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August 26th

The moral test of a government is how it treats those who are at the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the aged; and those who are in the shadow of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped. – Hubert H. Humphrey


TODAY – AUGUST 26th

238th day of the year (239th in leap years) with 127 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Dog Day
~ National WebMistress Day
~ National Cherry Popsicle Day
~ National Women’s Equality Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1740 Joseph Montgolfier, French inventor (one of the inventors of montgolfière-style hot air balloon, globe aérostatique).
  • 1743 Antoine Lavoisier, French chemist (made first version of the law of conservation of mass, recognized and named oxygen and hydrogen)
  • 1873 Lee De Forest, Council Bluffs, Iowa, inventor (Audion vacuum (radio) tube)
  • 1906 Albert B. Sabin, Polish-American microbiologist (oral polio vaccine)
  • 1909 Jim Davis, Edgerton, Missouri, actor (Dallas)
  • 1910 Mother Teresa, Macedonian-Indian, Nobel Peace Prize winning Christian missionary (Blessed Teresa of Calcutta)
  • 1911 Otto Binder, Bessemer, Michigan, author (Captain Marvel Adventures, Unsolved Mysteries of the Past)
  • 1920 Brant Parker, Los Angeles, California, cartoonist (The Wizard of Id)
  • 1942 Vic Dana, Buffalo, New York, singer (If I Never Knew Your Name)
  • 1959 Kathryn P. Hire, Mobile, Alabama, Lt. Cmdr. USN/astronaut (STS-90, STS-130)
  • 1963 Stephen J. Dubner, Duanesburgh, New York, journalist and author (Freakonomics, SuperFreakonomics)
  • 1965 Chris Burke, Point Lookout, New York, actor with Down syndrome (Corky – Life Goes On)
  • 1980 Macaulay Culkin, New York City, New York, actor (Home Alone, My Girl, Richie Rich, The Jim Gaffigan Show)
  • 1980 Chris Pine, Los Angeles, California, actor (The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, Just My Luck, Rise of the Guardians, Star Trek remakes)
  • 1988 Evan Ross, Greenwich, Connecticut, actor (According to Greta, The Hunger Games, Wicked City)
  • 1988 Danielle Savre, Simi Valley, California, actress (Bring It On: All or Nothing, Wild for the Night)

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“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1748 The Pennsylvania Ministerium, the first Lutheran denomination in North America, is founded in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
  • 1789 Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen approved by National Assembly at Palace of Versailles.
  • 1791 A United States patent for the steamboat is granted to John Fitch.
  • 1858 First news dispatch by telegraph.
  • 1862 The Second Battle of Bull Run begins during the American Civil War.
  • 1883 Krakatoa erupts with increasingly large explosions and kills 36,000.
  • 1920 19th amendment takes effect, women’s suffrage granted.
  • 1957 The USSR announces the successful test of an ICBM – a “super long distance intercontinental multistage ballistic rocket … a few days ago,” according to the Soviet news agency, ITAR-TASS.
  • 1970 Led by Betty Friedan, the then new feminist movement leads a nation-wide Women’s Strike for Equality.
  • 1971 The United States Congress declares August 26th as an annual Women’s Equality Day.
  • 1978 As a result of a Papal conclave, Pope John Paul I is elected to the Papacy.
  • 1978 Sigmund Jähn becomes first German cosmonaut on board of the Soyuz 31 spacecraft.
  • 1987 President Ronald Reagan proclaims September 11, 1987 as 9-1-1 Emergency Number Day.

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Jack made his way through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy – Either way, you get your dog back!”
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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
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A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, “I’m a walking economy.”
His friend replies, “How’s that?”

“It’s like this — my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression.”
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ONE-LINERS: Ever Wonder?

~ If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
~ Why do we say something is out of whack? What’s a whack?
~ If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

~ If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
~ Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
~ When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Or do you get change?

~ Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
~ Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
~ Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person drives a race car not called a racist?

~ Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
~ Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
~ If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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An airhead calls to order a pizza. The clerk asks, “Do you want that cut in six or 12 pieces?”
The airhead answers, “Oh just six – I could never eat 12 pieces of pizza!”
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Golden Oldie… There’s this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me.
“When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing.

“I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.
“And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
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pic of the day: Maremma Sheepdog and Farm Collie

Maremma Sheepdog and Collie at gate
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A young salesperson peeped into the office of someone who looked like a sales manager, muttered something, then started walking away. After retreating a little he seemed to change his mind and headed back to the door — where after some hesitation, he started to back away again. The sales manager, feeling sorry for the young man, and surprised that he was so badly trained, called him in.
“You’re a salesperson aren’t you? What are you selling?”

“Sir … uh … yes … I’m a salesman. I’m sorry to bother you. I was selling insurance, but I’m sure you don’t want any. Sorry to have wasted your time.”
Feeling sorry for the young bungler, the sales manager bought two policies to give the young salesman some confidence and then started teaching him about selling. He said: “You should have different pre-planned approaches for different kinds of—”

“But I do, sir,” the young salesman interrupted, “the one I just used is my planned approach for sales managers. It always works. Thank you!”
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An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.
“The front row please,” she answered.

“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No,” he said.
“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“No,” she said.

“Good,” he answered, “Let me show you the front pew.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

“Doc,” the frustrated commuter complained, “I’m fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I’m going to explode.”
Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.

“What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?”
“No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common.”

“Tell me! What is it?”
“You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.”
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The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he’d dreamed of working since a young boy.
He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, “Listen, ‘sir’, it’s real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn’t come out even, don’t open the hatch.”
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A minister was talking to a children’s Sunday school class about the Old Testament story of the children who mocked Elisha on his journey to Bethel. For once, he had everyone’s attention, as he described how the youngsters taunted the poor old prophet and how they were punished: Two she-bears came out of the wild and ate 42 of them.”And now, children,” said the pastor, wondering whether he had gotten his point across, “what does this story show us?”

A little girl in the front raised her hand and said, “It shows how many children two she-bears can hold.”
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Little Johnny’s mom was worried. She hadn’t seen her elderly neighbor, Mrs. Goldbaum, in days.
She asked: “Johnny, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Goldbaum is?”
A few minutes later, Johnny returned.

Mom: “Well, is she all right?”
Johnny: “She’s fine, except that she’s mad at you.”

Mom: “At me? Whatever for?”
Johnny: “She said its none of your business how old she is.”
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A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day.

The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads.

The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader.
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TODAY’S TRIVIA: Who founded National Dog Day? Colleen Paige, pet lifestyle expert, founded National Dog Day in 2004.

~ What is the purpose of National Dog Day? To encourage dog ownership of all breeds. While seeking a new companion, be sure to consider the mutts, mixes, purebreds, and everything in between. Many animal shelters have an “Empty the Shelter” day trying to get all the dogs in their care adopted to furever homes.

~ What is a webmistress? This is a woman who designs, develops, markets and maintains websites. The term has existed since the mid-1990s. It officially entered technology’s lexicon in June of 1995. That month, Kat Valentine secured the domain name WebMistress.com. Taking the name a step further, Valentine then began web development under the job title WebMistress. Comparatively, the term WebMaster arrived on the scene as early as 1986, according to various classified ads.

~ What is the purpose of National WebMistress Day? This day was founded in June of 2016 to promote women in web design. Additionally, the day celebrates the legitimacy of the job title.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman – Maryon Pearson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done. – John Lubbock

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