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February 13th

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” – William Shakespeare


TODAY – FEBRUARY 13th

44th day of the year with 321 days remaining (322 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
~ Get a Different Name Day
~ National Cheddar Day
~ National Tortellini Day
~ World Radio Day
~ National Break Up With Your Carrier Day (if your wireless carrier isn’t up to the job, a good day to switch!)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1884 Alfred Carlton Gilbert, Salem, Oregon, athlete, inventor, and businessman (best known for the Erector Set)
  • 1885 Bess Truman, Independence, Missouri, First Lady of the United States, wife of President Harry S. Truman
  • 1892 Robert H. Jackson, Warren Co., Pennsylvania, jurist, 57th United States Attorney General and Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court (U.S. chief of counsel for the prosecution of Nazi war criminals)
  • 1919 Tennessee Ernie Ford, Bristol, Tennessee, musician / television host (Sixteen Tons)
  • 1923 Chuck Yeager, Myra, West Virginia,U.S.A.F. fighter and test pilot (first pilot to travel faster than sound)
  • 1933 Kim Novak, Chicago, Illinois, actress (Vertigo, Picnic, The Eddy Duchin Story, Falcon Crest)
  • 1934 George Segal, Great Neck, New York, actor (The Longest Day, The Young Doctors, The Naked City, Just Shoot Me!, Retired at 35, The Goldbergs)
  • 1942 Peter Tork, Washington, D.C., musician and actor (The Monkees)
  • 1944 Jerry Springer, British-born American television host, 56th Mayor of Cincinnati, Ohio
  • 1944 Stockard Channing, New York, New York, actress (The West Wing, Grease, Six Degrees of Separation, The Good Wife)
  • 1945 William Sleator, Havre de Grace, Maryland, science fiction author for young adults (The Angry Moon, Interstellar Pig, The Last Universe)
  • 1951 David Naughton, Hartford, Connecticut, actor and singer (An American Werewolf in London, Midnight Madness, My Sister Sam, Granite Flats)
  • 1956 Richard Tyson, Mobile, Alabama, actor (Kindergarten Cop, There’s Something About Mary, Hardball, Jake’s Corner, The League of Legend Keepers: Shadows, Rusty Tulloch)
  • 1968 Kelly Hu, Honolulu, Hawaii, actress (Growing Pains, No Way Back, Nash Bridges, The Scorpion King, X2, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Arrow)

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The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. – Victor Hugo
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1894 Auguste and Louis Lumière patent the Cinematographe, a combination movie camera and projector.
  • 1914 Copyright: In New York City the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers is established to protect the copyrighted musical compositions of its members.
  • 1935 A jury in Flemington, New Jersey finds Bruno Hauptmann guilty of the 1932 kidnapping and murder of the Lindbergh baby, the son of Charles Lindbergh.
  • 1955 Israel obtains 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls.
  • 1960 With the success of a nuclear test codenamed “Gerboise Bleue”, France becomes the fourth country to possess nuclear weapons.
  • 1960 Black college students stage the first of the Nashville sit-ins at three lunch counters in Nashville, Tennessee.
  • 1961 A 500,000-year-old rock is discovered near Olancha, California, US, that appears to anachronistically encase a spark plug.
  • 1967 American researchers discover the Madrid Codices by Leonardo da Vinci in the National Library of Spain.
  • 1970 Black Sabbath, arguably the very first heavy metal album, is released.
  • 1990 German reunification: An agreement is reached on a two-stage plan to reunite Germany.
  • 2004 The Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics announces the discovery of the universe’s largest known diamond, white dwarf star BPM 37093. Astronomers named this star “Lucy” after The Beatles’ song “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”.
  • 2009 At 23:31:30 UTC the Unix system time (time_t) number reaches 1234567890 seconds.
  • 2011 For the first time in more than 100 years the Umatilla, an American Indian tribe, were able to hunt and harvest a bison just outside Yellowstone National Park, restoring a centuries-old tradition guaranteed by a treaty signed in 1855.
  • 2012 European Space Agency (ESA) first launched the European Vega rocket from Europe’s spaceport in Kourou, French Guiana.

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My high school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader.
One day I received a B minus on an essay. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the Valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: “BE MINE.”

The following day, I received in return a Valentine from the teacher. It read: “Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.”
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Johnny asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day.
“Yes, I bought her a belt and a bag,” replied Tony.

“That was very kind of you,” Johnny added, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”
Tony smiled as he replied, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”
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ONE-LINERS: REALLY BAD EXCUSES WHY MEN FORGET A GIFT ON VALENTINE’S DAY

~ The florist couldn’t find your house. Did you move?
~ I sent a candy-gram. Someone must have eaten it.

