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February 7th

Kind of busy with medical issues right now,
so it’s going to be the “lite” version of humor for a while…

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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”
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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman–already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet–who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bath- room changing out of her hospital gown.”
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VERY PUNNY….
A woman went on a tour of the White House. As the guide led her down one of the historic halls, a door burst open and a large aquatic sea mammal, balancing a beach ball on its nose, scurried past.
“My, what was that?” exclaimed the woman.
“Oh, that’s just the Presidential Seal,” replied the guide.
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Sheriff Zeke knocks on Farmer John’s door. “John, there’s a busload of lawyers missin’ in these parts. Did ya happen t’ see ’em?”
“Ahhhyep, sure did. The bus ran off the road and I buried all of ’em.”
“They was all dead, were they?”
“Well, some of ’em said they wasn’t, but you know how lawyers lie.”
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A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”.

The crow answered: Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson?

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
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WORD OF THE DAY: wirepuller (WAIR-pool-uhr)

MEANING:
noun: A person who manipulates or exerts control from behind the scenes.

ETYMOLOGY:
From wire + puller. Earliest documented use: 1824.

USAGE:
“Thurlow Weed, New York’s cagey behind-the-scenes Republican wirepuller, was telling Lincoln that his reelection was now an impossibility.”
John C. Waugh; Lincoln and McClellan; Palgrave Macmillan; 2010.
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My friend and I joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar.

“What are the attributes of this apple,” she asked, “and how do they relate to our diet?”

“Low in calories” and “lots of fiber,” were among the answers.

She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, “Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid fifty-five cents for this candy bar?” We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat.

From in back of the room a small voice spoke up. “I’ll give you seventy-five cents for it.”
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A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. There the waiter asks him: “Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?”

The guru replies: “I’m feeling rather hungry right now. You’d better cut it into eight pieces.”
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GOLDEN OLDIE…

Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.

“I would like my grandchildren to say, ‘He was successful in business’,” declared the first man.

“Fifty years from now,” said the second, “I want them to say, ‘He was a loyal family man’.”

Turning to the third gent, the first gent asked, “So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?”

“Me?” the third man replied. “I want them all to say, “He certainly looks good for his age’!”
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QUIP OF THE DAY. . .  Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

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THE LAST WORD: Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. – Mark Twain

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