Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. – Francesca Reigler
TODAY – DECEMBER 3rd
337th day of the year (338th in leap years) with 28 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ National Roof over Your Head Day
~ International Day of Persons with Disabilities
~ International Basque Language Day
~ National Tie Month
~ Universal Human Rights Month
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1842 Ellen Swallow Richards, Dunstable, Massachusetts, scientist, first American woman to earn a degree in chemistry (pioneering the field of home economics)
- 1842 Charles Alfred Pillsbury, Warner, New Hampshire, industrialist (founder of Pillsbury Company)
- 1857 Joseph Conrad, Polish-born British writer (An Outcast of the Islands, Heart of Darkness, Lord Jim, Typhoon)
- 1927 Andy Williams, Wall Lake, Iowa, singer (Moon River)
- 1937 Bobby Allison, Miami, Florida, NASCAR race car driver (one of 50 greatest drivers)
- 1937 Morgan Llywelyn, American-born Irish author (Druids, The Elementals, Pirate Queen, The Vikings in Ireland, Brendan, 1014: Brian Boru & the Battle for Ireland)
- 1949 Heather Menzies, Canadian-American actress (My Three Sons, The Sound of Music, Hawaii, Logan’s Run, Piranha, Captain America, Endangered Species)
- 1951 Rick Mears, Wichita, Kansas, race car driver (won Indianapolis 500 four times)
- 1960 Daryl Hannah, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Splash, Blade Runner, Steel Magnolias, Kill Bill, Sense8, Sicilian Vampire)
- 1960 Julianne Moore, Fort Bragg, North Carolina, actress (The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Hannibal, Far From Heaven, The Hunger Games, Freeheld, Kingsman: The Golden Circle)
- 1965 Katarina Witt, German figure skater (2 Olympic gold medals, 4-time World Champion, 6 consecutive European Championships)
- 1965 Steve Harris, Chicago, Illinois, actor (The Practice, Minority Report, Quarantine, Legends, Burning Sands)
- 1968 Brendan Fraser, Canadian-American actor (3 Mummy films, Bedazzled, Encino Man, George of the Jungle, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Texas Rising, Condor)
- 1980 Anna Chlumsky, Chicago, Illinois, actress (My Girl, Hannibal, Veep, Halt and Catch Fire)
- 1994 Jake T. Austin, New York City, New York, actor (Wizards of Waverly Place; Go, Diego, Go!; Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, The Fosters, The Valley, The Emoji Movie)
Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend – or a meaningful day. – Dalai Lama
- 1898 The Duquesne Country and Athletic Club defeated, a collection of early football players, from several teams based in southwestern Pennsylvania, in what is considered to be the very first all-star game for professional American football.
- 1910 Modern neon lighting is first demonstrated by Georges Claude at the Paris Motor Show.
- 1927 Putting Pants on Philip, the first Laurel and Hardy film, is released.
- 1973 Pioneer 10 sends back the first close-up images of Jupiter.
- 1976 An assassination attempt is made on Bob Marley. He is shot twice, but plays a concert two days later.
- 1982 A soil sample is taken from Times Beach, Missouri that will be found to contain 300 times the safe level of dioxin.
- 1997 In Ottawa, Canada, representatives from 121 countries sign The Ottawa treaty prohibiting manufacture and deployment of anti-personnel landmines. The United States, People’s Republic of China, and Russia do not sign the treaty, however.
- 1999 NASA loses radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander moments before the spacecraft enters the Martian atmosphere.
- 2005 XCOR Aerospace makes first manned rocket aircraft delivery of US Mail in Mojave, California.
- 2014 Japanese space agency, JAXA, launches the space explorer Hayabusa 2 from the Tanegashima Space Center on a six-year round trip mission to an asteroid to collect rock samples.
Snow was falling heavily the day I decided to visit a car dealership. I was confident I’d get a great deal, figuring the salesmen would be desperate for customers on such a lousy day.
Sure enough, when I entered the showroom, I was the only client.
My hopes for getting a good deal quickly faded, however, when I heard the approaching salesman’s very first words:
“Boy,” he said, jovially, “you must really want a new car badly to come out on a day like this!”
A guy playing trombone in the opera had a fantastic gig on the day he had to play in the opera. He tried to find a replacement but without success.
Finally he went to his housekeeper and convinced him to do the replacement. “I give you my other trombone. You just look what is the guy next to you doing and it would be Okay”.
Next morning he asked the housekeeper how it was.
