE-LINERS: The Modern Toolbox

* Cordless Telephone – The handyman’s 911.

* Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.

* Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.

* Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.

* Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

* Multi-Pliers – Contains a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools. Best left in its leather sheath and worn on a homeowners belt to increase testosterone levels.

* Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.

* Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.

* Halogen Light – A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

* Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice.

* Chainsaw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.

* Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing the power of your mother-in-laws nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.

An Ode to Old Age

There’s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn’t begin at 40. That’s a big fat lie.
My hair’s getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.

I smell of Vick’s-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker’s all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I’ll know, But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I’m off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my name’s not there, I’ll once again start –
Perfecting the art of falling apart


The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.

“What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?”

“I don’t have to laugh,” she replied. “I’m leaving Friday.”


pic of the day: Hen & Chicks Roosting in Tree at Night

Hen and chicks roosting in tree

Thrill of the Chase

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

You Know You Need A New Lawyer When:

– He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
– He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
– The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.

– During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
– During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
– Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.

– He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
– Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
– Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

– He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”
– He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
– He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said…”

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ”Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says ”I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?”’

”But why?” asks the man.
”I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.


It seems that an elephant got too close to all the baby ducks the circus had brought in for Easter and accidentally inhaled a bunch of them.

The poor elephant was choking on them and no one could help. Finally the trainer goosed him — and the elephant blew out a whole trunkful of downy feathers.

Yep! That’s what he gets for snorting quack.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”

Next day he received a hundred letters.They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”


A retiring pastor was saying farewell to his congregation at the church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said, “Your successor won’t be as good as you.”

“Nonsense,” said the pastor, in a flattered tone.

“No, really,” said the old lady, “I’ve been here under five different ministers, and each one has been worse than the last.”

Top Ten Ways to Tell You’re an Online Shopping Addict

10. People call you instead of using Amazon and eBay.

9.You have sixteen co-branded credit cards, and you only use each one for the online store it’s branded with.

8. You write nasty e-mails to Amazon every time their recommendation is slightly off from your true taste.

7. Every week your cat asks you to find him the cheapest Friskies online.

6. The FedEx truck is parked in front of your house for over an hour every day.

5. “Getting together to go shopping with friends” means sitting in your living room and connecting to the Internet
through FiOS.

4. You look down on people who shop in “brick and mortar” stores, and you haven’t been in one yourself since the late 90’s.

3. You have a constant supply of food and drinks arriving at your door so you don’t have to stop shopping. Of course, all of it was ordered online.

2. Your dog is authorized to sign for packages.

1. You’ve nodded to everything listed above, but you have an online shopping site open in another browser window RIGHT NOW.


As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate.

One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.

“How old are you?” I typed.

“Twelve,” he replied. “How old are you?”

Feeling my face redden, I answered, “Ten.”


Jill received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation.

“Is this some kind of mistake?” Jill asked when she got the doctor on the phone.

“No, not at all,” the doctor said calmly.

“Well,” said Jill, “that’s awfully costly for knocking someone out.”

“Not at all,” replied the doctor. “I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around.”


A man is usually more careful of his money than of his principles. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Today’s Trivia: Why do earthworms come up out of the ground when it rains? (Theory 1)
Simple, really, say some researchers. Earthworms breathe air, just like we do. They CAN breathe water (they breathe through their skin), but not for long periods of time. When it rains and the ground fills with water, they have to come out or they’d drown. Of course, they have to get back underground before too long, or the hot sun could dry them out, causing them to suffocate.

~ Why do earthworms come up out of the ground when it rains? (Theory 2)
Other scientists, however, say the worm-drowning theory is bunk. They say worms can live underground in water for weeks and speculate that the reason that worms come out after it rains is to mate or to look for different kinds of food. Since the rain has made the surface moist and humid, they can move around freely without fear of dehydrating.

~ What was the hairstyle guaranteed to turn a man’s head on an Egyptian lady?
In 1500 B.C. in Egypt, a shaved head was considered the ultimate in feminine beauty. Egyptian women removed every hair from their heads with special gold tweezers and polished their scalps to a high sheen with buffing cloths.

~ Why do chickens roost at night?
Chickens prefer to be up high off the ground when they sleep. They are sound sleepers and this keeps them safer from the clutches of predators at night. Chickens take their pecking order very seriously and those highest in the pecking order will grab the highest perches, leaving the lower (and therefore more vulnerable) spots to those lower in the flock order. (Backyard Poultry)
QUIP OF THE DAY: Stupidity is like nuclear power. It can be used for good or evil. But you still don’t want to get any on you.


Thought for the day. . . Each day is a new life. Seize it. Live it. – David Guy Powers

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