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December 18th

Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others. ― Martin Luther King Jr.

TODAY – DECEMBER 18th

352nd day of the year (353rd in leap years) with 13 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Bake Cookies Day
~ International Migrants Day
~ United Nations Arabic Language Day
~ National Roast Suckling Pig Day
~ Answer The Telephone Like Buddy The Elf Day (Simply answer the phone and say “(Insert your Name) the Elf, what’s your favorite color”. Buddy the Elf was played by Will Farrell in the 2003 movie “Elf”.)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1707 Charles Wesley, English hymnist (Christ the Lord is Risen Today, Hark the Herald Angels Sing, O for a Thousand Tongues to Sing) and leader of the Methodist movement
  • 1886 Ty Cobb (The Georgia Peach), Narrows, Georgia, baseball player (credited with setting 90 Major League Baseball records during his career)
  • 1890 Edwin Armstrong, New York, New York, inventor (the most prolific and influential inventor in radio history)
  • 1908 Paul Siple, Montpelier, Ohio, Antarctic explorer (6 expeditions, including two w/Byrd as an Eagle Scout representing the Boy Scouts of America)
  • 1938 Roger E. Mosley, Los Angeles, California,  actor (helicopter pilot “T.C.” Calvin on Magnum, P.I.; Rude Awakening, FCU: Fact Checkers Unit)
  • 1946 Steven Spielberg, Cincinnati, Ohio, film director, producer, screenwriter, co-founder of DreamWorks (Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Indiana Jones series, E.T., The Goonies, The Color Purple, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan, Minority Report, War Horse, Lincoln)
  • 1954 Ray Liotta, Newark, New Jersey, actor, singer, and producer (Something Wild, Field of Dreams, Goodfellas, Narc, Smith, Texas Rising,Shades of Blue)
  • 1963 Brad Pitt, Shawnee, Oklahoma, actor (Thelma & Louise, Interview with a Vampire, Legends of the Fall, 12 Monkeys, Fight Club, Oceans Eleven, Troy, Megamind, World War Z, War Machine)
  • 1968 Casper Van Dien, Milton, Florida, actor (Beverly Hills 90210, Starship Troopers, Tarzan and the Lost City, Hollow, Titans, Watch Over Me, Christmas Twister, Con Man)
  • 1978 Katie Holmes, Toledo, Ohio, actress (Disturbing Behavior, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, Dawson’s Creek, Batman Begins, The Kennedys, Ray Donovan)
  • 1980 Christina Aguilera, Staten Island, New York, singer

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Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. – Howard Thurman
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1777 The United States celebrates its first Thanksgiving, marking the recent victory by the Americans over General John Burgoyne in the Battle of Saratoga in October.
  • 1787 New Jersey becomes the third state to ratify the U.S. Constitution.
  • 1892 Premiere performance of The Nutcracker Ballet by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in St. Petersburg.
  • 1898 Gaston de Chasseloup-Laubat sets the first officially recognized land speed record of 39.245 mph (63.159 km/h) in a Jeantaud electric car.
  • 1917 The resolution containing the language of the Eighteenth Amendment to enact Prohibition is passed by the United States Congress.
  • 1932 The Chicago Bears defeat the Portsmouth Spartans 9-0 in the first ever NFL Championship Game. Because of a blizzard, the game is moved from Wrigley Field to the Chicago Stadium, the field measuring 80 yards (73 m) long.
  • 1958 Project SCORE, the world’s first communications satellite, is launched.
  • 1966 Saturn’s moon Epimetheus is discovered by Richard L. Walker.
  • 1996 The Oakland, California school board passes a resolution officially declaring “Ebonics” a language or dialect.
  • 1999 NASA launched Terra platform into orbit, with five Earth Observation instruments, including ASTER, CERES, MISR, MODIS and MOPITT.

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Years ago when I was teaching, I had a class of second graders who were about evenly divided as to whether there was or was not a Santa Claus. The discussions – or more appropriately debates – in this pre-TV era were extremely serious every recess.

But it all came to an end one day after recess. Young Larry stood up, looked at me with a smile and said in a loud, convincing voice, “Miss Leuze, Santa Claus can’t be your Mom and Dad because they sure can’t go around the whole world in 1 night!”

