To find a fault is easy; to do better may be difficult. – Plutarch
TODAY – JANUARY 13th
13th day of the year with 352 to follow (353 in leap years).
Holidays for Today:
~ Rubber Ducky Day
~ National Sticker Day
~ National Peach Melba Day
~ Stephen Foster Memorial Day
~ Public Radio Broadcasting Day
~ Make Your Dream Come True Day
~ Korean American Day (commemorates the arrival of the first Korean immigrants to the United States in 1903)
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1628 Charles Perrault, France, lawyer/author (Mother Goose)
- 1832 Horatio Alger Jr, Chelsea, Massachusetts, minister/ author (Lost at Sea, Work & Win)
- 1864 Wilhelm Wien, German physicist (Nobel / Blackbody radiation, Wien’s law)
- 1885 Alfred Fuller, Canadian businessman, CEO (Fuller Brush Man)
- 1893 Clarke Ashton Smith, Long Valley, California, author (Lost Worlds, Genius Loci)
- 1919 Robert Stack, Los Angeles, California, actor (The Untouchables, Unsolved Mysteries, Airplane!, Transformers: The Movie, Caddyshack II, Joe Vs. The Volcano)
- 1930 Frances Sternhagen, Washington, D.C, actress (Outland, Misery, Raising Cain, Spencer, Cheers, ER, The Laramie Project, Dolphin Tale, The Closer )
- 1931 Charles Nelson Reilly, New York City, New York, actor (Match Game, Ghost & Mrs Muir)
- 1933 Ron[ald Joseph] Goulart, Berkeley, California, sci-fi author (Deadwalk, Plunder, Cheap Thrills, After Things Fell Apart, ghostwriter for William Shatner’s TekWar novels)
- 1934 Rip Taylor, Washington, D.C., actor (Here Comes the Grump, Addams Family, DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp)
- 1943 Richard Moll, Pasadena, California, actor (Bull Shannon, bailiff on Night Court, House, Super Password, 100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd, Batman: Animated Series, Ghost Shark)
- 1945 Joy Chant [ Eileen Joyce Rutter], UK, sci-fi author (High Kings, House of Kendreth)
- 1951 Frank E. Peretti, Canadian-born American author (This Present Darkness, The Oath, The Cooper Kids Adventure Series)
- 1955 Jay McInerney, Hartford, Connecticut, author (Bright Lights Big City, The Last of the Savages, A Hedonist in the Cellar: Adventures in Wine, The Last Bachelor)
- 1957 Lorrie Moore, Glens Falls, New York, author (Self-Help, Anagrams, Birds of American, A Gate at the Stairs, Bark: Stories)
- 1960 Eric Betzig, Ann Arbor, Michigan, physicist and chemist (Nobel / super-resolved fluorescence microscopy)
- 1961 Julia Louis-Dreyfus, New York City, New York, actress (Seinfeld, Watching Ellie, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Veep)
- 1962 Trace Adkins, Sarepta, Louisiana, singer-songwriter (Ladies Love Country Boys), guitarist, and actor (King of the Hill, Celebrity Apprentice, The Lincoln Lawyer, Moms Night Out, Palominas, To Appomattox)
- 1966 Patrick Dempsey, Lewiston, Maine, actor (Grey’s Anatomy, Sweet Home Alabama, The Emperor’s Club, Freedom Writers, Enchanted, Made of Honor, Valentine’s Day), race car driver
- 1972 Nicole Eggert, Glendale, California, actress (The Clan of the Cave Bear, Charles in Charge, Baywatch), owner-operator of an ice-cream truck
- 1977 Orlando Bloom, English actor (Legolas/ Lord of The Rings & Hobbit Trilogy; Will Turner/ Pirates of the Caribbean, The Three Musketeers, Zula, Unlocked, Digging for Fire)
- 1978 Nate Silver, East Lansing, Michigan journalist and statistician (developed PECOTA, system for forecasting the performance and career development of Major League Baseball players)
To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. – Karen Sunde
- 1610 Galileo Galilei discovers Ganymede, 4th moon of Jupiter.
- 1733 James Oglethorpe and 130 colonists arrive in Charleston, South Carolina.
- 1785 John Walter publishes the first issue of the Daily Universal Register (later renamed The Times).
- 1830 The Great fire of New Orleans, Louisiana begins.
- 1842 Dr. William Brydon, a surgeon in the British Army during the First Anglo-Afghan War, becomes famous for being the sole survivor of an army of 16,500 when he reaches the safety of a garrison in Jalalabad.
- 1847 The Treaty of Cahuenga ends the Mexican-American War in California.
- 1854 First U.S. patent for an accordion was issued to Anthony Faas of Philadephia, Pennsylvania.
- 1869 National convention of black leaders meets in Washington D.C.
- 1893 U.S. Marines land in Honolulu from the U.S.S. Boston to prevent the queen from abrogating the Bayonet Constitution.
- 1908 The Rhoads Opera House fire in Boyertown, Pennsylvania kills 171 people.
- 1913 Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated is founded on the campus of Howard University as the second Black Greek Letter Organization for Women. The mission is to make a move towards social activism.
- 1942 Henry Ford patents a method of constructing plastic auto bodies, which are 30% lighter than regular cars.
- 1957 Wham-O Company developed the first frisbee.
- 1966 Robert C. Weaver becomes the first African American Cabinet member by being appointed United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
- 1968 Johnny Cash performs live at Folsom Prison.
