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December 2nd

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.  – Albert Einstein


336th day of the year (337th in leap years) with 29 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Day For The Abolition Of Slavery
~ National Fritters Day
~ National Mutt Day
~ National Special Education Day
~ Bingo Month
~ Write a Friend Month


  • 1863 Charles Edward Ringling, McGregor, Iowa, businessman (co-founded the Ringling Brothers Circus)
  • 1905 S. Joseph Begun , German-American inventor (built the first tape recorder for broadcasting which was later used in the 1936 Olympics)
  • 1906 Peter Carl Goldmark, German-Hungarian engineer (developed color TV and LP records)
  • 1910 Russell Lynes, Great Barrington, Massachusetts, photographer, art historian, and author (managing editor of Harper’s Magazine for 20 years)
  • 1925 Julie Harris, Grosse Pt, Michigan, actress (East of Eden, Anastasia, The Hiding Place, Bronte, Knots Landing, Gorillas in the Mist, The Civil War)
  • 1944 Cathy Lee Crosby, Los Angeles, California, actress (Coach, The Dark, Untamed Love, Ablaze, Prayer Never Fails)
  • 1946 Gianni Versace, Italian fashion designer (founded Versace)
  • 1948 T. Coraghessan Boyle, Peekskill, New York, author (World’s End, Drop City, San Miguel, Tooth and Claw, T.C. Boyle Stories, The Harder They Come)
  • 1954 Dan Butler, Huntington, Indiana, actor (The Silence of the Lambs, Frasier, Enemy of the State, Hey Arnold, Crazy Stupid Love)
  • 1956 Steven Bauer, Havana, Cuba, actor (Scarface, Raising Cain, Primal Fear, Raptor Island, The Lost City, Dark World, Hacienda Heights, Ray Donovan, Culture of Fear)
  • 1968 Lucy Liu, Queens, New York, actress (Charlie’s Angels, Chicago, Kill Bill, Kung Fu Panda, Elementary, Future World)
  • 1981 Britney Spears, McComb, Mississippi, singer and entertainer

Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. – Og Mandino


  • 1775 John Paul Jones hoists the Grand Union Flag (precursor to the Stars and Stripes) on the The USS Alfred, the first vessel to fly it.
  • 1804 Napoleon Bonaparte crowns himself Emperor of the French, the first French Emperor in a thousand years, at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.
  • 1823 US President James Monroe delivers a speech establishing American neutrality in future European conflicts (Monroe Doctrine).
  • 1845 US President James K. Polk announces to Congress that the United States should aggressively expand into the West, known as Manifest Destiny.
  • 1930 During the Great Depression US President Herbert Hoover goes before the Congress to ask for a US$150 million public works program to help generate jobs and stimulate the economy.
  • 1942 As part of the Manhattan Project a team led by Enrico Fermi initiates the first self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction.
  • 1970 The United States Environmental Protection Agency begins operations.
  • 1972 “December Giant” largest sinkhole in US collapses in Shelby, Alabama.
  • 1993 Space Shuttle STS-61, Space Shuttle Endeavour, is launched by NASA on a mission to repair the Hubble Space Telescope.
  • 2001 Enron files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.


There are three guys walking together along the Welsh/English border…a Welshman, a Scot, and an Englishman. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out, ‘I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes.’

To this, the Scot says ‘I am a sheep herder. My dad’s a sheep herder, his dad was a sheep herder, and my son will be one too. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms’… ‘FOOM!’ all the land in Scotland was full of an infinite supply of sheep farms.

The Englishman was amazed. He said ‘I want a wall around England to keep those dadratted Scots and Welsh out’… ‘FOOM!!’ there was a wall around England.

The Welshman says, ‘Tell me more about this wall.’

The genie says, ‘Well, its about 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.’

After a moment of consideration, the Welshman says ‘Fill it with water.’

One day a new chicken was introduced to the farm.
The duck, who was the main bird in charge, shows the new chicken around.

“This is where you go to get fed, this is the water trough and that is the coop. Chickens hang out near the fence, us ducks near the pond and the geese near the gate. We’re pretty friendly but we keep to our own.”
“Oh but whatever you do, DO NOT cross that road. You’ll never hear the end of it.”

