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Humor for February 6th

Kind of busy with medical issues right now,
so it’s going to be the “lite” version of humor for a while…

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Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen:
“Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?”

I said, “Thank you, darling. I think I’ll have chicken.”

She replied, “You’re havin’ a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin’ to the dog!”
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My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” abbreviating “right” as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the instructions on the label as: “Put two drops in R ear every four hours.”
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PUN OF THE DAY:
A young man fell in love with a very lovely young lady. Unfortunately, she did not return the feeling. In desperation he visited a group of witches to get a love potion. They sold him a bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard every night at midnight for a month, until they were all gone.

He asked the witches, “Is this really going to work?”

“Of course, dearie. Everybody knows that … ‘Nothin’ says lovin’ like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best’!”

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Women and Cats

I’ve never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
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WORD OF THE DAY: highbinder  (HY-byn-duhr)

MEANING:
noun: A swindler, gangster, or a corrupt politician.

ETYMOLOGY:
After the Highbinders, a Chinese gang in New York and other cities from the mid-1800s to the early 1900s. Earliest documented use: 1806.

USAGE:
“At least 30 other states have seen their retirement investments fall. In New Mexico, some highbinders getting huge fees put plenty of money in risky investments.” – Leaders on Notice: Reform Pensions Now; The Santa Fe New Mexican; Sep 14, 2010.
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Shopping for a black cotton sweater, I couldn’t find anything suitable in a trendy Berkeley clothing store. A helpful saleswoman offered to check the store catalogue.

After flipping through the pages, she looked up in consternation. “Mark,” she called to her co-worker, “what are we calling black this year?”
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My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.

On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.

Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say, “If you have any more problems, we’ll be in your closet.”
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QUIP: If memory serves me right, it would be the first time.

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