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December 13th

Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies. – Ann Landers


TODAY – DECEMBER 13th

347th day of the year (348th in leap years) with 18 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Ice Cream Day
~ Pick A Pathologist Pal Day
~ Violin Day
~ Acadian Remembrance Day (In Louisiana, known as Cajuns)
~ Geminid Meteor Shower (Best Meteor Shower of 2018)
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No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. – Aesop
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1818 Mary Todd Lincoln, Lexington, Kentucky, First Lady of the United States (1861-1865)
  • 1887 Sergeant Alvin York, Pall Mall, Tennessee, soldier & Medal of Honor recipient (one of most decorated soldiers in WWI)
  • 1903 Carlos Montoya, Spanish guitarist (founder of modern Flamenco style of music)
  • 1915 Ross Macdonald, Los Gatos, California, American-Canadian author (detective Lew Archer / The Moving Target, The Drowning Pool, The Chill, Black Money, The Underground Man)
  • 1925 Dick Van Dyke, West Plains, Missouri, actor and comedian (Bye Bye Birdie, Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Diagnosis: Murder)
  • 1929 Christopher Plummer, Canadian actor (The Sound of Music, The Return of the Pink Panther, The Man Who Would Be King, The Moneychangers, The Thorn Birds, General Chang in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, The Insider, A Beautiful Mind, The Last Station, Beginners, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)
  • 1949 Randy Owen, Fort Payne, Alabama, country singer and guitarist (Alabama)
  • 1954 Emma Bull, Torrance, California, author (War for the Oaks, Bone Dance, Finder, Territory)
  • 1954 Tamora Pierce, South Connellsville, Pennsylvania, author (The Song of the Lioness series, The Immortals series, Tricksters series, Beka Cooper trilogy, The Circle Universe series)
  • 1957 Steve Buscemi, Brooklyn, New York, actor (New York Stories, Mystery Train, Reservoir Dogs, Desperado, Con Air, Armageddon, The Grey Zone, Ghost World )
  • 1967 Jamie Foxx, Terrell, Texas, actor and singer (Any Given Sunday, Ali, Collateral, Ray, Jarhead, Dreamgirls, Law Abiding Citizen, Django Unchained)
  • 1989 Taylor Swift, Reading, Pennsylvania, singer (discography: Fearless, Speak Now, Red)

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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’
Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’ – Charles M. Schulz
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1636 The Massachusetts Bay Colony organizes three militia regiments to defend the colony against the Pequot Indians. This organization is recognized today as the founding of the United States National Guard.
  • 1962 NASA “Relay 1″ launch, first active repeater communications satellite in orbit.
  • 1972 Eugene Cernan and Harrison Schmitt begin the third and final Extra-vehicular activity (EVA) or “Moonwalk” of Apollo 17. This is the last manned mission to the moon of the 20th century.
  • 1977 A DC-3 aircraft chartered from the Indianapolis-based National Jet crashes near Evansville Regional Airport, killing 29, including the University of Evansville basketball team, support staff and boosters of the team.
  • 2003 Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein is captured near his home town of Tikrit.
  • 2006 Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities is adopted by United Nations General Assembly.
  • 2006 The Baiji, or Chinese River Dolphin, is announced as extinct.

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GOLDEN OLDIE…. A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks, ‘What’s up?’

The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome.

‘ROME?!’ Joe says, ‘Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?’

‘We’re taking TWA,’ the man replies.

‘TWA?!’ yells Joe. ‘They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late! So where you staying in Rome?’

The man says ‘We’ll be at the downtown International Marriot.’

‘That DUMP?!’ says Joe. ‘That’s the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they’re overpriced! So what ‘cha doing when you get there?’

The man says ‘We’re going to go see the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.’

‘HA! That’s rich!’ laughs Joe. ‘You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You’re going to need it!’

A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut. Joe says, ‘Well, how did that trip to Rome turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!’

‘No, quite the opposite’ explained the man. ‘Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot!’

‘Hmmm,’ Joe says, ‘Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described.’

‘No, quite the opposite! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling. It’s the finest hotel in Rome, now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge!’

