Pages Menu
Rss
Categories Menu

August 8th

You may forget the one with whom you have laughed,
but never the one with whom you have wept.
— Khalil Gibran

TODAY – AUGUST 8th

220th day of the year (221st in leap years) with 145 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Happiness Happens Day (International)
~ International Cat Day
~ National Frozen Custard Day
~ National Zucchini Day
~ Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1814 Esther Morris, Tioga County, New York, suffragist and the first U. S. woman judge
  • 1879 Bob Smith, St. Johnsbury, Vermont, physician and surgeon (founder of Alcoholics Anonymous)
  • 1884 Sara Teasdale, St. Louis, Missouri, poet (1st Pulitzer Prize-1918-”Love Songs”)
  • 1896 Majorie Rawlings, Washington, D.C., author (The Yearling, Jacob’s Ladder, The Sojourner, The Secret River)
  • 1926 Richard Anderson, Long Branch, New Jersey, actor (The Six Million Dollar Man, The Bionic Woman, Kung Fu: The Legend Continues)
  • 1932 Mel Tillis, Tampa, Florida, country singer/stutterer (Who’s Julie, M-M-Mel)
  • 1937 Dustin Hoffman, Los Angeles, California, actor (Papillon, Marathon Man, Midnight Cowboy, Little Big Man, Lenny, All the President’s Men, Kramer vs. Kramer, Tootsie, Rain Man, Wag the Dog, Medici: Masters of Florence)
  • 1947 Larry Wilcox, San Diego, California, actor (CHiPs, 94 Feet)
  • 1949 Keith Carradine, San Mateo, California, actor (King Fu, Young Guns, Deadwood, Fargo, Madame Secretary)
  • 1950 Ken Kutaragi, Tokyo, Japan, Founder of PlayStation
  • 1976 Tawny Cypress, Point Pleasant, New Jersey, actress (Heroes, Unforgettable, The Blacklist)
  • 1977 Lindsay Sloane, Long Island, New York, actress (Bring It On, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Horrible Bosses, Playing House, The Odd Couple)

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.” – Marilyn Monroe
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1863 American Civil War: following his defeat in the Battle of Gettysburg, General Robert E. Lee sends a letter of resignation to Confederate President Jefferson Davis (which is refused upon receipt).
  • 1876 Thomas Edison receives a patent for his mimeograph.
  • 1908 Wilbur Wright makes his first flight at a racecourse at Le Mans, France. It is the Wright Brothers’ first public flight.
  • 1910The US Army installs the first tricycle landing gear on the Army’s Wright Flyer.
  • 1911 The millionth patent is filed in the United States Patent Office by Francis Holton for a tubeless vehicle tire.
  • 1945 The United Nations Charter is signed for the United States by President Harry S. Truman. The U.S. was the third nation to join.
  • 1974 Watergate scandal: U.S. President Richard Nixon announces his resignation, effective the next day.
  • 1989 Space Shuttle program: STS-28 Mission – Space Shuttle Columbia takes off on a secret five-day military mission.
  • 2000 Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley is raised to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor and 30 years after its discovery by undersea explorer E. Lee Spence and 5 years after being filmed by a dive team funded by novelist Clive Cussler.

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Little Johnny and his family were having a Sunday dinner at his grandmother’s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started to eat right away.

“Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer,” said his mother.
“I don’t need to,” the boy replied.

“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house, and she knows how to cook.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300 mph.

The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier hurtled over their heads. The boys in blue, upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have been more severe. The Harrier’s target-seeker had locked on to the ‘enemy’ radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack. Luckily, the Harrier was operating unarmed.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

ONE-LINERS: THINGS LEARNED WITH TIME . . .

~ I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
~ I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

~ I’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
~ I’ve learned that money doesn’t buy class.

~ I’ve learned that under someone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
~ I’ve learned you shouldn’t argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A woman who was a science fiction fan had all of her checks personalized with Star Wars character Han Solo (Harrison Ford) saying his famous line — ‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’.

Lots of people complimented her on how cool the checks were.

When those checks had all been used up, she had tired of Star Wars and ordered new checks with religious scenes from the Bible that the same company was offering.

Unfortunately, the Bible checks had room for a quote on them as well.

Some faceless computer or person on the company production line must have figured that she wanted to keep the same quote that she used before.

Well…..

NOW her checks have:
Moses parting the Red Sea saying:
‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’,

David stands in front of Goliath saying:
‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’

Noah is building his ark, also saying
‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’.

Moses coming down off Mt. Sinai with the ten commandments saying:
‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’.

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden captioned:
‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’.

Can you just imagine the reaction she gets now when she writes a check?

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Husband: It says in this article that high fructose corn syrup made me fat.
Wife: That’s ridiculous!

Husband: Okay, Miss know it all, If high fructose corn syrup didn’t make me fat, what did?
Wife: (drolly) Going back for thirds.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

WARNING! POTATO PUN ZONE!

Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.

How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.

What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It’s mashing!
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

“How’s your new diet going? Are you eating healthier breakfasts?”
“I’ve made oatmeal my cereal of choice, but I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough.”

“How long do you cook it?”
“Cook it?”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”
The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”
Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Dumb Crooks…

1. A man went into a drug store in Baltimore, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a “Hefty-bag” face mask over his head. He then and realized that he’d forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask. He was arrested by security men.

2. A Belgium news agency reported, last year, that a man suspected of robbing a jewellery store in Liege said he couldn’t have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time.

Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.

3. Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home

………… With the chain still attached to the machine
………… With their bumper still attached to the chain.
………… With their vehicle’s license plate still attached to the bumper. You couldn’t make it up!

~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her injection.
“No, no, no!” she screamed.

Lizzie, scolded her mother, “Lizzie, that’s not polite behavior.”
With that, the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”
“No thanks,” said the young man. “My father wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister said. “Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the load of hay.”
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*

TODAY IN TRIVIA: What’s a schoolkid’s favorite lunchbox treat? According to a survey of American mothers of school-age kids, 44 percent of elementary school children prefer a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich packed into their lunchbox. Their second sandwich choice is bologna, at 16 percent.

~ Would you find ‘thesaurus’ in a thesaurus? There is no synonym for thesaurus. The word is from Greek and means “a treasure.”

~ How has Orwell’s novel 1984 influenced modern language? Some of 1984’s phrases have entered into the English language. One such phrase is ‘Big Brother‘, as in ‘Big Brother is watching you’. Today, security cameras are often thought to be modern society’s big brother. The phrase ‘thought police’ is also derived from Nineteen Eighty-Four, and might be used to refer to any alleged violation of the right to the free expression of opinion. It is particularly used in contexts where free expression is proclaimed and expected to exist. The adjective Orwellian is mainly derived from the system depicted in Nineteen Eighty-Four. It can refer to any form of government oppression, but it is particularly used to refer to euphemistic and misleading language originating from government bodies with a political purpose.
~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~~*
QUIP OF THE DAY: “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.” – Douglas Adams

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Post a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.