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February 4th

Being in a good frame of mind helps keep one in the picture of health. – Author Unknown


TODAY – FEBRUARY 4th

35th day of the year with 330 days to follow (331 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
~ National Create a Vacuum Day
~ National Homemade Soup Day
~ National Stuffed Mushroom Day
~ Rosa Parks Day (California and Missouri)
~ Thank A Mail Carrier Day
~ World Cancer Day
~ American Heart Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1677 Johann Ludwig Bach, German violinist and composer
  • 1895 Nigel Bruce, English actor (Dr. Watson in Sherlock Holmes films; Rebecca, Suspicion)
  • 1902 Charles Lindbergh, Detroit, Michigan, pilot and activist (solo non-stop flight from New York to Paris, France)
  • 1906 Clyde Tombaugh, near Streator, Illinois, astronomer (discovered Pluto, many asteroids; called for research on UFOs)
  • 1906 Dietrich Bonhoeffer, German pastor and theologian, author (The Cost of Discipleship)
  • 1913 Rosa Parks, Tuskegee, Alabama, civil rights activist
  • 1923 Conrad Bain, Canadian-American actor (Diff’rent Strokes, Maude)
  • 1940 John Schuck, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (McMillan & Wife, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit )
  • 1943 Ken Thompson, New Orleans, Louisiana, computer scientist (one of the creators and early developers of the Plan 9 operating systems, B programming language)
  • 1948 Alice Cooper, Detroit, Michigan, musician (shock rock)
  • 1949 Michael Beck, Memphis, Tennessee, actor (The Warriors, Xanadu, Megaforce, The Last Ninja, Houston Knights)
  • 1952 Lisa Eichhorn, Glens Falls, New York, actress (Yanks, Cutter’s Way, Blind Justice, The Vanishing, Stolen)
  • 1962 Clint Black, Long Branch, New Jersey, country music singer-songwriter, guitarist, and producer
  • 1962 Michael Riley, Canadian actor (This is Wonderland, Power Play, Supervolcano, Being Erica)
  • 1969 Brandy Ledford, Denver, Colorado, actress and model (Fast Track, Bay Watch, The Invisible Man, Andromeda)

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“It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.” – Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1169 A strong earthquake struck the Ionian coast of Sicily, causing tens of thousands of injuries and deaths, especially in Catania.
  • 1789 George Washington is unanimously elected as the first President of the United States by the U.S. Electoral College.
  • 1797 The Riobamba earthquake strikes Ecuador, causing up to 40,000 casualties.
  • 1801 John Marshall is sworn in as Chief Justice of the United States.
  • 1825 The construction of the Ohio and Erie Canal and the Miami and Erie Canal is authorized by the Ohio Legislature.
  • 1861 In Montgomery, Alabama, delegates from six break-away U.S. states meet and form the Confederate States of America.
  • 1936 Radium becomes the first radioactive element to be made synthetically.
  • 1941 The United Service Organization (USO) is created to entertain American troops.
  • 1945 The Yalta Conference between the “Big Three” (Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin) opens at the Livadia Palace in the Crimea during World War II.
  • 1967 Lunar Orbiter 3 lifts off from Cape Canaveral’s Launch Complex 13 on its mission to identify possible landing sites for the Surveyor and Apollo spacecraft.
  • 1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army kidnaps Patty Hearst in Berkeley, California.
  • 1975 Haicheng earthquake (magnitude 7.3 on the Richter scale) occurs in Haicheng, Liaoning, China.
  • 1976 In Guatemala and Honduras an earthquake kills more than 22,000.
  • 1998 An earthquake measuring 6.1 on the Richter Scale in northeast Afghanistan kills more than 5,000.
  • 2004 Facebook, a mainstream online social networking site, is founded by Mark Zuckerberg.

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Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Congratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”

Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?”

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Three politicians are flying in a plane. The first one looks at the second, buffs his carefully manicured fingernails against his Brooks Brothers suit, chuckles, and says, “You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”

The second shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make ten people very happy”.