‘Well,’ Joe mumbles, ‘I KNOW you didn’t get to see the Pope!’

‘Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand. I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.’

Impressed, Joe asks, ‘Tell me, please! What’d he say?’

‘Oh, not much really. Just ‘Where’d you get that awful haircut?”

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These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little dog.
Bites!
– – – – – – –
FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour’s dog.
– – – – – – –
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
– – – – – – –
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer.
– – – – – – –
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
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Tongue-in-cheek Advice for mothers to pass on to daughters:
~ Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers.
~ What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
~ If they can put a man on the moon — they should be able to put them all up there.

~ Never let your man’s mind wander– it’s too little to be out alone.
~ Go for younger men. You might as well — they never mature anyway.
~ Women don’t make fools of men — most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

~ Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it.
~ If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
~ Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes; it means that you laugh at his.

~ The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years.
Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.
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Another GOLDEN OLDIE… A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low bridge ahead.” Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck huh?”

The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

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It was the night of the children’s Christmas play and little Johnny was upset because he didn’t get the part of Joseph. He was assigned the inn keeper.
Because he was still bitter, when Joseph and Mary arrived at the inn to ask if there was room, little Johnny threw the play by saying, “Sure, come on in!”
Joseph was at first taken aback, but with quick wit, stepped in, looked around and said, “This place is a dump. I’d rather stay in the barn.”
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pic of the day: Let It Snow, Let It Snow…

snow falling at night

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I know. I know. People say, “It’s the thought that counts, not the gift,” but couldn’t people think a bit bigger?!
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE! New Definitions
Read closely, and perhaps slowly, to understand…

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds.
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.
12. PARADOX: Two physicians.

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the Spring.
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.
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At the scale manufacturers’ convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight.

A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight.

She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, mechanical voice from within the machine announced: “One hundred and sixty-three.”
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Signs Your Cow has Mad-Cow

– Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.
– She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
– Your cow joins the Hell’s Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.

– Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.
– Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting “MOO” backwards.
– Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.
– Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells “Bullseye”!
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A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased.

He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words “Queen Size”.

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed,

“Look Grandma, you wear the same size as our bed!”
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A police recruit was asked on an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”
In the blank, he wrote, “Call for backup.”
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Will Rogers, having paid too much income tax one year, tried in vain to claim a rebate. His numerous letters and queries remained unanswered.
Eventually the form for the next year’s return arrived. In the section marked “DEDUCTIONS,” Rogers listed: “Bad debt, US Government — $40,000.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is the Geminid Meteor Shower? The Geminid meteor shower is one of the most active and reliable meteor showers of the year! It is unique because the meteors are visible all night long, since the constellation Gemini arises just an hour or two after nightfall. Most meteor showers require you to wait until midnight for the best viewing.

~ When is the Geminid Meteor Shower? The Geminids occur every year from about December 4 to 16, peaking the night of December 13 into the morning of December 14. This is the shower’s “maximum,” or time when the most meteors fall per hour.

~ How many meteors does the Geminid Meteor Shower produce? There are usually between one and two meteors every minute. And they’re much slower than those famous summer Perseids or the hit‑or‑miss Leonids because they do NOT strike us head‑on. The Geminids come at Earth sideways. At 20 miles per second, they lope along at half the speed of the other showers. Instead of sharp, brief blazes across the sky, these are more leisurely streakers.

~ When is the best time to view the meteors? They’re well seen starting at nightfall, although they’re particularly abundant around midnight. Geminids offer one of the best meteor showers of the year, and for those who like to go to bed early, the meteor shower should start around 9 p.m. However, they’re at their highest in the sky around 2 A.M. and viewing will be better as the night goes on.

~ Where should you look for the Geminids? The meteors can appear anywhere in the sky, but you’ll have the best luck by gazing at whatever part of the sky is darkest at your location. Though it might be tempting, avoid using binoculars or a telescope. It is better to look at the whole sky than a tiny part of it, and your eyes will automatically move toward any motion up above. Avoid looking at your cell phone or other lights during the meteor shower, as this will hurt your night vision.

(from Farmer’s Almanac)
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QUIP OF THE DAY: He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. – George Bernard Shaw

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. – George Washington Carver

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