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February 5th

Hold a true friend with both your hands. – Nigerian Proverb


TODAY – FEBRUARY 5th

36th day of the year with 329 days to follow (330 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
~ National Chocolate Fondue Day
~ National Weatherperson’s Day
~ World Nutella Day
~ National Canned Food Month
~ Great American Pies Month
~ National Cherry Month
~ National Heart Healthy Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1837 Dwight L. Moody, Northfield, Massachusetts, evangelist (Moody Bible Institute & Moody Publishers)
  • 1840 John Boyd Dunlop, Dreghorn, North Ayrshire, inventor (pneumatic tire)
  • 1848 Belle Starr, Carthage, Missouri, outlaw (Belle Starr, the Bandit Queen; The Female Jesse James)
  • 1900 Adlai Stevenson, Los Angeles, California, politician (31st Governor of Illinois, presidential candidate in 1952 & 1956)
  • 1915 Robert Hofstadter, New York City, NY, physicist (Nobel / pioneering studies of electron scattering in atomic nuclei and for his consequent discoveries concerning the structure of nucleons)
  • 1919 Red Buttons, New York City, NY, actor (Sayonara, Harlow, They Shoot Horses Don’t They?, Pete’s Dragon)
  • 1924 Basil Copper, English journalist and author (Solar Pons series, Beyond the Reef, Shaft Number 247, The Great White Space, Necropolis)
  • 1928 Andrew Greeley, Oak Park, Illinois, priest and novelist (The Cardinal Sins, Lord of the Dance, The Cardinal Virtues, Wages of Sin, Irish Lace, Star Bright, The Priestly Sins, Irish Tweed, Home for Christmas)
  • 1934 Hank Aaron, Mobile, Alabama, baseball player (right fielder, played 23 seasons in Major League Baseball – Atlanta Braves, Milwaukee Brewers)
  • 1947 Darrell Waltrip, Owensboro, Kentucky, former race car driver, motorsports analyst (NASCAR Cup Series champion 1981, 1982, 1985)
  • 1948 Christopher Guest, New York City, NY, actor and director (The Princess Bride, A Few Good Men, SpongeBob SquarePants, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian)
  • 1948 Barbara Hershey, Hollywood, California, actress (Love Comes Quietly, Hannah and Her Sisters, The Last Temptation of Christ, Beaches, The Portrait of a Lady, Love Comes Lately, Black Swan, Once Upon a Time)
  • 1956 David Wiesner, Bridgewater, New Jersey, children’s book author & illustrator (Loathsome Dragon, Free Fall, Mr. Wuffles)
  • 1962 Jennifer Jason Leigh, Hollywood, California, actress (Miami Blues, Buried Alive, Backdraft, Single White Female, Short Cuts, Georgia, Dolores Claiborne, Margot at the Wedding, Weeds, Revenge)
  • 1971 Sara Evans, Boonville, Missouri, country singer-songwriter
  • 1987 Darren Criss, San Francisco, California, actor and singer (Glee, Girl Most Likely, Whose Line Is It Anyway?)

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“Seeing a miracle will inspire you, but knowing you are a miracle will change you.” – Deborah Brodie

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1900 The United States and the United Kingdom sign a treaty for the Panama Canal.
  • 1909 Belgian chemist Leo Baekeland announces the creation of Bakelite, the world’s first synthetic plastic.
  • 1917 The Congress of the United States passes the Immigration Act of 1917 over President Woodrow Wilson’s veto. Also known as the Asiatic Barred Zone Act, it forbade immigration from nearly all of south and southeast Asia.
  • 1918 Stephen W. Thompson shoots down a German airplane. It is the first aerial victory by the U.S. military.
  • 1918 SS Tuscania (1914) is torpedoed off the coast of Ireland; it is the first ship carrying American troops to Europe to be torpedoed and sunk.
  • 1919 Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, and D.W. Griffith launch United Artists.
  • 1924 The Royal Greenwich Observatory begins broadcasting the hourly time signals known as the Greenwich Time Signal or the “BBC pips”.
  • 1937 President Franklin D. Roosevelt proposes a plan to enlarge the Supreme Court of the United States.
  • 1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser is nominated to be the first president of the United Arab Republic.
  • 1958 A hydrogen bomb known as the Tybee Bomb is lost by the US Air Force off the coast of Savannah, Georgia, never to be recovered.
  • 1971 Astronauts land on the moon in the Apollo 14 mission.
  • 1972 Bob Douglas becomes the first African American elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame.
  • 1988 Manuel Noriega is indicted on drug smuggling and money laundering charges.
  • 2009 The United States Navy guided missile cruiser USS Port Royal runs aground off Oahu, Hawaii, damaging the ship as well as a coral reef.