“Catastrophe. Your colleague sent also his housekeeper to replace him”.
~ Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that.
~ Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
~ Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
~ The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
~ In America, anyone can become President. That’s the problem.
~ I was watching a cooking show on TV and they used clarified butter. Why does butter need to be clarified? Isn’t it rather obvious already?
Visiting the National Museum of the American Indian in Washington, D.C., my sister and I were admiring a beautiful tribal headdress decorated with eagle feathers. A man came up to us and identified himself as Native American. “Do you know how warriors got those?” the man asked, pointing to the feathers. “They covered a hole with brush, tied a live rabbit on top of it and hid underneath. When an eagle swooped down for the kill, they would grab its wing or tail.”
“Fascinating,” I said. “You learned that from your tribal elders?”
“Actually, no,” the man confessed. “I saw it on the Discovery Channel.”
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in.
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
Cardinal looking for sunflower seeds…
A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, “Do you have any small notebooks?”
“Sorry,” says the manager. “We’re all out.”
The woman shrugs, and asks, “Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?”
“Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager.
The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, “Do you have Doritos? Nachos?”
The manager shrugs, “Sorry.”
“Hmmph. How about Chapstick?” says the woman.
“Nope. Don’t have that.”
“My Gosh!” the woman shouts, “If you don’t have anything, you should close this stupid store!”
The manager shrugs, “Don’t have the key.”
LEGITIMATE QUESTIONS FOR SENIORS
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Two safari guides in Africa were having a drink on the veranda and watching the sun go down when they became engaged in an argument over which was the better guide. Since each simply refused to believe the other’s hunting stories they were unable to resolve the dispute themselves. They decided the only way to decide was to hunt the very next day and the first of them to kill a lion would win the distinction.
A bet was also made that the loser must buy the winner a pint of his favorite whiskey. At dawn the next morning one hunter was off with his bearers, beaters, Land Rovers, and all of the other equipment needed for a successful hunt. All this while the other hunter was sitting on the veranda, his feet up on the railing, watching the hunters leave and drinking his morning coffee.
The hunter on safari hunted high and low all day and just before dark finally was able to surround a lion with his native hunters and beaters. As the circle became tighter and tighter the lion finally broke cover and ran into the open. The hunter drew a careful bead on the lion and just as he was about to squeeze off the killing shot, the other hunter suddenly swooped over the hunting site in an airplane, pulled out a machine gun and shot and killed the lion thus winning the bet.
The hunter on the ground was outraged. Back at the lodge he confronted the other hunter about his poor sportsmanship and his lack of honor to the spirit of the challenge. When asked to explain himself the winner said “I don’t understand why you are so upset. I thought everybody knows the shortest distance between two pints is a strafed lion.”
“I’ve never flown before,” said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you?”
“All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds.
After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.” The wedding vows went like this:
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”
St. Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.”
Forrest responds, “It shor is good to be here , St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”
St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God’s first name?”
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”
Forrest says, “Well, the first one — which two days in the week begin with the letter “T”? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.
The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest, that’s not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I’ll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?” asks St. Peter.
“How many seconds in a year?”
“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded, St. Peter says, “Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”
Forrest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . …”
“Hold it, ” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind either….but I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let’s go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name”?
“Sure”, Forrest replied, “its Andy.”
“Andy?!” exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. “OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions,but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”
“Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learnt it from the song. ‘Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me I am his own…'”
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: “Run Forrest, run.”
TODAY IN TRIVIA: Why was National Roof Over Your Head Day created? It was created as a day to be thankful for what you have, starting with the roof over your head.
~ What is International Basque Language Day about? The Basque language is spoken by the Basques, an indigenous ethnic group who primarily inhabit the Basque Country, a region spanning an area in southwestern France and northeastern Spain. This holiday was established in 1948 and became official in 1995. December 3 was chosen to honor Saint Francis Xavier, a Roman Catholic missionary from Navarre. According to legend, his last words before passing away were in Basque, as it was Xavier’s mother tongue.
~ How many songs did Irving write? Irving Berlin was prolific, writing more than 900 songs, 19 musicals, and the scores of 18 movies. Some of his songs that have become beloved classics include “There’s No Business Like Show Business,” “Easter Parade,” and “White Christmas.”
~ Is it true that Irving Berlin couldn’t read music? Irving Berlin never learned to read music or to write it. He hummed or sang his songs to a secretary, who wrote them down in musical notation.
QUIP OF THE DAY: The best things in life may be free, but the optional accessories really run up the bill.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. – Josh Billings