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December 28th

You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen.  But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your souls’s own doing. – Marie Sropes

TODAY – DECEMBER 28th

362nd day of the year (363rd in leap years) with 3 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Card Playing Day
~ Fourth of the Twelve Days of Christmas (Western Christianity)
~ Holy Innocents Day
~ National Chocolate Candy Day
~ Pledge of Allegiance Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1856 Woodrow Wilson, Staunton, Virginia, 28th President of the U.S. (Progressive Movement, Democrat)
  • 1921 Johnny Otis, Vallejo, California, musician (Godfather of Rhythm and Blues)
  • 1922 Stan Lee, New York City, New York, comic books (Marvel Comics: Co-creator of Spider-Man, The Hulk, X-Men, Fantastic Four, Iron Man, Thor)
  • 1932 Nichelle Nichols, Robbins, Illinois, actress and singer (Uhura on Star Trek )
  • 1934 Dame Maggie Smith, Essex, England, actress (Othello, Clash of the Titans, Downton Abbey, Minerva McGonagall in Harry Potter series)
  • 1954 Denzel Washington Jr., Mt. Vernon, New York, actor (Cry Freedom, Malcolm X,  The Pelican Brief, Crimson Tide, Courage Under Fire, Training Day, The Equalizer, The Magnificent 7)
  • 1958 Twila Paris, Fort Worth, Texas, singer (contemporary Christian genre)
  • 1976 Joe Manganiello, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, actor and stuntman (Spider-Man, American Heiress, One Tree Hill, True Blood)
  • 1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, Norfolk, Virginia, first U.S. test tube baby, journalist
  • 1987 Thomas Dekker, Las Vegas, Nevada, actor and musician (John Connor in Terminator, Honey I Shrunk The Kids: The TV Show, Heroes, Kaboom, Backstrom)
  • 2001 Madison De La Garza, Dallas, Texas, actress (Desperate Housewives, Bad Teacher, Caged No More)

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Serenity and inner beauty come when we wait upon God.  “Waitin” like that is not merely wasting time. – Eva Burrow
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1612 Galileo Galilei becomes the first astronomer to observe the planet Neptune, although he mistakenly catalogued it as a fixed star.
  • 1832 John C. Calhoun becomes the first Vice President of the United States to resign.
  • 1846 Iowa is admitted as the 29th U.S. state.
  • 1867 United States claims Midway Atoll, the first territory annexed outside Continental limits.
  • 1895 The Lumière brothers perform for their first paying audience at the Grand Cafe in Boulevard des Capucines, marking the debut of the cinema.
  • 1895 Wilhelm Röntgen publishes a paper detailing his discovery of a new type of radiation, which later will be known as x-rays.
  • 1912 The first municipally owned streetcars take to the streets in San Francisco, California.
  • 1944 Maurice Richard becomes the first player to score 8 points in one game of NHL ice hockey.
  • 1945 The United States Congress officially recognizes the Pledge of Allegiance.
  • 1973 The Endangered Species Act is passed in the United States.
  • 1978 With the crew investigating a problem with the landing gear, United Airlines Flight 173 runs out of fuel and crashes in Portland, Oregon, killing 10. As a result, United Airlines instituted the industry’s first crew resource management program.
  • 2000 U.S. retail giant Montgomery Ward announces it is going out of business after 128 years.

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A NEW YEAR PRAYER FOR THE ELDERLY
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Two brothers, both farmers, were talking on the phone.
One asks the other how bad the drought.
The other replied, “Well it’s got so bad they’ve closed two lanes at the local swimming pool.”
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ONE-LINERS: Head Scratchers

– Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
– Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
– Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

– Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
– Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
– If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

– Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
– Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
– How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
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Golden Oldie… The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. ‘Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant.

This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.’

‘Well, how much does a brain cost?’ asked the relatives. ‘For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000.’

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded in understanding, and a few actually smirked. Then the patient’s daughter asked, ‘Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?’

‘A standard pricing practice,’ said the head of the team, ‘women’s brains have to be marked down because they’re used.’

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pic of the day: Frosty Pines

frost on trees and snow
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Trouser is normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He chases tennis balls, plays with other dogs, and eats his dinner without a fuss. He is a dog without a care.

But on one fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different. I was walking him along a trail at the park, when suddenly from out of the bushes jumped a man all dressed in black. He had white paint on his face, and Trouser must have thought he was gesturing annoyingly at me. This strange person spoke not a word, but proceeded to pretend that he was trapped in a box and that he was pulling on a long rope.

Trouser took it upon himself to rectify the situation. With a low growl he jumped and sank his teeth into the annoying clown’s leg.

The poor dog immediately got a sickened look in his eyes and began to vomit wildly. He then dragged his tongue all over the ground in an effort to remove the man’s foul essence from his mouth.

For you see, Trouser had learned that … “A Mime Is a Terrible Thing To Taste.”

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I was working out in the gym the other day when I spotted a sweet young thing. I asked the trainer, “What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?”

The trainer looked me up and down and said, “I would try the ATM in the lobby.”

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A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner people.”

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner… NOW!”

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”

Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, “especially since this is a bus stop.”

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Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.” St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.”

St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven … for five days!”
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Thinking About New Year’s Resolutions. . .

~ An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

~ The first week of January, gyms and yoga classes everywhere are packed with people who made new years resolutions to tone up. It’s like sardines in there. Big sardines. But they’re all gone by February.

~ My new years resolution is not to shovel snow. Since I’m gonna be in Florida, I feel pretty good about it. – Greg Tamblyn

~ If you make a New Year’s resolution to eat a healthy diet, and you keep it, you won’t actually live longer, but it will seem longer. – Greg Tamblyn

~ Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. – Bill Vaughan

~ Deer readers, my gnu years resolution is to tell you a gazelleon times how much I caribou you! Sorry. Bad puns. Alpaca bag and leave. – Greg Tamblyn

~ Wait a second, there’s ANOTHER year? I have to do it all over again??? – Jake Vig

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How long have people been racing horses? Horse racing is one of the most ancient sports, originating in Central Asia among prehistoric nomadic tribesmen around 4500 B.C. When humans began keeping written records, horse racing was already an organized sport throughout the world.

~ Is alchemy still practiced today? Not really — Today, the discipline is of interest mainly to historians of science and philosophy, and for its mystic, esoteric, and artistic aspects. Nevertheless, alchemy was one of the main precursors of modern sciences, and we owe to the ancient alchemists the discovery of many substances and processes that are the mainstay of modern chemical and metallurgical industries.

~ How popular is Lithiated Lemon today? Lithiated Lemon was the creation of Charles Griggs from Missouri, who introduced the lemon-lime drink in 1929. Four years later he renamed it 7-Up. Sales increased significantly.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: : I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.” – Vince Lombardi

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