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February 21st

The only way to truly destroy an enemy is to make him your friend. – Gene Morra


52nd day of the year with 313 days to follow (314 in leap years).

~ Card Reading Day
~ International Mother Language Day
~ National Grain-Free Day
~ National Sticky Bun Day

I went to the doctor the other day.
She told me that I needed to get some exercise. So I went to McDonald’s.

My wife wanted to know why I went there.
I told her the doctor told me to get some extra fries.

She made me an appointment with a hearing doctor.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.

A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle jumping up and down in the parking lot.

The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman, “What’s the matter?”

She replies ” I saw it said ‘Shake Well’ after I took it”.

Bumper Sticker Funnies

– Herblock’s Law: If it’s good, they will stop making it.
– History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
– It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

– It works better if you plug it in.
– It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
– Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

– Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
– Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels.

A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft’s capabilities to each visitor who gets in.

When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, “Gramma, could I have a quarter?”

Kind of Punny Golden Oldie…

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:
“That’s Strange!”

A Cat’s Dictionary

~ Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
~ Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
~ Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.

~ Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
~ Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
~ Purrson: A male kitty.
~ Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

The composer Robert Schumann wrote at the beginning of one of his compositions: “To be played as fast as possible.”
A few measures later he wrote: “Faster.”

WORD OF THE DAY: benthos
(BEN-thos) noun

1: Organisms that live at the bottom of a body of water.

From Greek benthos (depth of the sea). Earliest documented use: 1891.

“At the meeting Tuesday, officials will describe the work they’ve done to document improvements in … degradation of organisms in the benthos.” – Steve Orr; Taste the Difference?; Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (New York); Nov 15, 2015.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

~ Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
~ Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
~ Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

~ Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
~ Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

Stop Redundancy !!

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be confusing.

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.


~ How much was the first bottle of Coke? The first bottles of Coca-Cola sold for a mere 5 cents per bottle in 1899. There are now more than 1,000 Coca-Cola bottling plants worldwide.

~ How much air do you breathe? An adult sitting in a relaxed position inhales approximately one pint of air with every breath.

~ How many penguins live in the North Pole? There are no penguins at the North Pole. In fact, there are no penguins anywhere in the Northern Hemisphere (outside of zoos). All 17 varieties of the bird are found below the equator, primarily in the Antarctica.
TODAY’S QUIP: If you answer the phone with, “Hello? You’re on the air!” most telemarketers will hang up.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right. – Henry Ford

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