The third tosses her perfectly coiffed hair and says, “Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.”
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ONE-LINERS: For those trying to figure out how to convert Standard to Metric, here are a few more conversions to consider:

~ Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi.

~ 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton.

~ Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach turtle.

~ 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling

~ Half of a large intestine: semicolon.

~ 1 million aches: 1 megahurtz.

~ Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: a bananosecond.

~ 2 wharves: 1 paradox.

~ 2,000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds.

~ Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
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A southern football player was visiting a relative in Boston over the holidays and went to a party, where he met a pretty co-ed.
He attempted to start up a conversation with her by asking, “So where do y’all go ta’school?”
The girl was not impressed with either his grammar or his southern drawl, but politely answered, “Yale.”
The football player took a deep breath and shouted, “SO WHERE DO Y’ALL GO TA’SCHOOL??!”

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Spell Cheque

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
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pic of the day: Male Cardinal (Redbird) on Fence


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It was Super Bowl Sunday, and in our Presbyterian church the time for the collection of tithes and offerings was approaching. The minister, a true sports enthusiast, reached into his pocket, took out a quarter, flipped it into the air, glanced at it as it landed, then in typical referee fashion joyfully announced: “The ushers have elected to receive!”
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GOLDEN OLDIE…. On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, ‘I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!’
‘That’s right!’ shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. ‘I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!’
‘That’s right!’ shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. ‘Is it wine?’ she asked.
‘No,’ the boy answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. ‘Is it champagne?’ she asked.
‘No,’ the boy answered.

Finally, the teacher said, ‘I give up. What is it?’
The boy replied, ‘A puppy!’
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie!” Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, “Beautiful shirt.”

At this, the man called the bartender over.”Hey, I must be losing my mind,” he told the bartender. “I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”

“It’s the peanuts,” answered the bartender. “They’re complimentary.”

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“Yep,” said the old vaudevillian, “when I was on stage, my wife and I played all around the world. I was The Great Talboni, and I sawed my wife in half. We had a great career, but eventually we divorced.”

“And where does she live now?”

“In Boston and in Chicago.”

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A businessman needed millions of dollars to close an important business transaction. He went to church to pray for the money.

He knelt in prayer next to a man who was praying for a hundred dollars to pay an urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed the hundred dollars into the other man’s hand.

Overjoyed, the man got up and joyfully left the church.

The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, “And now, Lord, that I have Your undivided attention …”

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10 Step Guide For The Do-It-Yourself Handyman

1. If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.

2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.

3. Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.

4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can…many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.

5. If it’s electronic, get a new one…or consult a twelve year old.

6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch or just paint over it.

7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.

8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.

9. If something looks level, it is level.

10. If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
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A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, “Can I have a pint of Less, please?”
“I’m sorry sir,” the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, “I’ve not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?”
“I’ve no idea,” replies the guy, “The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less.”

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TODAY’S TRIVIA: Can the Queen enter any house?
The only house in England that the Queen may not enter is The House of Commons, as she is not a commoner. She is also the only person in England who does not need a license plate on her vehicle.

~ How many nerve fibers are in your hand?
One square inch of skin on the human hand contains some 72 feet of nerve fiber.

~ How many drops in a teaspoon?
It takes 120 drops of water to fill a teaspoon.

~ What’s the difference between Grade A and AA eggs?
Grade AA eggs are not larger or better than Grade A eggs: the grade merely refers to how long ago the eggs were laid. Grade A means the eggs were packed within the last 30 days and Grade AA eggs were packed in that last ten days.

~ When did the Alamo become a fortress?
In 1803, the abandoned compound was occupied by the Second Flying Company of San Carlos de Parras, a company of Spanish soldiers from Álamo de Parras. The building was occupied by Mexican forces almost continuously until December 1835, when it was surrendered to Texan forces by General Martín Perfecto de Cos during the Texas Revolution.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “I have a detached retina. Actually, it’s not detached. It’s more emotionally unavailable.” – Nick Arnette

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . There is a great deal of self-will in the world, but very little genuine independence of character. – Frederick W. Faber

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