- 1982 Shortly after takeoff, Air Florida Flight 90, a Boeing 737 jet crashes into Washington, DC’s 14th Street Bridge and falls into the Potomac River, killing 78 including four motorists. Coincidentally, 30 minutes later, a Washington Metrorail train derails at the Federal Triangle station, on the orange and blue lines, killing three and injuring many more. Flight 90 also destroyed part of a Blue line track that ran next to the 14th street bridge. This gridlocked the city.
- 1993 Space Shuttle program: Endeavour heads for space for the third time as STS-54 launches from the Kennedy Space Center.
- 2008 A false emergency alert warning of an impending missile strike in Hawaii caused widespread panic in the state.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'”
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”
Last year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional holiday feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn’t mind going out to get it.
When my sister left the house, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the mixed stuffing, and inserted a Cornish hen into the turkey cavity…then re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Barbara, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!”
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry hysterically. It took the entire family almost two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.
ONE-LINERS: It’s great to be a woman because …
~ Taxis stop for us.
~ We got off the Titanic first
~ We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
~ We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
~ No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
~ If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
~ We have the ability to dress ourselves.
~ If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
~ We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
~ We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
~ There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
~ We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
~ We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
~ We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren’t listening anyway.
I do the water and sewer billing for a small city. Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills, which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending full-sized bills in envelopes.
The month before the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change.
Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist, “Is this some kind of joke?”
When the customer threw his bill on the desk, I saw his point. The note said, “Coming soon! New Larger Bills!”
A man phones a lawyer and asks, “How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?”
The lawyer replies, “A thousand dollars.”
“A thousand dollars!” exclaims the man. “That’s very expensive, isn’t it?”
“It certainly is,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”
pic of the day: Frosty Leaves
Bob went over to his friend Joe’s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses.
“Gee,” Bob remarked later, “you really make a big fuss over your wife”.
“I started to appreciate her more about six months ago,” Joe said. “It has revived our marriage and we couldn’t be happier.”
Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. “Honey,” Bob said, “whats’ the matter?”.
“This has been the worst day,” she replied. “This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk !”.
COURSES FOR WOMEN . . .
~ The undiscovered side of Banking: How to make deposits.
~ Silence, the final frontier: Where no woman has gone before.
~ Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You don’t need new shoes everyday.
~ Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.
~ Nag Nag Nag – how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.
~ An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.
~ Valuation: Just because it’s not important to you.
~ Man Management: Discover how the garbage can wait until after the game.
~ What he really wants: Is buying the right razor blades so difficult.
~ Driving a car safely: A skill you can also acquire.
~ Communication Skills I: Tears as the last resort and not the first.
~ Communication Skills II: How to think before speaking.
~ Telephones: How to hang up.
~ Parking: Beginners Course.
~ Parking (Advanced): Reversing into a parking space.
~ The Natural Habitat of the Towel: Why they prefer the floor.
~ Learning to cook I: Bran is not food.
~ Learning to cook II: Bringing back bacon and eggs.
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and light bulbs.
“Don’t look up there!” my mother screamed. “It’s the one thing I was too tired to clean!”
“Don’t look where?” my brother asked.
“There!” my mother pointed. “It’s my own personal web sight!”
You Know You Need A New Lawyer When …
… he tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
… during your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
… the prosecutors sees your lawyer and start high-fiving each other.
… he picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
… during the trial you catch him playing Angry Birds.
… every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.
… he giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”
… he keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
… whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
… he begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said …”
… just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
Golden Oldie… The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
“John,” the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”
How the Media Would Cover The Apocalypse . . .
~ USA Today: We’re Dead
~ Wired: The Last New Thing
~ The Wall Street Journal: Dow Jones Plummets As World Ends
~ Sports Illustrated: Game Over
~ Rolling Stone: The Grateful Dead Reunion Tour
~ Microsoft Systems Journal: Apple Loses Market Share
~ Readers Digest: ‘Bye
~ Tv Guide: Death And Damnation: Nielson Ratings Soar!
~ Inc. Magazine: Ten Ways You Can Profit From The Apocalypse
~ Ladies’ Home Journal: Lose 10 Lbs By Judgment Day With Our New “Armageddon” Diet!
~ Discover Magazine: How Will The Extinction Of All Life As We Know It Affect The Way We View The Cosmos?
I took my mother on a fluke fishing excursion yesterday. Nobody was having any luck. After drifting for hours without so much as a nibble, who should hook into one but my Mom.
Everyone on the boat was excited, cheering the old woman on and telling her to take her time.
Finally she lifted the fish into the boat, picked it up, removed the hook, looked at it up and down, and then tossed it back into the water.
I was stunned. I said, “Mamma, why did you throw that fish back into the water?”
“I don’t know, to me it just didn’t look fresh.”
TODAY’S TRIVIA: When was decaffeinated coffee introduced to America? The original decaffeinated coffee was an accident. In 1903 coffee importer Ludwig Roselius brought in a shipment of coffee from Europe that became waterlogged — and thus decaffeinated.
~ Are rivers a living entity? Maybe not in the traditional sense, but like all living creatures, rivers have a life span. They are born, grow in size, and they age. They can even die during the span of geological time.
~ For how long does an albatross mate? Wandering albatrosses spread their wings, clack bills, and shake heads in a ritual dance. Bonds between courting birds may last the whole of a 50-year lifetime.
~ How much wind power is available? If all the Earth’s atmosphere was moving at the speed of a light breeze, its total energy would be equal to that generated by a large hydroelectric dam operating continuously for 7,000 years.
~ What were tablecloths originally used for? Tablecloths were originally meant to serve as towels with which guests could wipe their hands and faces after dinner.
QUIP OF THE DAY: I am not evil. Just divinely challenged.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Never refuse any advance of friendship, for if nine out of ten bring you nothing, one alone may repay you. – Madame de Tencin