~ The Hallmark store was closed, and I didn’t want to send less than the very best.
~ I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? Google must have messed up again!

~ I didn’t know you liked jewelry.
~ I thought we would do something different this year.
~ You didn’t remind me.
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Men often have a difficult time figuring out what to do on Valentine’s Day — and if they expect to make the women in their lives happy, they need to know the basics. Here it is, guys, hours before you need it — that’s plenty of time.

Step One: Remember. The minimum requirement is to let the woman know you care. The least expensive way is to look at her — preferably somewhere on her face — and say, “I love you, [her name here].” If you forget her name, don’t bother with the rest of the steps — you already lack the skill to survive.

Step Two: Cards. A Valentine’s card is an acceptable nonverbal token of appreciation. Best of all, it’s cheap. Good Valentines are pink with lots of lace and have cute words such as “I’ll love my sugar bunny forever and ever and ever and …”. Bad Valentine cards say, “Good for one free quart of motor oil.”

Step Three: Candy. While a handful of M&Ms is OK, women tend to expect something a bit nicer. It should be in a box for starters, and wrapped in nice paper for that extra touch. The best way to explain why you must do this is: women regard chocolate the same way men view beer. Enough said?

Step Four: Jewelry. A bit pricier, but essential if you did not bother with Steps 1-3. If you did, you might get by with a small but hideously expensive ring, necklace, or tiara. Note: Most women, even in Arkansas, do not consider aluminum, tin or a mylar balloon to be a precious metal.

Step Five: Lingerie. Caution! Not only does it have to be the right size and caliber, it must also match any of the 8 billion feelings she currently has about herself. To be safe, tell the clerk you’re looking for something that can’t be used to strangle you in your sleep.

Step Six: Romantic Getaways. These are only good for couples with more than 0.2 children. Studies prove that not even bacteria can reproduce when a toddler is beating on the bedroom door with a Fisher-Price toy. Depending on the size of your family, a sufficient getaway may range from a motel in town to crossing at least three international boundaries.

The Most Important Thing to Know: Unlike men, women give points for trying. So do something — anything is better than nothing.

Every year, emergency rooms fill with men who didn’t understand this simple point.
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Little Johnny burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised, his mother asked, “Why are you home from school so early?”
Johnny said, “They let me go early because I was the only one who could answer a tough question.”

“Oh, really? What was the question?” his mother asked.
“Who threw the eraser at the teacher?”
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A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
“Well, Dad,” said the boy, “I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.”

“Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair.”
“I know, but I never thought he’d choose his big sister!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Three friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too.

So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to “persuade” them to close.

Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
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TOP TEN PICKUP LINES USED BY ADAM

10. “You know you’re the only one for me!”
9. “Do you come here often?”
8. “Trust me, this was meant to be!”
7. “Look around, baby. All the other guys around here are animals!”
6. “I already feel like you’re a part of me!”
5. “Honey, you were made for me!”
4. “Why don’t you come over to my place and we can name some animals?”
3. “You’re the girl of my dreams!” (Gen. 2:21)
2. “I like a girl who doesn’t mind being ribbed!”

And the number one pick up line from Adam is:
“You’re the apple of my eye!” *

(Yes, the Bible says that Adam and Eve ate of the “fruit,” not “apple,” but apple is funnier!)

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A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

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A man who was involved in a serious accident was unable to speak when he regained consciousness. Wishing to know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bed stand, wrote “Date?” on it and gave it to his nurse.

She scribbled on the paper and handed it back to him. It read, “Married.”

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Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?”

Her mother asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another one.”

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TODAY’S TRIVIA: Where was cheddar first made? This cheese was first made in the village of Cheddar in Somerset, England in the 12th century. This popular cheese accounts for more than a third of all the cheese sales in the United States. However, in the United Kingdom where it was created it accounts for more than half of the cheese sales.

~ When was Cheddar cheese brought to the United States? In 1894, renowned cheesemaker Peter McIntosh brought his cheese-making skills to Tillamook County, Oregon. He taught the locals all about making cheese, earning the nickname “Cheese King of the Coast.” Today, there are more cows than people in Tillamook, and those local farmers have since formed the farmer-owned cooperative we know today as the Tillamook County Creamery Association.

~ Who founded National Break Up With Your Carrier Day? T-Mobile did! In an effort to remind people they don’t have to spend Valentine’s Day in a loveless relationship with their carrier (and presumably to try and entice you to try T-Mobile services!).
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, ‘What did you do?’

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

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