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I’m dyslexic and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I’m tense.

When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, “Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah.”
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A missionary in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, “I’m toast.”

A ray of light breaks forth from the sky and a voice booms out: “No, you are NOT toast. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash in the head of the chief.”

So the missionary picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the head of the chief, knocking him out. He is breathing heavily while standing above the sprawled out-chief.

Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces. The voice booms out again: “Okay…NOW you’re toast!”
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ONE-LINERS:
~ “We’re divorced but we’re still friends — friends with lawyers.”
~ No wonder everyone gets louder at parties. According to the wine label, the alcohol content is by volume.
~ I’m being so good on my new low carb diet that when I take my shirts to the cleaners, I tell them “no starch.”

~ Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
~ How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
~ Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

~ Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
~ If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
~ Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?

~ We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors … but they all coexist very nicely in the same box.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

~ Charismatic: Only 1 , Hands are already in the air.
~ Presbyterians: None, Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
~ Pentecostal: 10, One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

~ Roman Catholic: None, Candles only.
~ Mormons : 5, One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
~ Baptists : At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the Potato salad and fried chicken.

~ Episcopalians: 3, One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
~ Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, CFL, LED, 3-way, decorative and tinted, all of which are equally
valid paths to enlightenment.

~ Nazarene: 6, One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
~ Methodists: Undetermined, Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

~ Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
~ Amish: Light bulb?
(From the Lighter Side of Theology)
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pic of the day: Icy Reflections

trees reflected in pond
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The deliveryman looked over the gate towards the house which was his package’s destination, and saw a large and aggressive-looking dog on the lawn, staring at him. There was also a woman looking at him from an open first-floor window. He shouted to the woman, “Is your dog friendly?” She said, “Yes.” So the deliveryman opened the gate, and was promptly savaged by the dog.

When he had been rescued from the dog, the deliveryman angrily said to the woman, “I thought you said your dog was friendly!”

“He is,” said the woman, “but that’s not my dog.”
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A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died.
Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon.

“But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell.
“The nut has gone to heaven.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
~ Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
~ A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

~ A dyslexic man walks into a bra. . .
~ A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
~ A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:”A beer please, and one for the road.”

~ Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
~ “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home. ‘” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “It’s Not Unusual.”
~ Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.
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ANOTHER PUNNY… A young missionary on his first trip to Africa is away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lays down right beside him; so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him.

He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy. He closes his eyes, praying… but when he opens them he sees another approach from the brush, which proceeds to lie down on the other side of him.

Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon and devour him.

Moral of the story: Don’t read between the “lions.”

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CLASSIC LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .

~ According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious…” –Jay Leno
~ A Massachusetts man was arrested for illegally keeping over 400 birds in his home. He tried to keep it a secret, but he couldn’t keep the birds from tweeting about it. – Craig Ferguson

~ Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn’t read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing. – Conan O’Brien
~ A new survey shows that most people trust Google more as a source for current events than traditional news outlets. Traditional news outlets didn’t believe the news until they Googled it. – Seth Meyers

~ A new study has found that people who drink four or more cups of coffee a day have a 20 percent less chance of getting malignant melanoma skin cancer. That may be due to the antioxidants in the coffee. Or maybe because anyone drinking that much coffee won’t be able to sit still in the sun for long. – Janice Hough
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A friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I’d disapprove of every young man who took them out. But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend’s prediction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.

Talking to one daughter, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home.

“You know, Dad,” she replied, “We don’t show you everybody.”
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The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
“How did you manage to find it, Mom?” the teenager asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied.
“You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.”
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TODAY’S TRIVIA:
~ Do roaches make good mothers?
Some female cockroaches incubate their egg cases in their bodies until they are ready to hatch. These babies stay with their mothers a day or two after they are born.

~ How long have people been wearing Birkenstock’s footwear?
The brand has a long history tracing its roots back to 1774 and a German cobbler named Johann Birkenstock. But it was over a hundred years later that his grandson really started the current company. In 1897, Konrad Birkenstock designed the first shoe with a contoured insole.

~ How long is a palm stem?
Rattan palms found in the jungles of Southeast Asia have vinelike stems that trail along the jungle floor up to 250 feet in all directions.

~ When was badminton made an Olympic sport?
Badminton was first recognized as an official sport in the Olympic Games during the 1992 Summer Games. More than 1.1 billion people watched badminton’s Olympic debut on TV.

~ Which Shakespearean character is the most verbose?
Shakespeare’s most talkative character is Hamlet. None of his other characters have as many lines in a single play. (Falstaff, who appears in several plays, has more lines total).
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QUIP OF THE DAY: I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights.”

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished. It’s about what you’ve done with those accomplishments. Its about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It about what you’ve given back” – Denzel Washington

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