And a whole class of believers got out their arithmetic books.
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A snowman was seen at the carrot bin in the produce section of the local grocery. He was picking his nose.
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One day a girl came home crying to her mom. The mom asked what was wrong.

The girl responded, “I’m not a creation, God made men first! I’m nothing!”

Then the mom said, “Oh baby that’s not true, God may have made men first ,but there’s always a rough draft before the masterpiece.”
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ONE-LINERS: KIDS ANSWERS TO GEOGRAPHY QUESTIONS

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: Certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. Then the sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in the fight.

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Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding.

One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”

The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”

“What do you call it?”

“We call it a football wedding.”

The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?”

The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”
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A friend and I stayed at a Chicago hotel while attending a convention. Since we weren’t used to the big city, we were overly concerned about security.

The first night we placed a chair against the door and stacked our luggage on it. To complete the barricade, we put the trash can on top. If an intruder tried to break in, we’d be sure to hear him.

Around 1 a.m. there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” my friend asked nervously.

“Honey,” a woman on the other side yelled, “you left your key in the door.”
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pic of the day: The Reason for the Season

Santa kneeling at manger
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A Microsoft support man goes to a firing range. He shoots 10 bullets at the target 50m away.

Then the supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit, and they shout to him that he missed completely.

So he tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.

Then he put his finger at the top of the gun and shoots, blasting off his finger.

When he saw it he shouted back “I don’t know, it’s working perfectly here, the problem must yours…”
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A Jewish gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery.

On her next birthday, he bought her nothing. She was quick to comment loud and long on his thoughtlessness.

He replied, “Well, you haven’t used the gift I gave you last year.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

So this chicken walks into the library, and she walks up to the librarian and she says: “Book.”

The librarian says: “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off she goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Book-book”

The librarian says: “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she gives the chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves but she comes back soon. “Book-book-book.”

“Three books?”

“Book-book-book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she’ll follow the chicken and find out what’s going on.

The chicken goes down the alley, and out of town and towards the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bullfrog. The chicken sets the books down by him, and he looks at them and says: “Reddit…Reddit…Reddit.”

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As my wife finished cleaning the bathroom one day, she noticed the toilet wasn’t flushing properly, and asked me to investigate. I couldn’t fix the problem with a plunger, so I wound up dismantling the entire fixture … no small feat for the non-plumber, home improvement-impaired man that I am. I discovered, jammed down inside the drain, a purple rubber dinosaur, belonging to our five-year old son. I removed it and then painstakingly got all the toilet parts put back together properly.

To my surprise, it didn’t flush and drain much better than it had before. As I pondered what to do next, our son wandered into the room. I explained what I was doing and pointed to the purple dinosaur as the source of the problem. That’s when he asked, “Did you get the green one out, too?”

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While shopping for a CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs.

One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, “What does ‘hybrid pulse D/A converter’ mean?”

That means”, he said, “that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal – that is, into music.”

“In other words this CD player plays CDs.”

“Exactly.”
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Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course. The other three are mythological creatures.
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TOP TEN THINGS TO SAY ABOUT A CHRISTMAS GIFT YOU DON’T LIKE

10. Hey! There’s a gift!

9. Well, well, well …

8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would’ve fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

1. “I really don’t deserve this.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Does a mouse’s nest make a good purse? The penculine titmouse of Africa builds its home in such a sturdy manner that Masai tribesman use their nests for purses and carrying cases.

~ What were British postmen named? Postmen in Victorian England were popularly called “robins.” This was because their uniforms were red. The British Post Office grew out of the carrying of royal dispatches. Red was considered a royal color, so uniforms and letter-boxes were red. Christmas cards often showed a robin delivering Christmas mail.

~ Why did Victorian turkeys wear boots? In Victorian England, turkeys were popular for Christmas dinners. Some of the birds were raised in Norfolk, and taken to market in London. To get them to London, the turkeys were supplied with boots made of sacking or leather. The turkeys were walked to market. The boots protected their feet from the frozen mud of the road. Boots were not used for geese: instead, their feet were protected with a covering of tar.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Common sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. ― Max Ehrmann

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