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February 7th

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein


TODAY – FEBRUARY 7th

38th day of the year with 327 days to follow (328 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
~ National Fettuccine Alfredo Day
~ National Send a Card to a Friend Day
~ Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day
~ Creative Romance Month
~ Great American Pies Month
~ National Grapefruit Month
~ National Heart Health Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1804 John Deere, Rutland, Vermont, blacksmith (pioneer manufacturer of agricultural implements)
  • 1812 Charles Dickens, England, author (Oliver Twist, Tale of 2 Cities)
  • 1837 Sir James Augustus Henry Murray, Scotland, lexiographer (created Oxford Dictionary)
  • 1867 Laura Ingalls Wilder, Pepin County, Wisconsin, children’s book author (Little House on Prairie)
  • 1885 Sinclair Lewis, Sauk Centre, Minnesota, writer (first writer from U.S. to win the Nobel Prize in Literature, “for his vigorous and graphic art of description and his ability to create, with wit and humor, new types of characters”)
  • 1908 Clarence Linden “Buster” Crabbe, Oakland, California, swimmer (Olympics-gold-1932)/actor (Tarzan, Flash Gordon)
  • 1908 Fred Gipson, Mason, Texas, author (Old Yeller), newspaper journalist
  • 1920 An Wang, Chinese-born computer pioneer, Wang Laboratories (National Inventors Hall of Fame)
  • 1932 Al Worden, Jackson, Michigan, American astronaut (command module pilot for the Apollo 15 moon mission in July–August 1971)
  • 1932 Gay Talese, Ocean City, New Jersey, author (New York Times, Esquire)
  • 1955 Miguel Ferrer, Santa Monica, California, actor (RoboCop, Twin Peaks, Crossing Jordan, voice of Shan Yu in Mulan)
  • 1960 James Spader, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Pretty in Pink; Crash; Stargate; and Secretary )
  • 1962 Garth Brooks, Tulsa, Oklahoma, singer ( 2007: Ultimate Hits)
  • 1978 Ashton Kutcher, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, actor (That ’70s Show, Dude, Where’s My Car?, Just Married, The Butterfly Effect, The Guardian, What Happens in Vegas)

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And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. – Friedrich Nietzsche
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1795 The 11th Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified.
  • 1940 The second full length animated Walt Disney film, Pinocchio, premieres.
  • 1962 President Kennedy begins blockade of Cuba, banning all Cuban imports and exports.
  • 1974 Mel Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles” opens in movie theaters.
  • 1979 Pluto moves inside Neptune’s orbit for the first time since either was discovered.
  • 1984 STS-41-B Mission – Astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L. Stewart make the first untethered space walk using the Manned Maneuvering Unit (MMU).
  • 1992 The Maastricht Treaty is signed, which will lead to the creation of the European Union.
  • 1999 Crown Prince Abdullah becomes the King of Jordan on the death of his father, King Hussein.
  • 2013 The U.S. state of Mississippi officially certifies the Thirteenth Amendment, becoming the last state to approve the abolition of slavery. The Thirteenth Amendment was formally ratified by Mississippi in 1995.
  • 2014 Scientists announce that the Happisburgh footprints in Norfolk, England, date back to more than 800,000 years ago, making them the oldest known hominid footprints outside Africa.
  • 2016 North Korea launches Kwangmyŏngsŏng-4 into outer space violating multiple UN treaties and prompting condemnation from around the world.

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I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 76).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors – green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, she sarcastically asked: “What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid…
“Got stoned once when I was younger and made out with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter.”
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With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey” died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in.
And then the trouble started.
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ONE-LINERS: Alternative Affirmations…
Having trouble sticking to your New Year’s resolutions? I made one resolution many years ago and I have stuck to it. I resolved to no longer make resolutions. Instead, renew your commitment to living with daily affirmations. Affirm your truth, over and over, everyday! Here’s are some affirmations to consider:

~ As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
~ I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
~ I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

~ In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
~ My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.
~ I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

~ I am at one with my duality.
~ Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.
~ When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.

~ A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
~ I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
~ Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!”

~ The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working.
~ I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future?
~ Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
~ Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.
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Bill was having a really bad day on the golf course. Right around the 14th hole, it seems he had missed one putt too many. He let loose with a fairly impressive string of profanities, grabbed his putter, and stormed off toward the lake by the 15th tee.

“Uh-oh,” said his caddie to one of his playing partners, “There goes that club.”
“You think so?” said his partner. “I’ve got five bucks says he misses the water!”
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Sheriff Zeke knocks on Farmer John’s door. “John, there’s a busload of lawyers missin’ in these parts. Did ya happen t’ see ’em?”
“Ahhhyep, sure did. The bus ran off the road and I buried all of ’em.”
“They was all dead, were they?”
“Well, some of ’em said they wasn’t, but you know how lawyers lie.”
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pic of the day: Icy Quince Blossom

icy bloom on quince bush
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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”
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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman–already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet–who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bath- room changing out of her hospital gown.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

England’s King Edward VII was alarmed when his admirals informed him that Kaiser Wilhelm was embarking on a crash building course to greatly increase the Imperial German Fleet. When he asked how much money would be required to build a dreadnought that would defeat the German Navy, the admiralty informed him, “100 million pounds sterling, your majesty.”

“Oh dear me, I’ll have to pawn the Star of India, the largest diamond in the world, the front piece on the Crown Royal to pay for this!”

“Dedication, your majesty,” was all they could reply.

So the King sent for the Crown Royal, personally dug out the Star of India and took it in the state carriage to a pawnbroker in the East End, where he’d seen such establishments.

“How much will you give me for the Star of India, my good man?”

“Ow, Guv’nuh, Oi t’ink all I kin lend ye would be 100 pounds.”

“What? A mere 100 pounds sterling! This is the Star of India, worth 10,000 times that. Do you know Who I Am?”

The pawnbroker barely looked up. “When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are.”
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A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.”
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A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.

“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.”

The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced.
“I’m back!”

Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, “Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit.”
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When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.

I promptly added: “Send Michelle money every month.”

A few days later my brother wrote: “Make payments on car for Jason.”
Then my boyfriend joined in with: “Buy Tom a Jeep.”

Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: “Wean kids.”
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My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits…and their bulging stomachs.

Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm, I said to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.”

She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is the 11th Amendment? The Judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State.

This amendment deals with each state’s sovereign immunity and was adopted to overrule the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision in Chisholm v. Georgia, 2 U.S. 419, in which the Court ruled that federal courts had the authority to hear cases in law and equity brought by private citizens against states and that states did not enjoy sovereign immunity from suits made by citizens of other states in federal court. Thus, the amendment clarified Article III, Section 2 of the Constitution, which gives diversity jurisdiction to the judiciary to hear cases “between a state and citizens of another state.”

The Eleventh Amendment’s text prohibits the federal courts from hearing certain lawsuits against states. The Amendment has also been interpreted to mean that state courts do not have to hear certain suits against the state, if those suits are based on federal law.

While the states continue to enjoy broad sovereign immunity from suit, the Supreme Court does allow suits against state officers in certain circumstances, thus mitigating the effect of sovereign immunity. In particular, the Court does not read the Amendment to bar suits against state officers that seek court orders to prevent future violations of federal law. Moreover, suits by other states, and suits by the United States to enforce federal laws, are also permitted. The Eleventh Amendment is thus an important part, but only a part, of a web of constitutional doctrines that shape the nature of judicial remedies against states and their officials for alleged violations of law. (CCenter)

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. – Ann Landers (You could change television to smart phones to update that!)

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Never give up on anybody.Hubert H. Humphrey

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