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December 19th

Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. –  St Francis Of Assisi

TODAY – DECEMBER 19th

353rd day of the year (354th in leap years) with 12 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Look for an Evergreen Day
~ National Hard Candy Day
~ National Oatmeal Muffin Day
~ Mitch Marner Day (Canada)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1820 Mary Livermore, Boston, Massachusetts, journalist and women’s rights advocate (namesake of WWII Liberty ship, the SS Mary Livermore)
  • 1875 Carter Woodson, New Canton, Virginia, historian and author (African Heroes and Heroines), founder of Black History Month
  • 1901 Rudolf Hell, Germany, inventor (invented the Hellschreiber, an early forerunner to the fax)
  • 1903 George Davis Snell, Bradford, Massachusetts, geneticist (Nobel / genetic factors that determine the possibilities of transplanting tissue from one individual to another)
  • 1920 Little Jimmy Dickens, Bolt, West Virginia, country singer (known for novelty songs & small size, 4″11″)
  • 1933 Cicely Tyson, New York City, New York, actress (Sounder, The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman, Roots, How to Get Away with Murder)
  • 1944 Richard Leakey, Nairobi, Kenya, paleontologist, conservationist and politician (head of the Wildlife Conservation and Management Department 1989-1994); author (Wildlife Wars: My Battle to Save Kenya’s Elephants)
  • 1944 Tim Reid, Norfolk, Virginia, actor (WKRP in Cincinnati, Simon & Simon, That ’70s Show, Frank’s Place, Sister Sister, The Rooftop Christmas)
  • 1960 Derrick Jensen, American environmental activist and author (The Culture of Make Believe, Endgame, Earth at Risk: Building a Resistance Movement to Save the Planet)
  • 1963 Jennifer Beals, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Flashdance, The L Word, The Grudge 2, The Book of Eli, The Night Shift, Taken)
  • 1965 Jessica Steen, Toronto, Ontario, American actress (Homefront, Earth 2, Armageddon, Left Behind: World at War, NCIS, Heartland, Those Damn Canadians)
  • 1969 Kristy Swanson, Mission Viejo, California, actress (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Driven Underground, Angels in the Snow)
  • 1975 Brandon Sanderson, Lincoln, Nebraska, author (series: Mistborn, Alcatraz, Legion, Reckoners, Rithmatist, Stormlight Archive)

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The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes. – William Davis
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1606 The ships Susan Constant, Godspeed, and Discovery depart England carrying settlers who founded the first of the thirteen colonies at Jamestown, Virginia.
  • 1776 Thomas Paine publishes one of a series of pamphlets in the Pennsylvania Journal titled The American Crisis.
  • 1777 During the Revolutionary War, George Washington’s Continental Army goes into winter quarters at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania.
  • 1907 A group of 239 coal miners die during a mine explosion in Jacobs Creek, Pennsylvania.
  • 1924 The last Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost is sold in London, England.
  • 1972 The last manned lunar flight, Apollo 17, crewed by Eugene Cernan, Ron Evans and Harrison Schmitt, returns to Earth.
  • 1995 The United States Government restores federal recognition to the Nottawaseppi Huron Band of Potawatomi Indian tribe.
  • 1998 Lewinsky scandal: The United States House of Representatives forwards articles I and III of impeachment against President Bill Clinton to the Senate.
  • 2013 Spacecraft Gaia is launched by European Space Agency.

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Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 * 2 ?”
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99”.

The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02”.

The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: “I don’t know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!”.

Philosopher smiles: “But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?”
Logician replies: “Please define 2 * 2 more precisely.”
The sociologist: “I don’t know, but is was nice talking about it”.
Behavioral Ecologist: “A polygamous mating system”.

Medical Student : “4”
All others looking astonished : “How did you know?”
Medical Student : “I memorized it.”
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Eventually a child begins having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day this happened:
Child: “Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.”

Mother, with dread: “What is that?”
Child: “They’re all nocturnal.”
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ONE-LINERS: Twenty Uses for Fruitcake . . .

1. Use as a doorstop
2. Use as a paperweight
3. Use to clean your pots and pans
4. Use as boat anchor
5. Use as bricks in fireplace

6. Build a house with them
7. Use it to hold up your Christmas tree
8. Use as a pencil holder
9. Give it to the cat for a scratching post
10. Put it in the back yard to feed the birds and squirrels

11. Hold up your car when changing tires
12. Slice and use for poker chips
13. Use it to carve your turkey on
14. Use as replacement for Duraflame log
15. Take it camping with you…use it to weigh down the tent

16. Use it as a seat at a stadium event
17. Stand on it when you change a lightbulb
18. Put it in the back of your car/truck for snow/ice driving
19. Replaces free weights when you work out
20. Use as book ends at the school library
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A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he’s 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.

The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, “You can’t believe her. He’s 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face.”

The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, “Just because I reported him missing, doesn’t mean I wanted him back!”
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An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” He answered, “No.”

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was “Why?” The applicant answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”
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pic of the day: Merry Christmas!

Christmas raccoon
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A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.

Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?”

To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!” (duh….)
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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.

While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?”

To which accountant number one replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Mike: What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?
Chrissy: What?
Mike: Chill out.
—–
Josh: What does Jack Frost like best about school?
John: What?
Josh: Snow and tell.
—–
~ What happened when Santa’s cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens.

~ What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A tannen-bomb. (tannenbaum)

~ What’s red and white and red and white and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

~ Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous?
Holly-wood.

~ Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?
Because snow man is an island.
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An old guy is sitting out on the front porch when his wife comes out to find him. She asks, “What are you doing today?”

Her husband replies, “Nothing.”

“You did that yesterday,” she says.

“I wasn’t finished yet.”
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One summer evening a young son came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.

His mother said, “No, but I appreciate you asking.”

The child responded, “Well, I appreciate you saying no.”
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I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.” The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”

“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”

“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I crashed my wife’s hard drive!”
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A minister, visiting a family’s home near Christmas time, sees a beautiful Nativity set.

He asks an adorable tot, “Do you know what this is?”

She replies, “Yes, it’s breakable.”
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GOLDEN OLDIE…. One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”

“Yes” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Christmas Weather Folklore . . .
•Christmas in snow, Easter in mud.
•A green Christmas makes a fat churchyard.
•If December be changeable and mild,
The whole winter will remain a child.

•Thunder in December presages fine weather.
•December cold with snow, good for rye.
•Lengthened winter and tardy spring are both good for hay and grain, but bad for corn and garden.

•If at Christmas ice hangs on the willow, clover may be cut at Easter.
•As many mince pies as you taste at Christmas, so many happy months will you have.

~ Who is Mitch Marner? He is a Canadian professional ice hockey right winger for the Toronto Maple Leafs of the National Hockey League (NHL).
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. – Winston Churchill

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