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February 11th

Don’t try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough. – Arthur Freed


TODAY – FEBRUARY 11th

42nd day of the year with 323 days remaining (324 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
~ International Day of Women and Girls in Science
~ National Don’t Cry over Spilled Milk Day
~ National Inventors Day
~ National Make a Friend Day
~ National Peppermint Patty Day
~ National White T-Shirt Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1847 Thomas Alva Edison, Milan, Ohio, inventor , developed many devices that greatly influenced life around the world, including the phonograph, the motion picture camera, and a long-lasting, practical electric light bulb
  • 1917 Sidney Sheldon, Chicago, Illinois, created The Patty Duke Show, I Dream of Jeannie, and Hart to Hart; author (The Other Side of Midnight, Rage of Angels, Master of the Game, Windmills of the Gods, The Doomsday Conspiracy, The Sky is Falling)
  • 1926 Leslie Nielsen, Canadian actor (Forbidden Planet, The Poseidon Adventure, The Naked Gun, Dracula: Dead and Loving It)
  • 1936 Burt Reynolds, Lansing, Michigan, actor (Boogie Nights, Dan August, Evening Shade, Universal Soldier)
  • 1939 Jane Yolen, New York City, New York, author (Commander Toad series, Owl Moon, Sister Emily’s Lightship, Lost Girls, White Jenna, Sister Light Sister Dark)
  • 1941 Sergio Mendes, Brazilian musician (bossa nova, jazz & funk)
  • 1960 Richard Mastracchio, Waterbury, Connecticut, engineer and NASA astronaut (STS-106, STS-118, STS-131, Soyuz TMA-11M, Expedition 38/39)
  • 1962 Sheryl Crow, Kennett, Missouri, musician (9 Grammy Awards)
  • 1969 Jennifer Aniston, Sherman Oaks, California, actress (She’s the One, Office Space, The Good Girl, Friends with Money, Horrible Bosses, She’s Funny That Way)
  • 1976 Brice Beckham, Long Beach, California, actor (Mr. Belvedere, I Hate My 30’s, Hug it Out)
  • 1979 Brandy Norwood, McComb, Mississippi, singer and actress (Cinderella, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, The Game, Dancing With The Stars: Season 11, Star)
  • 1992 Taylor Lautner, Grand Rapids, Michigan, actor (The Twilight Saga film series, Tracers, Run the Tide, Scream Queens, Cuckoo)
  • 1994 Dominic Janes, Tucson, Arizona, actor (Crossing Jordan, ER, Out of Jimmy’s Head, Wild Hogs, Wolverine and the X-Men)

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Do not repeat anything you will not sign your name to. ~ Author Unknown

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1752 Pennsylvania Hospital, the first hospital in the United States, is opened by Benjamin Franklin.
  • 1794 First session of United States Senate open to the public.
  • 1812 Massachusetts governor Elbridge Gerry “gerrymanders” for the first time.
  • 1916 Emma Goldman is arrested for lecturing on birth control.
  • 1953 President Dwight Eisenhower refuses a clemency appeal for Ethel and Julius Rosenberg.
  • 1959 The Federation of Arab Emirates of the South, which will later become South Yemen, is created as a protectorate of the United Kingdom.
  • 1971 Eighty-seven countries, including the US, UK, and USSR, sign the Seabed Treaty outlawing nuclear weapons on the ocean floor in international waters.
  • 1981 100,000 US gallons (380 m3) of radioactive coolant leak into the containment building of TVA Sequoyah 1 nuclear plant in Tennessee, contaminating 8 workers.
  • 1990 Nelson Mandela is released from Victor Verster Prison outside Cape Town, South Africa after 27 years as a political prisoner.
  • 1997 Space Shuttle Discovery is launched on a mission to service the Hubble Space Telescope.
  • 2013 The Vatican confirmed that Pope Benedict XVI would resign the papacy on 28 February 2013, as a result of his advanced age.

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My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.
He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.

He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.
Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, “Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?”
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A guy is sitting at the bar, staring morosely into his beer when his friend walks in. “What’s the problem?”
“Well, I ran afoul on one of those awkward questions women ask. Now, I’m in deep trouble at home.”

