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Februrary 26th

A faith is a necessity to a man. Woe to him who believes in nothing. – Victor Hugo


TODAY – FEBRUARY 26th

57th day of the year with 308 to follow (309 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
~ Carnival Day
~ National Pistachio Day
~ Tell a Fairy Tale Day

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1802 Victor Hugo, French author (Les Miserables, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame)
  • 1829 Levi Strauss, German-born clothing designer
  • 1846 William F. “Buffalo Bill” Cody, Le Claire, Iowa, frontiersman
  • 1852 John Harvey Kellogg, Tyrone, Michigan, surgeon and advocate (invented corn flakes breakfast cereal)
  • 1866 Herbert Henry Dow, Canadian-American chemical industrialist (founded the Dow Process Company)
  • 1916 Jackie Gleason, Brooklyn, New York, actor, writer, composer and comedian (Honeymooners, The Hustler, Smokey and the Bandit)
  • 1918 Theodore Sturgeon, Staten Island, New York, writer (More Than Human, E. Pluribus Unicorn, Sturgeon in Orbit, Starshine, The Golden Helix)
  • 1920 Tony Randall, Tulsa, Oklahoma, actor (The Old Couple, Pillow Talk, Gremlins 2, The Man in the Brown Suit, Fatal Instinct)
  • 1928 Fats Domino, New Orleans, Louisiana, musician
  • 1932 Johnny Cash (The Man in Black), Kingsland, Arkansas, country singer
  • 1949 Elizabeth George, Warren, Ohio, author (Inspector Lynley series)
  • 1953 Michael Bolton, New Haven, Connecticut, singer (8 top 10 albums, 2 #1 singles on the Billboard charts, awards from both the American Music Awards and Grammy Awards)
  • 1956 Kevin Dunn, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Nixon, LAX, Gridiron Gang, Boston Legal, Transformers, Warrior, Jobs, Unstoppable )
  • 1958 Susan J. Helms, Charlotte, North Carolina, lieutenant general in Air Force, NASA astronaut (STS-54, STS-64, STS-78, STS-101, Expedition 2 (STS-102 / STS-105)
  • 1963 Chase Masterson, Colorado Springs, Colorado, actress (Bajoran Leeta on ST:DS9, General Hospital) and singer (The Truth Is Out There)
  • 1964 Mark Dacascos, Honolulu, Hawaii, actor and martial artist (Iron Chef, American Samurai, Crying Freeman, The Island of Dr. Moreau, DNA, I Am Omega, 9th Dancing with the Stars)
  • 1993 Taylor Dooley, Grosse Pointe, Michigan, actress (Monster Night)

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To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. – Confucius

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1909 The first successful color motion picture process, Kinemacolor, is shown to the general public for the first time at the Palace Theatre in London.
  • 1914 HMHS Britannic, sister to the RMS Titanic, is launched at Harland & Wolff shipyard in Belfast.
  • 1917 The Original Dixieland Jass Band records the first jazz record, for the Victor Talking Machine Company in New York.
  • 1919 President Woodrow Wilson signs an act of the U.S. Congress establishing most of the Grand Canyon as a United States National Park.
  • 1929 An Executive Order establishing the 96,000 acre Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming is signed by President Calvin Coolidge.
  • 1935 Adolf Hitler orders the Luftwaffe to be re-formed, violating the provisions of the Treaty of Versailles.
  • 1966 The AS-201 was launched, the first flight of the Saturn IB rocket, and part of the Apollo Program.
  • 1971 U.N. Secretary General U Thant signs United Nations proclamation of the vernal equinox as Earth Day.
  • 1972 In West Virginia, a burst dam causes the Buffalo Creek Flood that kills 125 people.
  • 1993 In New York City, a truck bomb parked below the North Tower of the World Trade Center explodes, killing 6 and injuring over a thousand.
  • 1995 Selena gives her last televised concert in front of over 66,746 people, for a record breaking 3rd time at the Houston Astrodome, nearly a month before she is shot to death by Yolanda Saldívar, the former president of her fan club.

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A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. “This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,” he said.
“I know,” the employer said. “But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.”
“Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake,” the worker answered, “but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.”
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“I took my parents back to the airport today. They’re flying home tomorrow.” –Margaret Smith
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Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony.

Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, “It’s a good thing she’s not from Idaho.”
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ONE-LINERS: 10 Best Caddy Replies

# 10 — Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

# 9 — Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

# 8 — Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

# 7 — Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?” Caddy: “Eventually.”

# 6 — Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.” Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”

# 5 — Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of A distraction.” Caddy: “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”

# 4 — Golfer: “How do you like my game?” Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”

# 3 — Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?” Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”

# 2 — Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.” Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

# 1 — Best Caddy Comment Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.” Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
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A “Life and Career” coach met with a prospective client one morning and asked the client what he wanted to get out of their sessions.

“Clarity,” the client said very firmly.

“And on what issues are you looking for clarity?” the coach asked.

“Well,” he said in a less confident tone, “I’m not sure.”
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Heather and Marcy hadn’t seen each other in a while, so they decided to meet for lunch.

The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn’t anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.

“He’s perfect. He’s handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I’ve been waiting to hear a man say to me!”

“He said, ‘Will you marry me?'” Marcy asked.

Heather replied, “No, he said, ‘Put your money away.'”

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pic of the day:


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A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, “Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make.

“The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.

“In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense.”
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A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.

Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.

“Where are the tortoises?” he asked.

“I can’t believe it,” said the new employee, “I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Johnny, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?”

“That it is,” Johnny replied grimly, “ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.”

“You mean you pinched his honor?” asked Pat.

“How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?” demanded Johnny.

“Well,” mused Pat, “’tis life and there’s a lesson in this somewhere.”

“That there is,” replied Johnny. “‘Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.”
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Bacon & eggs: Hens are involved, but pigs are committed.
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Whosoever shall look lustfully at eggs and bacon, he has already committed breakfast in his heart.
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A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department suspected he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

Agent: “You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.”

Farmer: “All right. I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board.”

Agent (scribbling on note pad): “Anybody else?”

Farmer: “Yeah, there’s a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco.”

Agent: “Aha! I want to talk to that half-wit!”

Farmer: “You’re talkin’ to him.”
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After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed.
“Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?” said the guy who answered the phone.

“Sorry,” said my boss. “I was looking for Ahmed.”
“This is Ahmed,” came the reply. “How can I help you?”

“I thought you just said your name was Ed?” asked my boss.
“It is. But whenever I say ‘Ahmed,’ people think I’m saying, ‘I’m Ed.’ So I figured it’s just easier to be Ed.”
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A medical student was working in the toxicology department at the poison control center.

A woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.

The medical student quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

The student told the mother that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: He’s so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code. – Earl Wilson

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Life isn’t about how fast you run, or how high you climb; it’s about how well you bounce.

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