ONE-LINERS: Top Signs You Watch Too Much TV

~ To reduce ‘downtime’ — you got an *elective* colostomy.
~ You’re still trying to find a publisher for your book ‘C-Span for Dummies.’
~ Your co-workers are obliviously to the fact that your ‘DayTimer’ is really a leather-bound TV Guide.

~ Your name: Nick Nickelodeon’s new channel: Nick for Nick
~ You write daily to the producers of ‘Bassmasters’ to urge them come out with movie version.
~ Last night you dreamt Sally Struthers begged you to send money to buy rice for poor, starving Ally McBeal.

~ You effortlessly crack walnuts with your clicker thumb.
~ Those 37 electrocutions still don’t deter you from watching cartoons in the shower.
~ The last time you *read* for enjoyment was when they subtitled Arnold the Pig on an episode of Green Acres.

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying “Nerds Not Allowed – Enter At Your Own Risk!” He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, “You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?”

The truck driver says, “I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling.”

The bartender says, “Okay, truck drivers are not nerds.” and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver said, totally shocked, “Why did you do that?”

The bartender said, “Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don’t even need a license.”

The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can’t let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.”

“Well, sure,” said the patrolman. “But you can’t bait ’em.”

I recently took my 5 kids to the Naval Air Museum in Pensacola Florida (a great museum and free admission). They have one room that is full of real cockpits for the kids to sit in.

I lifted my 4 yr old daughter into one cockpit that had side by side seating for the pilot and co-pilot.

When my daughter got in she said “Good – this one’s two player!”

pic of the day: In Honor of National Mutt Day

dog running

When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.

I promptly added: “Send Michelle money every month.”
A few days later my brother wrote: “Make payments on car for Jason.”

Then my boyfriend joined in with: “Buy Tom a Jeep.”
Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: “Wean kids.”

The lil’ Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center.
“I want a dog of which I can be proud,” she told the salesman. “Does that one have a good pedigree?”

“Miss,” declared the clerk, “if she could speak, she wouldn’t talk to either one of us.”


Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed?” asked one detective.
“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.

“A golf gun?! What the heck is a golf gun?”
“I’m not for certain, but it sure made a hole in Juan!”

One of my daughter’s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. “Get the owner’s manual!” her husband shouted.

“I can’t find it anywhere!” she cried, searching through the box.

“Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual is burnt to a crisp.”

School Best Sellers

~ Can’t See The Chalkboard – by Sidney Backrow
~ The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me – by I. Rhoda Bike
~ Walking To School The First Day Back – by Misty Bus

~ What I Dislike About Returning To School – by Mona Lott
~ Making It Through The First Week Of School – by Gladys Saturday
~ Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School – by Major Crackupp

~ Will Jimmy Finally Graduate? – by I. Betty Wont
~ Is Life Over When Summer Ends? – by Midas Welbee
~ What I Love About Returning To School – by I.M. Kidding
~ What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School – by U. Will Gettitt

As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.

One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case.

“If you don’t get off there right now,” she commanded, “I’m going to e-mail your father!”

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, “Did you guys have a good game today?”

The first old guy said, “Yes, I had three riders today.”

The second old guy said, “I had the most riders ever. I had five.”

The third old guy said, “I had 7 riders, the same as last time.”

The last old man said, “I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today.”

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, “I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what’s a rider?”

The pro said, “A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it.”

TODAY IN TRIVIA: How often do we blink? You blink every 2-10 seconds. As you focus on each word in this sentence, your eyes swing back and forth 100 times a second, and every second, the retina performs 10 billion computer-like calculations.

~ When were bell-bottoms most popular? Bell-bottoms became very fashionable in the 1960s, both for men and women. In the mid 1990s they became popular again in women’s and men’s fashion in Europe spreading to the Americas. They were initially reintroduced as “boot cut” with a slight flare leg. Over time the width of the hem grew wider and the term “flare leg” was favored in marketing over the term “bell bottom”.

~ When was the first shoe tied? The shoestring was invented in England in 1790. Prior to this time, all shoes were fastened with buckles.

~ How large is the sun? If Earth was the size and weight of a table tennis ball, the Sun would measure 12 feet and weigh 3 tons. On this scale, the Earth would orbit the Sun at a distance of 1,325 feet.
QUIP OF THE DAY: My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher – Socrates


Thought for the day. . . Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. – Fran Leibowitz

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