“What kind of question?”
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly.”
“That’s an easy one! You just say, ‘Of course I will!'”

“Yeah, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I do.'”
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ONE-LINERS: Euphemisms For Being Stupid
~ A beer short of a six pack.
~ A brick short of a load.
~ A couple of eggs shy of a dozen.
~ A couple of gallons short of a full tank.

~ A few ants short of a picnic.
~ A few beers short of a six-pack.
~ A few bricks short of a wall.
~ A few cards short of a deck.

~ A few clowns short of a circus.
~ A few feathers short of a whole duck.
~ A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
~ A few peas short of a casserole.

~ A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce.
~ A few trucks short of a convoy.
~ A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner.
~ A pepperoni short of a pizza.

~ A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
~ About as bright as a burnt-out 20 watt light bulb.
~ An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
~ An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

~ As much use as a one-legged man at an butt-kicking contest.
~ As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
~ As quick as a tortoise on Prozac.
~ As smart as bait.

~ As useful as a screen door on a submarine.
~ As useful as a wooden frying pan.
~ Body by God, Mind by Mattel.
~ Bright as Alaska in December.
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During the last carpool the subject was teenagers and their appetites. Most agreed that teenagers would eat anything, anywhere and at any time. Some were concerned that such appetites always made it hard to judge when you should feed them because they were always grazing.

The veteran parent of six children, told us of his method for judging the true hunger of teenagers. “I would hold up a piece of cold broccoli and if they were jumping and snapping at it I figured they were hungry enough to be fed.”
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On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn’t know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond a “blue, four-door sedan.”

“It’s the one on fire,” he replied.
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pic of the day: If FedEx and UPS Merged. . .

Fed Up Truck
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Darla had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.
“Pretty good, I think,” replied Darla, “but if I go to work there I won’t get a vacation until I’m married.”

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. “Is that what they told you?”
“No”, replied Darla, “but right on the application it said ‘vacation time may not be taken until you’ve had your First Anniversary.'”
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MIXED METAPHORS . . .

~ “Beware, my friend, you’re skating on hot water.”
~ “Keep your ear to the grindstone.”

~ “He swept the rug under the carpet.”

~ “She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends.”
~ “He’s up a tree without a paddle.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A snail goes to a Cadillac dealership and buys a new car. But when he buys it he has specific instructions for the dealer: “I want you to give it a paint job,” says the snail.

“Sure, what color?” asks the dealer.

“I want you to paint a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk,” instructs the snail.

“Sure thing,” says the dealer, “but can I ask why?”

The snail looks at him and explains: “So when I go driving up and down the strip all the people watching me say “Look at that S Car Go.”
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“How is it that every time I pass your station, you are not working?” the angry department head asked of an employee.
“It’s because you wear sneakers, sir!”
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Work Laws . . .

– There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
– Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
– Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. This is what I’m doing wrong.

– Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
– Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
– To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

– Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.
– Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
– The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?”
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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Concerned that her daughter’s marriage prospects were diminishing, the hostess heard of a military officer who might be a prospective suitor.

She sent an invitation to the officer: “Mr. and Mrs. Dabney request the pleasure of Captain Black’s company at dinner on the 16th of October.”

She was somewhat dismayed to receive the enthusiastic reply: “With the exception of four men on leave, and two sick, Captain Black’s company accept with much pleasure your invitation.”
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TODAY’S TRIVIA: Where did the idea for a day dedicated as International Day of Women and Girls in Science originate? The idea was generated during the Inaugural High-Level World Women’s Health and Development Forum organized by the Royal Academy of Science International Trust (RASIT) and the United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs (DESA), and held on 10-11 February 2015 at the United Nations Headquarters.

~ When was the International Day of Women and Girls in Science actually adopted as a holiday? In 22 December 2015, the 70th Session of the United Nations General Assembly adopted resolution proclaiming February 11th as the annual International Day of Women and Girls in Science. “The sponsorship of more than 65 countries and the approval of all Member States to the resolution signals the global community’s interest in transforming our world through achieving gender parity in educational opportunity and scientific participation and preparation.” – Women in Science Day


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QUIP OF THE DAY: He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes – Molly Ivins

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the change.” – ­Earl Nightingale

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