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December 20th

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.  ~ Charles Dickens

TODAY – DECEMBER 20th

354th day of the year (355th in leap years) with 11 days to go.

Holidays for Today:
~ Go Caroling Day
~ International Human Solidarity Day
~ Mudd Day
~ National Sangria Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1833 Dr Samuel A. Mudd, Charles County, Maryland, convicted of giving medical aid to John Wilkes Booth, later pardoned
  • 1868 Harvey S. Firestone, Columbiana, Ohio, Industrialist, automobile pioneer (Firestone Tire & Rubber Co.)
  • 1876 Walter S. Adams, born in Syria (parents missionaries there), US astronomer/director of Mount Wilson (1923-46)
  • 1901 Robert Van de Graaff, Tuscaloosa, Alabama, physicist and inventor (Mobility of Gaseous Ions, designer of the Van de Graaff generator, a device which produces high voltages)
  • 1932 John Hillerman, Denison, Texas actor (Higgins on Magnum, P.I., Brimmer on Ellery Queen, High Plains Drifter, Paper Moon, Blazing Saddles, Chinatown)
  • 1954 Michael Badalucco, Brooklyn, New York, actor (O Brother, Where Art Thou?, The Practice)
  • 1954 Sandra Cisneros, Chicago, Illinois, author (The House on Mango Street, Woman Hollering Creek and Other Stories)
  • 1970 Nicole DeBoer, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, actress (Ezra Dax on DS9; The Dead Zone, Trust No One, Private Eyes)
  • 1976 Adam Powell, Wales, game designer and businessman (Meteor Games, Neopets creator)
  • 1983 Jonah Hill, Mill Valley, California, actor (Superbad, Get Him to the Greek, Moneyball, Hal Stewart/Titan in Megamind, Snotlout in How to Train Your Dragon, War Dogs)

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“What is a friend if not someone you feel close to, someone you like being with, someone you can confide in and share pleasure with. – Jeremy Malory
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1803 The Louisiana Purchase is completed at a ceremony in New Orleans.
  • 1835 First signing of the Texas Declaration of Independence at Goliad, Texas.
  • 1860 South Carolina becomes the first state to secede from the United States.
  • 1919 Canadian National Railways established (North America’s longest, 50,000 KM).
  • 1951 The EBR-1 in Arco, Idaho becomes the first nuclear power plant to generate electricity. The electricity powered four light bulbs.
  • 1977 First Space walk made by Soviet G Grechko during Salyut 6 EO-1 mission.
  • 1985 Position of American “Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry” established (Robert Warren was the first appointed).
  • 1996 NeXT merges with Apple Computer, starting the path to Mac OS X.
  • 2007 Queen Elizabeth II becomes the oldest ever monarch of the United Kingdom, surpassing Queen Victoria, who lived for 81 years, 7 months and 29 days.
  • 2007 The painting Portrait of Suzanne Bloch (1904), by the Spanish artist Pablo Picasso, is stolen from the São Paulo Museum of Art, along with O Lavrador de Café, by the major Brazilian modernist painter Candido Portinari.

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Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. ‘My name is Billy. What’s yours?’ asked the first boy.

‘Tommy,’ replied the second.
‘My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?’ asked Billy.

Tommy replied, ‘My Daddy’s a lawyer.’

‘Honest?’ asked Billy.
‘No, just the regular kind’, replied Tommy.
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The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, “Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?”

“Not too late, Dad.” she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, “Then, my precious one, I’ll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car.”
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ONE-LINERS: 10 things NOT to say to a cop who pulls you over

  1. I cant reach my license unless you hold my beer
  2. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
  3. Aren’t you the guy from the village people?
  4. You must’ve been doin about 125 mph to keep up with me! good job!
  5. Excuse me, is stick ’em up hyphenated?
  6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
  7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
  8. You’re not gonna check the trunk are you?
  9. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
  10. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell out of my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control…

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Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said,
“Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.”

“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.
“Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”
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The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal.

Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, “Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful -so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing.”

The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man add, “I felt like a new man when I woke up!”
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pic of the day: Merry Christmas!

Two Cardinals Merry Christmas
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I realized that my five-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a relative’s wedding. As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and asked, “Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?
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At my wedding reception, I stood to say a few words. I turned to my bride’s mother. “You’ve given me a gift,” I began, “a gift that …”
As I paused in thought, my new mother-in-law completed the sentence, “That you can’t return!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

When an Indian shaman succeeded in driving an evil spirit out of a beautiful maiden of the tribe, she exclaimed,    “Thank you very much!” and proceeded to hug the medicine man.

The medicine man’s squaw was angered by the maiden’s gesture of gratitude, and told the maiden in no uncertain terms … “Don’t squeeze the Shaman!”
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WARNING! ANOTHER PUNNY!

One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor… not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin’s arrow.

He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga’s in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago… the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga’s out to dry.

He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess of nature, angered at the environmental destruction, caused a huge tidal wave to spring up and wash over the assembled workers. A stiff breeze afterwards dried them off so quickly they were all frozen into place.

After a little while, Caesar began to wonder about the progress of the enterprise, so he decided to visit the site with some of his advisors. Arriving at the tidal pool, he was unable to make heads or tails of the sight of his workers stuck standing there.

Until of course, one of his advisors whispered to him: . . . ‘Beware, the tides of starch.’
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Inventions Bound to Fail

*The water-proof towel
*Glow in the dark sunglasses
*Solar powered flashlights

*Submarine screen doors
*A book on how to read
*Inflatable dart boards

*A dictionary index
*Dehydrated water – Just add water
*Waterproof tea bags
*The helicopter ejector seat
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A group of first graders got together and decided to write their own version of the Nativity. It was more modern than the traditional drama. Oh, there were the familiar members of the cast: Joseph, the shepherds, the three wise men, the star, and an angel propped up in the background.

But Mary was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly behind the bales of hay could be heard some loud moans and groans. Evidently Mary was in labor.

Soon the doctor arrived dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope around his neck. Joseph, with a look of relief on his face takes the doctor straight to Mary, then starts pacing back and forth. After a few moments the “doctor” emerges with a big smile on his face.

“Congratulations, Joseph,” he says, “It’s a God!”
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Better living through chemistry

Table of Elements:
C = carbon
Ho = holmium
Co = cobalt
La = lanthanum
Te = tellurium

CHoCoLaTe – Better living through chemistry!
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I went to Confession after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully-equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there’s a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. I say to him, “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to Confession, but I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

He replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How does wine age? It is the very slow interaction of oxygen and wine that produces the changes noticed in aging wine. It is believed that wine ages more slowly in larger bottles, since there is less oxygen per volume of wine in larger bottles. Rapid oxidation, as with a leaky cork, spoils wine.

~ How did cholera arrive in the U.S? A little over one hundred years ago, cholera arrived in the United States for the first time. It was transmitted by an infection carried aboard the Hamburg-American Line’s Moravia on August 30, 1892.

~ How large is the cecropia? With a six-inch wingspan, the cecropia is the largest moth in North America. Its charcoal gray wings are adorned with distinctive “eye spots” and bands of orange and white. The cecropia has feathery antennae and a furry orange-striped body as big as a baby mouse.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: My goal for 2019 is to accomplish the goals set in 2018 which I should have done in 2017 because I promised to in 2016 and planned to do in 2015.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day.  We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year.  As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.  And thus I drift along into the holidays – let them overtake me unexpectedly – waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself:  “Why, this is Christmas Day!”  – David Grayson

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